TSKITISHVILI'S REVENGE

People keep talking about how the Knicks had the worst draft of anyone in the league.

That's absurd.

Nikoloz Tskitishvili had the worst draft - hands down. While people were discussing Andrea Bargnani, Nikoloz's name was constantly dragged through the mud as the "worst-case scenario." Even Dickie V took a shot at Tish, pronouncing his name two different ways in a span of 5 seconds.


Tish in 2002

Yeah, the guy has averaged only 3 points a game in 4 NBA seasons and has been passed around more than Jenna Jameson. But Tish always has been and always will be one of our favorite players, and let us tell you something: he loves proving critics wrong.

As I write this, Tish is running suicide drills. Tish's backward shot is almost perfected, the most deadly weapon since Kareem's sky hook.

You watch, Nikoloz will lead the Suns to the NBA Championship next year.


The secret weapon...

IT'S NOT DELIVERY.... IT'S BARGNANI!!!!!!

We look up Andrea Bargnani and read things like "excellent athletic skills", "runs the court very well with good speed and quickness", "adept at beating his dribbler off the ball" and "really, really good looking."

Call us haters, but after watching this video of him dunking a ball onto his own head and falling down, all we see is a doofus (love the music though...):

MAJERUS: "NOT A BIG GAY GUY"

There isn't a player in the NBA Draft with less heart than Rudy Gay. Rick Majerus says as much, while strangely defending his sexuality in the process (pay particular attention to Steve Lavin's face in this clip):



We're sure Rudy Gay is very disappointed Rick Majerus doesn't play for the other side ... Smile, Rudy!

ADAM MORRISON: THE NEW FACE OF MARXISM

We've been beaten over the head with the story of Adam Morrison reading Karl Marx and hanging flags of Che Guevara on his wall.

But, has anyone noticed this guy is really starting to look like the guerrilla leader, and, couldn't he be planning to use the NBA as his platform for a Marxist Revolution????

That's food for thought....

By the way, these t-shirts would sell like crazy:

Photo art by T-Dizzle

AMMENDMENT TO THE 'M'ISERABLE 10

In our list of the most pathetic Michigan sports moments from the 2005-06 school year, how did I forget this one?! Forgive me...

Considering Brent Musberger's commentary, this could be #1 on the list: "Take it home! Big fella does it! Yeah big fella!"

(And let's not forget his call of the T.J. Duckett touchdown in 2001, alluding to the World Series: "First it was Martinez! Then it was Brosius! Now it's SSSSSSSmoker!!!!!")

Man, that guy is a douche...

WILL HORTON GET DRAFTED?

It's hard to believe that Daniel Horton, who was 10X better than any of his teammates last year, is still dangerously close to going undrafted. In the following Yahoo! preview, they rank him 78th overall (there are 60 picks in the entire draft).

Obviously Horton's strong pre-draft workouts haven't impressed Yahoo that much, as they have him sandwiched between Sun Ye and Leonardo Di Pacce Dos Santos.

Let's just say if Horton is doing the post-graduation Europe-thing this summer, he should book the ticket one way...

FACEBOOK PICTURE OF THE WEEK

This week we have a very special guest on The Realests: Cleveland Browns' stud Braylon Edwards.

We had to give him a shout out based solely on the fact he still updates his Facebook profile. It was just icing on the cake that we found such a great pic of Braylicious to show you guys.

"Who the FUCK let this clown-ass dude in my party?..."

Bray: didn't you get the memo about Cristal being racist???

That's alright, we still love you #1...

REVISITING THE Y2K NBA DRAFT GLITCH

Everyone's talking about how bad the talent pool is in this NBA Draft. People: we've gotten a little spoiled with the LeBrons, Carmelos and Dwyanes.

Let's all take a look back at the 2000 Draft Class, which is a giant stain on the record books.

1. Kenyon Martin, New Jersey
2. Stromile Swift, Vancouver
3. Darius Miles, LA Clippers
4. Marcus Fizer, Chicago
5. Mike Miller, Orlando
6. DerMarr Johnson, Atlanta
7. Chris Mihm, Chicago (traded to Cleveland)
8. Jamal Crawford, Cleveland (traded to Chicago)
9. Joel Przybilla, Houston
10. Keyon Dooling, Orlando

You know you've got a problem when the top 6 draft picks don't start in the league and no one in the top 10 is with his original team.

As pointed out by ESPN earlier, best player in the entire class is Michael Redd (43rd overall to the Bucks).

Shit, even Mark Madsen was a first-round pick (29th overall to the Lakers)!

