EPIPHANY OF AN ASSCLOWN SPORTSWRITER

What extremely intelligent insight can I add that hasn't already been said about the BCS controversy?

*****Light bulb!!!!!*****

Texas Tech is getting screwed too because they beat Texas! Why aren't they in the discussion?!?!?!?!?!??!

....You've done it again....



Nice try, ass wipe. You can't have a national champion that lost a game by 44 points. You just can't. And if you can't respect that, your whole perspective is wack.

For the record, we think Texas deserves to play for the national title but Oklahoma is the better team.

Our long-term solution is a four-team playoff but for right now we're calling on Big 12 Commish Dan Beebe to grow a pair, boot Mizzou from the title game and have a UT-OU showdown to set up an orgasmic weekend of college football.

REALESTS T-DAY PREDICTION

We don't need to remind you of our past prediction prowess, so we'll just say this:

Lions 48, Titans 36.

Drew Henson: 37-52, 407 YDS, 4 TDs.

Any questions?

Call us suckers, but we'll never give up on the Drewski. At least until he gets cut by the Lions.

Then we're done.

OLD SCHOOL JAM OF THE DAY

The MGoBlog post about The Realests really got us thinking: There's been a huge shortage of Lil Wayne on this blog recently.

Well we decided to dip into our archive and dust off a classic from the cinematic debut Baller Blockin' (2000) by the Case Money Millionaires (not to be confused with the Cash Money Billionaires, the Big Tymers or Hot Boys).

For those who haven't seen it, Blockin' falls somewhere between Baby Geniuses and State Property.

It's amazing to think about Wayne's longevity when you see him next to flash-in-the-pan artists like Juvenile, Birdman and Mannie Fresh.

And lastly, a quick shout-out to Sobes, who personally turned this into our dorm room's freshman year anthem by blasting before every single party at TEP.



And with that, enjoy your Thanksgiving.

DEFENDING OUR TAKE ON RR

We'll be the first to tell you that MGoBlog is a trillion times better than this site and that if it's the Charles Woodson of Michigan blogs, we are the Johnny Sears.

But we'd like to defend our position that Rich Rod MUST reach a BCS bowl in 2010 or face the axe if we win 6 or 7 games next season - a position Brian Cook vehemently disagrees with:

We aren’t saying SHOULD Rich Rod be fired in 2010 if this happens. Bill Martin made a ballsy choice by going with RR and there’s no turning back now or two years down the road. No doubt it would take at least another two years for someone else to come in, implement a new system and recruit their own players to be successful.

What we’re saying is that Bill Martin won’t be able to handle the heat if Michigan goes, say, 8-4 and winds up in the Outback Bowl in 2010. Point blank: Whether it's fair or not, that's the reality of coaching Michigan.

This is what Dick Rod ALREADY has working against him after one season:

• The sloppy West Virginia divorce. Do we give a shit about that? No. But it’s just more ammo for anyone gunning at RR that this has been a complete shitshow from the beginning.

• Public perception as a sleaze bag. That includes the Justin Boren transfer, Joe Tiller’s “snake-oil salesman” comments, Jim Tressel’s “gentleman” jab (all minor by themselves) and the AA Rumor Mill already spinning about how much the players hate him for constantly degrading them as “C****” and “P******”.

• A very fair argument that this team actually regressed over the course of the season. I remember people saying it felt like we won the Utah game because we actually fought back and showed potential. People even said that after Notre Dame, insisting once we cut out the turnovers we'd have a real offense. Now this team's being dubbed the biggest embarassment in school history.

• The appearance, at the very least, that this Michigan team is already divided. Everyone saw Charles Stewart go apeshit on the sidelines, but there was TONS of finger-pointing on Saturday (Donovan Warren stood out in particular although we would have screamed at Stevie Brown all Saturday too) and Brandon Minor basically called out teammates afterward. Of course everyone’s going to be pissed off at the end of this season. But aside from winning, NOTHING is more important to Michigan except its "pristine image" - especially in the post-Fab Five Era.

• A “free pass” with Michigan fans that expired sooner than anyone expected. He was supposed to get at least one year; instead he got about six games. This is the same fan base that revolted against Lloyd Carr for “mediocrity” despite 3 trips to the Rose Bowl in his final 4 years and reputation as a class act (please believe we aren’t defending Lloyd, just stating the facts).

• The pressure on Bill Martin would be absolutely CRUSHING to get the program back into the hands of a “Michigan Man” such as Jim Harbaugh, Les Miles or even Brady Hoke (if you post a comment below stating we should have hired Hoke instead of Rodriguez, we will hunt you down and destroy you). As recent college graduates, we’re completely disillusioned about how many fans agreed with us that the football program needed a complete overhaul. We caught a huge break that the Les Miles negotiations turned into a complete debacle and there really were no other “Michigan Men” that made viable candidates. RR is still getting shit for the smallest slights of tradition, i.e. not naming permanent team captains, giving away #1 to a non-receiver or not telling the complete oral history of the Little Brown Jug. We agree: It's completely absurd. But again, this will come back to haunt Rod if he doesn't win.

