Unfortunately, you never know what your players' names are. So you know what you're missing out on, we put together the 2006 College Football All-Name Team for the most coincidental, absurd and obnoxious names in all of Division I-A.
Update: Upon further review, SMU TE Vincent Chase has been replaced by MSU's Kyle Sackrider on the All-Name Team. Sorry Vince...
STARRING:
&
OFFENSE:
QB: Jim Bob Cooter (Tennessee) - the gold standard for student-athletes
RB: Richie Rich (North Carolina)
RB: Jimmy Johns (Alabama)
WR: De'Cody Fagg (Florida State)
WR: Darius Passmore (Marshall)
TE: Kyle Sackrider (Michigan State) - that's just unfortunate...
OL: Shelley Smith (Colorado State) - Don't say it - asshole...
OL: Joe Girardi (Miami) - Marlins manager doubling as UM lineman???
OL: Joseph Joseph (Louisiana-Monroe) - not a lot of creativity in this one...
OL: Hercules Satele (Hawaii)
OL: Jason Alexander (San Diego State)
DEFENSE:
DL: Colin Ferrell (Kent State)
DL: Avery Hannibal (Mississippi State) - gotta have this facemask...
DL: David Escobar (Ohio) - is this the guy that drugged up Frank Solich?
DL: LeQuantum McDonald (Baylor)
LB: Ian Handshy (Kansas)
LB: John Mark Patrick (Troy)
LB: Billy Ray (West Virginia) - must be very confusing...
DB: Christian Okoye (Tulane) - Nigerian Nigthmare, Part II???
DB: Sir Darean Adams (Michigan State)
DB: Knowledge Timmons (Penn State)
DB: Ray Ray McElrathbey (Clemson) - a sentimental selection...
P/K: Keith Toogood (Texas Tech) - this guy better have balls of steel...
HONORABLE MENTION:
TE Vincent Chase (SMU) - must be the center of every party
WR Maserati Jemison (Arizona State)
QB John Van Dam (Michigan State) - must.. know.. middle.. name..
DL Untavious Scott (Troy)
Michigan: Mister Simpson RB
ReplyDeleteHahahaha, my favorite is definitely LeQuantum.
ReplyDeleteI think you have to consider I-Perfection Harris formerly of GT.
ReplyDeleteAtari Bigby - former UCF Safety
ReplyDeleteHow is Kyle Sackrider only honorable mention?
ReplyDeleteI second Mister Simpson. Also Prince Kwateng (LB, Northwestern).
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing Jimmy Johns has 4.2 speed ...
ReplyDeleteThis list is garbage if current University of Memphis Wide Receiver (former RB) Taz Knockum is not on it.
ReplyDeletehttp://gotigersgo.cstv.com/sports/m-footbl/mtt/knockum_taz00.html
Colt McCoy - Texas QB
ReplyDeleteuhhhhhh google the name lucious pusey.
ReplyDeleteCurrent Auburn OT, King Dunlap
ReplyDeleteJabulani Lovelace, QB Rutgers should be on there
ReplyDeleteBrit Barefoot kicker, Southern Miss
ReplyDeleterichie rich unc tailback
ReplyDeleteDef missed Luscious Pusey LB Eastern Illinois
ReplyDeletehttp://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/player/profile?playerId=148900
John David Booty of USC should be on there somewhere.
ReplyDeletedon't forget former michigan state RB little john flowers.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.nfl.com/players/playerpage/303156
Tulane has Okoye AND Nick Cannon.
ReplyDelete"But Daddy, Nick Cannon is hilarious..."
"F-k Nick Cannon! I'm Dave Chappelle!"
John C. Van Dam... yes!
ReplyDeleteJohn Corey Van Dam... Lame. Take him off.
TJ Slaughter - LB Southern Miss
ReplyDeleteTJ Slaughter LB Southern Miss
ReplyDeleteJaworski Pollack ex WR Unc
ReplyDeleteSouthern Illinois features the following players:
ReplyDeletePK Craig Coffin, WR Nigel LeBlanc, OG Aaron Lockwood, WR Jay Upthegrove and C Will Justice.
This list must be named the George Shorthose All Name List...George Shorthose, WR, University of Colorado
ReplyDeleteformer FAMU starting center Scientific Mapp
ReplyDeleteCraphonso Thorpe WR Florida...
ReplyDeleteHow do you leave that one off...
