7.19.2006

COLLEGE FOOTBALL "ALL-NAME TEAM"

With the launch of NCAA Football 2007 yesterday, college football has officially begun.

Unfortunately, you never know what your players' names are. So you know what you're missing out on, we put together the 2006 College Football All-Name Team for the most coincidental, absurd and obnoxious names in all of Division I-A.

Update: Upon further review, SMU TE Vincent Chase has been replaced by MSU's Kyle Sackrider on the All-Name Team. Sorry Vince...

STARRING:





&


OFFENSE:

QB: Jim Bob Cooter (Tennessee) - the gold standard for student-athletes
RB: Richie Rich (North Carolina)
RB: Jimmy Johns (Alabama)
WR: De'Cody Fagg (Florida State)
WR: Darius Passmore (Marshall)
TE: Kyle Sackrider (Michigan State) - that's just unfortunate...
OL: Shelley Smith (Colorado State) - Don't say it - asshole...
OL: Joe Girardi (Miami) - Marlins manager doubling as UM lineman???
OL: Joseph Joseph (Louisiana-Monroe) - not a lot of creativity in this one...
OL: Hercules Satele (Hawaii)
OL: Jason Alexander (San Diego State)

DEFENSE:

DL: Colin Ferrell (Kent State)
DL: Avery Hannibal (Mississippi State) - gotta have this facemask...
DL: David Escobar (Ohio) - is this the guy that drugged up Frank Solich?
DL: LeQuantum McDonald (Baylor)
LB: Ian Handshy (Kansas)
LB: John Mark Patrick (Troy)
LB: Billy Ray (West Virginia) - must be very confusing...
DB: Christian Okoye (Tulane) - Nigerian Nigthmare, Part II???
DB: Sir Darean Adams (Michigan State)
DB: Knowledge Timmons (Penn State)
DB: Ray Ray McElrathbey (Clemson) - a sentimental selection...

P/K: Keith Toogood (Texas Tech) - this guy better have balls of steel...

HONORABLE MENTION:

TE Vincent Chase (SMU) - must be the center of every party
WR Maserati Jemison (Arizona State)
QB John Van Dam (Michigan State) - must.. know.. middle.. name..
DL Untavious Scott (Troy)

73 comments:

  1. Anonymous2:07 PM

    Michigan: Mister Simpson RB

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous2:39 PM

    Hahahaha, my favorite is definitely LeQuantum.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous3:04 PM

    I think you have to consider I-Perfection Harris formerly of GT.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous3:46 PM

    Atari Bigby - former UCF Safety

    ReplyDelete
  5. How is Kyle Sackrider only honorable mention?

    ReplyDelete
  6. I second Mister Simpson. Also Prince Kwateng (LB, Northwestern).

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous4:57 PM

    I'm guessing Jimmy Johns has 4.2 speed ...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous5:20 PM

    This list is garbage if current University of Memphis Wide Receiver (former RB) Taz Knockum is not on it.

    http://gotigersgo.cstv.com/sports/m-footbl/mtt/knockum_taz00.html

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous5:27 PM

    Colt McCoy - Texas QB

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous7:11 PM

    uhhhhhh google the name lucious pusey.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous7:51 PM

    Current Auburn OT, King Dunlap

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous8:31 PM

    Jabulani Lovelace, QB Rutgers should be on there

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous9:11 PM

    Brit Barefoot kicker, Southern Miss

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous10:10 PM

    richie rich unc tailback

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous10:35 PM

    Def missed Luscious Pusey LB Eastern Illinois
    http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/player/profile?playerId=148900

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous11:21 PM

    John David Booty of USC should be on there somewhere.

    ReplyDelete
  17. don't forget former michigan state RB little john flowers.

    http://www.nfl.com/players/playerpage/303156

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous1:02 AM

    Tulane has Okoye AND Nick Cannon.

    "But Daddy, Nick Cannon is hilarious..."

    "F-k Nick Cannon! I'm Dave Chappelle!"

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous9:18 AM

    John C. Van Dam... yes!

    John Corey Van Dam... Lame. Take him off.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Anonymous9:46 AM

    TJ Slaughter - LB Southern Miss

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous9:47 AM

    TJ Slaughter LB Southern Miss

    ReplyDelete
  22. Anonymous9:57 AM

    Jaworski Pollack ex WR Unc

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anonymous9:59 AM

    Southern Illinois features the following players:

    PK Craig Coffin, WR Nigel LeBlanc, OG Aaron Lockwood, WR Jay Upthegrove and C Will Justice.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Anonymous10:22 AM

    This list must be named the George Shorthose All Name List...George Shorthose, WR, University of Colorado

    ReplyDelete
  25. Anonymous11:01 AM

    former FAMU starting center Scientific Mapp

    ReplyDelete
  26. Anonymous12:13 PM

    Craphonso Thorpe WR Florida...

    How do you leave that one off...

    ReplyDelete
  27. Anonymous2:14 PM

    What about Lyle Hitt and Marlon Favorite both DL for LSU?

    Or you coould go crazy with Auburn players...WR Ulysses Alexander, S Aairon Savage, WR Prechae Rodriguez,DE Octavious Balkcomm, DT Sen'Derrick Marks, NT Tez Doolittle

    I always though Alabama's DT Wallace Gilberry should be nicknamed Ding..."Make the stop for the Tide Ding Gilberry...