• We hear a lot of "Rich Rod can't be expected to reach a BCS bowl with a sophomore QB!" Please. Doesn't Sam Bradford already feel like a 7th-year senior to you? A QB that's started an entire year (whether it's Forcier or Beaver) has plenty of experience in the college game - just ask LSU or Wisconsin.

• The fact 8-4 doesn’t mean dick these days. Wisconsin and Minnesota are 7-5 and we won’t even get started on how bad either looked last weekend. Throw in a nonconference schedule over the next two years that will feature 3 complete Jokers and Notre Dame, and there’s no way 8-4 will cut it in 2010.

• Jim Tressel. This guy took John Cooper’s complete mess and won the national title in Year Two! And if Michigan loses to Michigan in 2009 and 2010 (which they will have to avoid to reach a BCS bowl in 2010), that will be seven losses in a row to Ohio State (OK, that's a lot of "ifs" - we're just explaining our logic here).

And you don’t think heads will be rolling at that point? Yeah, good luck with that RR.

Editor's Update: To whoever posted below: Eat it.

"THE DAY AFTER" POSTGAME REACTIONS

So much for "Shock the World Weekend." After somehow convincing ourselves that Michigan actually had a shot at a 1969-esque upset that would save the season, it turned into the bloodbath everyone expected.

Here us what we remember from the nightmare:

• We're not sure if this was visible from the aerial shots, but there were NO Michigan fans there. It really was astonishing. The entire visitor's section was full of Buckeyes and there couldn't have been more than 5,000 Michigan fans in the entire place. Can't really blame UM fans for not showing up at this point but we felt like we were traveling with Rice.

• I never thought I'd say this, but Ohio State fans don't even hate Michigan anymore. How sad is that? We're like their version of State - just a bunch of jokers. I still believe if John Navarre had completed that TD pass in 2002, I would have suffered serious bodily harm (as evidenced by the guy next to me screaming after the INT, "Take your P****** back up North!!!!!"). Yesterday when we were walking out of the stadium, OSU fans were passing along their condolences and trying to shake our hands for traveling to C-Bus. It was disgusting.

• We don't want to become one of those crazy fan sites, but Scott Shafer really should be fired. Granted, Dick Rod's really in a no-win situation here. If Shafer is whacked, people will say RR is unloyal and passing the blame onto his assistants. But there's NO WAY the defense should have been this bad. The 2-play, 90-yard drive was absolute rock bottom. Overall, the second half collapses were mind-boggling. Agaist Illinois, Penn State and Ohio State combined, we were outscored 88-6... 88-6! Marinate on that for a second.

• Happy Trails, Sam McGuffie! We've already resigned ourselves to the fact The Matrix is transferring, and who can blame the kid? Every time he touches the ball is like watching a commercial for Terry Tate Office Linebacker. He could really be a valuable kick returner/3rd down back for Big Blue, but who can blame the kid if he heads home to play for Sam Houston State?

• This sounds insane but we were actually pleasantly surprised by the offense yesterday. After the first couple drives, it looked like we weren't going to pick up a first down. Brandon Minor continued to look like a star in the making and we actually got into a rhythm late in the 2nd quarter before the wheels fell off on defense. We're looking for any positives here, people!

• You know in "The Program" when Omar Epps carries a football around campus everywhere he goes? Martavious Odoms should do that for the next 9 months. That's all we have to say about that or we will end up smashing a lamp shade over our head.

• And now for the Million Dollar Question: Will Dick Rod turn it around in Year 2? Our guess: Not really. We're predicting a sloppy 7-5 campaign (Notre Dame is just as big a disaster and we will go to the ends of the Earth to find the other 3 biggest nonconference cupcakes in the land after losing to Appalachian State and Toledo in consecutive years) and a loss in the Alamo, setting up a situation in Year 3 that he MUST reach a BCS bowl. No pressure, though.

SHOCK THE WORLD WEEKEND!!!!!!!!

Yeah, Michigan invented that phrase. And now we're busting it out 20 years later.

The mission is clear: One down, two to go (OK, we didn't invent that phrase).

Now that Michigan hoops has knocked off UCLA, it's time to down our two arch-rivals and get our swag (last seen below) back, kids!

Can't say enough about John Beilein tonight. Their stud freshman is Jrue Holiday and ours is Stu "Big Dick" Douglass. That really says it all. As Dickie V would say, "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!"