The only place Mark Madsen ever fit in...

"IT'S A WALK-OFF..."

Gangsters don't dance, and Tom Cruise and Pat Riley definitely fall under that category. So here they both are "walking" to Yung Joc's "It's Going Down." Seeing as no one pulled a pair of underwear out of their pants, we'll call this a draw:

Warning: Playing them simultaneously could make your head explode...

CRUISE


RILEY

WORST...BLOG...EVER...

Or is it the best blog ever???

EVIL VS. EVIL

I believe it was "The Chronicles of Riddick" that put it best:

"In normal times, evil would be fought by good. But in times like these, well, it should be fought by another kind of evil."

Well, that's exactly what is going on with Michael Strahan's divorce from his wife. If you haven't been reading the NY Post lately, here's a summary:

* Wifey wants $14 million dollars
* Strahan's lawyers have devised a genius strategy for him to act like he is suffering from amnesia - he claims he can't remember:
1) Wife's birth date
2) 18-month old twins' birthday
3) Wedding anniversary
4) Love letters he wrote to his wife (although he DOES acknowledge he recognizes the handwriting as his own...)
5) A song he sang to her named "Green Eyes"
* Wife walks out of the courtroom and calls him gay

Let's just hope this ends up with a better ending than C.O.R....

U.S. OUSTED BY GHANARRHEANS

Now that we've had a day to let the U.S. soccer debacle set in, people are starting to act like the Ghanarrheans win wasn't that big a surprise. The British ESPN analyst, Tommy Smyth, went so far as to say the States did "O.K." in the World Cup.

Let me put it simply: Ghanarrheans should not be able to do ANYTHING better than we can. That goes for everything from soccer to tiddly winks.

Here's a quick overview of the West African country:

United States GDP, $12.3 Trillion
Expected Sales of "Frat Boy Missionaries", $3 Trillion
Ghana GDP, $54 Billion

"CLICK" DROPS HOLLYWOOD TO NEW LOW

Let me start with this:

"Frat Boy Missionaries"
Coming: Summer 2012

Ok, and let me also say it's disgusting when really funny people like Adam Sandler do crap movies like this. Now onto the important stuff...

When you first heard about Sandler's new comedy "Click", how many people out there said to themselves, "Isn't this exactly like Bruce Almighty"?

It turns out they could be more similar than we even feared. Why? Because it turns out two of Bruce Almighty's writers (Steve Koren, Mark O'Keefe) are the ones responsible for this "new" script.

(By the way, these two are getting blacklisted as soon as we take over Hollywood....)

These guys are dickriding themselves! We bet Sandler and Beckinsale did the whole thing in front of a green screen and the rest was done over a computer.

I mean even these posters look the exact same! Disgusting.....

REAL WORLD DENVER UPDATE

While we gave up on this season's Real World a long time ago, we still haven't given up on the franchise altogether.

Thanks to the NY Post, we have been pointed in the direction of getrealdenver.com, a site dedicated to stalking Denver's cast.

From the looks of it, Jonathan Murray has gone back to the basics with a bunch of lushes that pillage their town.

And if daily updates aren't enough, get ahold of this: the "Real World Denver Webcam." That's right, a webcam monitoring the Real World house 24 hours a day. Completely psycho? Yes.

Sadly, this appears to be more entertaining than watching this season....


Please spare us....

LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON?

Incredibly, no one is reporting Santonio Holmes' trouble in 2003, when he was charged with disorderly conduct for an incident in which a woman claimed her jaw was broken.

So we decided to dig a little deeper into Santonio's past and see what else we could find. What we ended up with is a Sept. 18, 1990 article from the Orlando Sentinel:

Police on Saturday arrested a 34-year-old Cocoa man after the victim of an attempted sexual assault on Sept. 9 saw him at a bar and identified him as her attacker.

The 24-year-old woman told police she was walking home at 11:30 p.m. on Peachtree Street when a man grabbed her from behind, hit her head and dragged her behind a building. The victim said the suspect tried to tear off her clothes, but she escaped.

Police arrested Santonio Holmes, 327 Pineapple St., on charges of attempted sexual battery and aggravated assault. He is being held on $30,000 bail at the Brevard County jail in Sharpes.

Obviously the article IS NOT proof that this is Santonio's dad. But here are the facts:

1) Santonio's dad is Santonio Sr.
2) Santonio Jr. grew up without his dad
3) Cocoa, FL is located 2.5 hours away from Belle Glade, FL, where Santonio grew up
4) Santonio Holmes was born in 1984, which would make this man approximately 28 years old at the time of the wide receiver's birth

Is this Santonio's dad? You be the judge...