    He plays alongside LB Alex Butt and DT Brandon Fanney..."...and he's brought down by Alabama's Butt and Fanney."

    Or my favorite, the QB combo Casey Dick and Robert Johnson playing for Coach Nutt at Arkansas? It'll be great when they play Auburn led by Brandon Cox...

    ReplyDelete
  28. Anonymous3:01 PM

    this lsit is not complete without Sirjoe Seph Welch from Ohio State on the roster.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Anonymous4:36 PM

    Zaire Kitchen S Rutgers

    ReplyDelete
  30. Anonymous4:39 PM

    How about Zaire Kitchen S Rutgers

    ReplyDelete
  31. Anonymous4:42 PM

    Several cool names on the VT Hokies roster....imagine seeing the following last names of these Hokie defensive players on the field together: Ladi Ajiboye, Jason Adjepong, Xavier Adibi not to mention Jahre Cheeseman.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Anonymous4:57 PM

    Zaire Kitchen - Rutgers frosh lb; a "kitchen" no qb wants to trapped in!!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Anonymous5:50 PM

    Illinois has Poo Stane

    ReplyDelete
  34. Anonymous5:59 PM

    what about Iowa St. S. Twiggy Dump

    ReplyDelete
  35. Anonymous6:59 PM

    No Dusty Mangum, Texas K....What gives?

    ReplyDelete
  36. Anonymous12:09 AM

    When is Mike Cox of GT gonna get some love?

    ReplyDelete
  37. Anonymous2:50 AM

    I-Perfection Harris gets better because the I stands for Immaculate.

    Seriously. The kid's name is Immaculate Perfection Harris.

    ReplyDelete
  38. How did they forget the Duke QB Zack Asack? If you have a QB named Asack, would your OT be named Missedblock?

    ReplyDelete
  39. Anonymous11:11 AM

    What about Kareem Onertits, Harry Balsagnaface, Ray Pachik, Stan Keysnatch and his brother Ron Keysnatch, Lou Bupyerballs, Mike Ockizard...

    ReplyDelete
  40. Anonymous3:35 PM

    How about Southern Miss PK Britt Barefoot ?

    ReplyDelete
  41. Anonymous3:30 PM

    GT Has:
    QB Reggie Ball
    WR Calvin Johnson
    WR James Johnson
    FB Mike Cox

    (all starters)

    Therefore, Tech has a Ball, 2 Johnsons, and 1 Cox.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Anonymous1:31 PM

    Why is Kyle Schlicher the Kicker at Iowa not included?? The boy was destined to kick footballs. Come on!!

    ReplyDelete
  43. Anonymous1:50 PM

    Univ. of Akron starting corner?

    Reggie Corner, of course......

    ReplyDelete
  44. Anonymous5:24 PM

    Honorable Mention: Michigan Punter - Zoltan Mesko

    ReplyDelete
  45. Anonymous2:43 AM

    Ga Tech - I-Perfection Harris...whose brother (a high school senior) is named I-Supreme...

    ballers, obviously

    and to the idiot that listed Craphonso Thorpe as a current Florida WR...

    1) He went to Florida State
    2) He hasn't played there in a couple years

    ReplyDelete
  46. Anonymous6:22 PM

    Alabama's new QB Sarah Jessica Parker Wilson.

    ReplyDelete
  47. In the mid-80s Texas A&M had a running back named Harry Johnson.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Anonymous6:34 PM

    How does Ray Ray McElrathby make the list when you have ALL those other classic names... I mean come on, Scientific Mapp... And his brother used to play for FSU. His brothers name is Majestic Mapp

    ReplyDelete
  49. Anonymous2:32 PM

    Marshall has a player named Uranius Johnson...HOW did that not make it?

    ReplyDelete
  50. Anonymous9:08 PM

    1969 Texas K: Happy Feller

    ReplyDelete
  51. Anonymous10:05 AM

    Wrong team, wrong sport......Majestic Mapp was a point guard for Virginia basketball.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Anonymous3:05 PM

    While nursing an intense hangover this Saturday, I was filling my mind with internet drivel* via gorillamask.net.

    I noticed a description on one of the links for an all-name team and at first I thought "some motherfuckers copied the realests!"

    Then I clicked the link and thought "some motherfuckers even copied the realests' website!"

    Then I realized it was your actual website. Congrats.

    *you guys are not internet drivel

    ReplyDelete
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  54. Anonymous10:39 PM

    How about South Carolina K Ryan Succop?

    ReplyDelete
  55. Anonymous1:15 PM

    Check out current UGA players!

    Joe Cox
    Brandon Wood
    Neland Ball
    Israel Troupe
    Rennie Curran
    Fred Munzenmaier
    Darius Dewberry
    Kiante Tripp
    Trinton Sturdivant
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    ReplyDelete
  56. Anonymous9:40 AM

    Former Nebraska great RB: I. M. Hipp .... wins it hands down for me.

    ReplyDelete
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    One of my personal Favourites has to be De'Cody Fagg ,how many gay college boys
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  58. Anonymous4:21 PM

    One of the most famous college names of all time
    Lucious Pusey -> you'll be sad to see that Lucious Seymour
    Pusey has legally changed his name to Lucious young twinks .
    Which brings about the question...how many King Cobras
    does it take for you decide that twink boy amsterdam is a good name for your child?

    ReplyDelete
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