The most relieved man in America right now has to be Bill Martin. Just when we think he can't get any dumber - with the basketball and football teams both recording the worst seasons in school history - he goes and does something like this... AND COMPLETELY REDEEMS HIMSELF!!!!!

OK, we're off to Columbus. We'll be back on Monday to gloat some more.

SHAWN LAZARUS FLIPS THE SCRIPT

This is dated today but we find it hard to believe we just came across this hours after it was posted.

Anyway, in the long line of massive white ogre DTs at Michigan, it appears Shawn Lazarus just spilled his guts on the Internet today and became a born-again Christian.

Woah big fella. We're not really sure what to say.

Go Blue?

JIM JONES ENTERS THEATER GAME

And we thought plays were for douches.

That's until we heard about the "off-off-off-Broadway" production, "Hip-Hop Monologues: Inside the Life and Mind of Jim Jones." Sounds like a real classic:

"When controversial but true to the street rapper Jim Jones returns home to his Harlem neighborhood, his fame creates quite a buzz with reporters, fans, old friends and jealous enemies. After almost getting killed in an impromptu dice game, Jim is counseled by an old-school elder on how to endure the stresses of being famous and the great responsibility of teaching the next generation. Jim ultimately finds himself having to make the decision of his life: taking the elder’s wise advice or returning to his street ways at the risk of losing everything."

In other Jim Jones news, he has also sworn off saying "My n****" and replaced it with "My Obama."

Well, it's official: Jones is brain-dead.

A FOND FAREWELL TO TRL

This is one of the darker days in Realests history.

It's up there with W's reelection in '04, "34-2", Michigan's loss to Appalachian State and the entire 2008 season.

So you bet your ass we'll be watching tonight's final episode of TRL (8:00 PM) with a bottle of Malibu in one hand and a hanky in the other (oh how we'll miss idiots screaming their heads off at the end of every request...)

Please join us in the mourning of crap songs like this that - in a way - is also a way of saying goodbye to a part of ourselves.

As Jay would say: "There's food for thought - you do the dishes."

THAT COULD BE A WRAP FOR G. ROB

Call it our Sixth Sense - but we have a very strong feeling Greg Robinson will be relieved of his duties as Syracuse head coach on Monday.

We don't cheer for coaches to be fired (this changes families' livelihoods) but after dropping to 2-8, the alums are going bonkers and it's the only way to end the season in a positive way (see: Washington).

OLD SCHOOL JAM OF THE DAY

Atten-CHUN!!!!!!

This is the epitome of gutter rap. Do you think it's just a coincidence that inner-city homicides jumped 1,000% the summer this came out?

Probably.

FAKEST OF THE WEEK

We all got a good laugh on signing day 2005 when Myron Rolle declared he would be attending Florida State because of its great medical school.

But we're not laughing anymore. Getting your game time changed so you can interview as a finalist for the Rhodes Scholarship, then doing the Deion Sanders-helicopter-into-the-game act?

Stop playin', Myron!

While columnists across the country goo themselves writing about this, it's time for a reality check.

I've been to Oxford. It's just a snobbier Ivy. Why not enter your name in the NFL Draft instead, rake in tens of millions before you blow your knees out at 25 and THEN do the whole "Finding myself" thing?

2008-09 MICHIGAN BBALL FIRST IMPRESSIONS

Huge win over Northeastern tonight. Bring on the Bruins! After missing last night's game (and skipping the entire Big Ten Preview), here's our take on this year's team.

• Manny Harris is WAY too good to play for Michigan. Thanks Tommy! Corperryale with a near-triple-double in his second game? Very LeBron James-esque. And how sweet would those back-to-back dunks have been? I'd love to say "Wait 'til next year" with this guy, but I'm not sure there will be one. Our only hope is that Harris realizes he'll get pounded in the NBA with his current frame and comes back for Michigan's first trip to The Dance since '98.

• LOVED the "Hair Gel" chant by the Maize Rage. It's all that needed to be said. That's why we're the Leaders And Best, folks!

• Very encouraging performance by DeShawn Sims after shooting under 40-percent last season. But dude still settles for the outside shot too much. This guy makes Vagina Face look tough on the block.

• Zack Gibson is a poor man's Graham Brown. That's not a good thing. I've seen more talent at the IM Building.

• We're still bitter about Robin Benzing being declared ineligible this season. You won't hear about it at all this season because Benzing is stuck in Europe, but we really could have used him. You don't hear anyone comparing Gibston to Dirk Nowitzki.

• What does it say about the rest of Michigan's roster that Stu Douglas is splitting the backcourt with Manny? If Harris gets injured we might as well forfeit the entire season (hey, we've done it before). We don't care how Beilein finds them (don't count on landing anyone from Detroit), but he needs a real recruiting class.