What about Lyle Hitt and Marlon Favorite both DL for LSU?
ReplyDeleteOr you coould go crazy with Auburn players...WR Ulysses Alexander, S Aairon Savage, WR Prechae Rodriguez,DE Octavious Balkcomm, DT Sen'Derrick Marks, NT Tez Doolittle
I always though Alabama's DT Wallace Gilberry should be nicknamed Ding..."Make the stop for the Tide Ding Gilberry...
He plays alongside LB Alex Butt and DT Brandon Fanney..."...and he's brought down by Alabama's Butt and Fanney."
Or my favorite, the QB combo Casey Dick and Robert Johnson playing for Coach Nutt at Arkansas? It'll be great when they play Auburn led by Brandon Cox...
this lsit is not complete without Sirjoe Seph Welch from Ohio State on the roster.
ReplyDeleteZaire Kitchen S Rutgers
ReplyDeleteHow about Zaire Kitchen S Rutgers
ReplyDeleteSeveral cool names on the VT Hokies roster....imagine seeing the following last names of these Hokie defensive players on the field together: Ladi Ajiboye, Jason Adjepong, Xavier Adibi not to mention Jahre Cheeseman.
ReplyDeleteZaire Kitchen - Rutgers frosh lb; a "kitchen" no qb wants to trapped in!!
ReplyDeleteIllinois has Poo Stane
ReplyDeletewhat about Iowa St. S. Twiggy Dump
ReplyDeleteNo Dusty Mangum, Texas K....What gives?
ReplyDeleteWhen is Mike Cox of GT gonna get some love?
ReplyDeleteI-Perfection Harris gets better because the I stands for Immaculate.
ReplyDeleteSeriously. The kid's name is Immaculate Perfection Harris.
How did they forget the Duke QB Zack Asack? If you have a QB named Asack, would your OT be named Missedblock?
ReplyDeleteWhat about Kareem Onertits, Harry Balsagnaface, Ray Pachik, Stan Keysnatch and his brother Ron Keysnatch, Lou Bupyerballs, Mike Ockizard...
ReplyDeleteHow about Southern Miss PK Britt Barefoot ?
ReplyDeleteGT Has:
ReplyDeleteQB Reggie Ball
WR Calvin Johnson
WR James Johnson
FB Mike Cox
(all starters)
Therefore, Tech has a Ball, 2 Johnsons, and 1 Cox.
Why is Kyle Schlicher the Kicker at Iowa not included?? The boy was destined to kick footballs. Come on!!
ReplyDeleteUniv. of Akron starting corner?
ReplyDeleteReggie Corner, of course......
Honorable Mention: Michigan Punter - Zoltan Mesko
ReplyDeleteGa Tech - I-Perfection Harris...whose brother (a high school senior) is named I-Supreme...
ReplyDeleteballers, obviously
and to the idiot that listed Craphonso Thorpe as a current Florida WR...
1) He went to Florida State
2) He hasn't played there in a couple years
Alabama's new QB Sarah Jessica Parker Wilson.
ReplyDeleteIn the mid-80s Texas A&M had a running back named Harry Johnson.
ReplyDeleteHow does Ray Ray McElrathby make the list when you have ALL those other classic names... I mean come on, Scientific Mapp... And his brother used to play for FSU. His brothers name is Majestic Mapp
ReplyDeleteMarshall has a player named Uranius Johnson...HOW did that not make it?
ReplyDelete1969 Texas K: Happy Feller
ReplyDeleteWrong team, wrong sport......Majestic Mapp was a point guard for Virginia basketball.
ReplyDeleteWhile nursing an intense hangover this Saturday, I was filling my mind with internet drivel* via gorillamask.net.
ReplyDeleteI noticed a description on one of the links for an all-name team and at first I thought "some motherfuckers copied the realests!"
Then I clicked the link and thought "some motherfuckers even copied the realests' website!"
Then I realized it was your actual website. Congrats.
*you guys are not internet drivel
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How about South Carolina K Ryan Succop?
ReplyDeleteCheck out current UGA players!
ReplyDeleteJoe Cox
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ReplyDeleteOne of my personal Favourites has to be De'Cody Fagg ,how many gay college boys
ReplyDeletedo ya think wanted to give him a good bareback riding after the game
check out more about bareback college
One of the most famous college names of all time
ReplyDeleteLucious Pusey -> you'll be sad to see that Lucious Seymour
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