• Kelvin Grady is the most overhyped player in Michigan history since Kevin Grady. Do these two just sit in their dorm room all day smoking bud and playing Mario Kart?

SIDE NOTES:

• There's been WAY to much coverage about the new 3-point line now that we've finally seen it in person. If they really wanted to curb 3s, they should have pushed it halfway out to the NBA line.

• How crazy was it watching Jay Williams doing color on The U? This guy should be dominating in the NBA right now. People forget how ridiculous he was in college.

• We expect this from the rest of Crisler Arena, but the Maize Rage's attendance was dismal. I don't care if Michigan's got back-to-backs: Get your ass out there and find that fuckin' dog!

OK that's a wrap for now. See you all at The Garden. And remember, drinks are on Bill Martin!

TURTLE? ... REALLY?

Reason 367,783,632,354 celebrities have better lives than us: Even in real life, Jamie-Lynn Sigler jerks off Turtle.

We'd resigned ourselves to the fact that, like his character on "Entourage", Jerry Ferrara regularly outkicked his coverage in real life with Adrian Grenier's sloppy seconds, but this is just ... mind blowing.

For her to pick Turtle over any douche bag in southern California - we don't know whether to applaud or cry.

Probably both.

YOU BASTARDS!!!!!!!

Why did no one give us a heads up about this?!

Two years after saving Gunston from annihilation, George Mason has once again decided to discontinue the loveable furball. It's like some kind of doggy genocide going on over there in Fairfax.

This is the same school that once praised him, citing his "out-of-this-world dance moves and enthusiasm for Mason Athletics, Gunston is the Patriots' most recognized and biggest fan, soaking in all of what George Mason University has to offer."

Of course, GMU doesn't have the balls to say they're killing him off - instead saying Gunston's "graduating" to participate in "Go Green" events. (Is this Obama's plan to fixing the energy crisis?)

Spare us your PR machine. We know, and his 5,000 Facebook friends know, you're putting the dirty mutt to sleep.

We can only hope the person in possession of the costume has enough balls to show at Mason's home opener in character with a noose around his neck and constantly give the new mascot the slit-throat from the student section.

And we're once again calling on Realests Nation to take a stand. We already saved him once. How hard could it be the second time?

And if worst comes to worst, there's a mascot opening in Ann Arbor...

WHOEVER SAID THIS IS A GENIUS

"Facebook has turned into a Barackakke."

Thank you good sir - that's just outstanding. It's crazy when you click on Recently Updated Profiles and you get 40 people that say "X is PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN" and "Yes, we did!"

What can we say? Bitch may be the new black, but black is the new President, bitch.

IVERSON = THE ABOMINABLE DEFENDER

I've had Allen Iverson's back since he was smashing fools upside the head with chairs at the bowling alley. I even owned a pair of I3's!

But it's time to call a Spade a Spade and say this trade was a horrible idea by Joe Dumars. Darko Milicic bad. Yeah, you got an expiring contract. But the guy can't shoot for shit and his defense is a disaster.

Giving up 38 points to Devin Harris on Day One? It would have been even worse but the Pistons kept Rodney Stuckey on Harris late in the second half instead of A1 Sauce - granted, Stuckey's defense was awful too.

Point is: Dude couldn't guard a Toaster Strudel.

Hope that's worth a shot at the Carlos Boozer Sweepstakes this offseason (we know you can't trust his word...) or the LBJ Bonanza in 2010.

HOT OFF THE PRESS

We're really just blown away by how much newspapers are playing the race card and throwing objectivity straight out the window in the wake of Barack Obama's historic victory tonight.

Here's an early sampling of headlines from around the country:

New York Times:

"Chocolate Reign!"

* Please, please let this be his theme song at the inauguration

Washington Post:

"Fo Shizzle My Nizzle!"

L.A. Times:

"Always Bet on Black"

Harlem News:

"American Gangster"

Crown Heights Herald:

"That's My Ni**a!!!!"

Ann Arbor News:

"Kill Whitey!!!!!!!"

Biloxi Daily News:

"Negro Steals Presidency"

Charleston Times:

"Terrorist in Chief"

Vicksburg Post:

"Black Tuesday"



Well, at least most of the country's on board!

JESSE VENTURA, AL FRANKEN? WHO'S NEXT?

Update: Flip the script. Apparently Franken has lost by a mere 571 votes. We still like Hacksaw's chances in 2012.

Consider this the beginning of his 2012 campaign in the Minnesota Senate:


HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT...

You come into the Big House, become the first MAC team ever to beat Michigan and that STILL doesn't buy you a month before you get the axe? (At least we'll always cherish these...)

Go Blue.