IF it is, we just find it incredible how often a kid vows not to be like his father, just to end up going down the exact same road...

SANTONIO HOLMES BEATS BITCHES UP

After getting arrested on Memorial Day weekend for disorderly conduct, Santonio Holmes stepped it up a notch yesterday - getting arrested for domestic violence. The woman accussing him of assault? The mother of his 18-week old daugther (and yes, that article says he has 3 children).

While the reason for his arrest has not been released and his lawyer is already working damage control, let's not forget an incident in 2003 that really slipped through the cracks...

Nov. 16, 2003: At 3 a.m. after a win over Purdue and six days before the Michigan game, wide receiver Santonio Holmes and quarterback Troy Smith are charged with misdemeanor disorderly conduct after a fight in a parking lot on campus. A window in a car is kicked out and one woman reported her jaw was broken. At least one other prominent Buckeye is at the scene, but is not charged. Holmes is held out of the starting lineup at Michigan but returns to play most of the game. Holmes also started in the Buckeyes' Fiesta Bowl game. He pleads innocent to the disorderly conduct after the team returns to Columbus. The disorderly conduct charge is dismissed against Holmes on March 30, 2004. Smith is found guilty of the charge.

What next? Chopping her pet's head off and shoving it through the doggy door?

MY GANGSTA STEEZ

OK, I didn't fool anyone. Yesterday I posted this video and ripped the kid in it for being a douche when, in fact, this is me C-walking in my room.

You caught me - ridin' dirty...

IAN POULTER IS FLAMING

I don't know which was harder to watch: Ian Poulter or his shank off the first tee. Tune into the U.S. Open today and keep your eye out for him. He's hard to miss: tight pink shirt, crucifix necklace and the frattiest hair you will ever see.

This guy seems like a complete ego-maniac. Just check out his website, which gives his yearly earnings on the home page.

Here is a quick photo gallery:

Party like a frat star...

Looking flaming, again...

Looking douchier....

Looking ridiculously stupid....

I hate you...

FACEBOOK PICTURE OF THE WEEK

You might recognize many of these guys, as there are multiple Michigan basketball players in this picture. And of course everyone is trying to look hard and get in the obligatory hand signals. But there is one basketball player that has absolutely no right to be mean muggin' so hard: Courtney Sims.

Dude looks like he is about to pull a Shyne in the club. Come on Courtney, wipe that silly look off your face - we can't take you seriously like that...


I'm sending this picture to Greg Oden's home...

IN JAY-Z NEWS...

The AP reports that Jay-Z is boycotting Cristal... Which, of course, means The Realests are now boycotting Cristal.

This is how the man in charge of Cristal - Frederic Rouzaud - pissed Jigga off:

In The Economist magazine, Rouzaud said the company viewed the affection for his company’s champagne from rappers and their fans with “curiosity and serenity.”

Asked by the magazine if the association between Cristal and the “bling lifestyle” could be detrimental, Rouzaud replied:

“That’s a good question, but what can we do? We can’t forbid people from buying it. I’m sure Dom Perignon or Krug would be delighted to have their business.”

Now, this isn't exactly a surprise coming from an extremely wealthy French guy. And it's up for debate whether the comment was actually racist.

Either way, we are getting bottle service tomorrow night at the 40/40 Club and will take turns pissing in leftover Cristal bottles. Pictures to come...

OFFICIAL "SNAKES ON A PLANE" PREVIEW

We've all heard so much hype about the film, but the trailer just confirmed it: Snakes on a Plane will be the greatest movie ever.

Please take a second to view this masterpiece.

We know August 18th seems like an eternity from now, but it's really not. To help remind us, there's the official "Snakes on a Plane" countdown clock.


Kick ass, SLJ


Please tell us this guy is in the movie...

POLO NIXES DUKE APPAREL DEAL

In the wake of J.J. Redick's DWI and the lacrosse team scandal, Polo has terminated its 7-year, $25 million contract with the Duke athletic department as the school's official off-the-field apparel.

A source close to the situation cited photos of Duke players Reade Seligmann and J.J. Redick sporting Polo at the time of their arrests, as well as a clause in the contract that prohibited Duke players from "defacing the horse."

Ralph Lauren declined comment, while Coach K was busy recruiting in Hell.

***For you morons out there, this is a joke****


Seligmann


Redick

"PUT GARNETT IN NET" CAMPAIGN

From everyone we've talked to about the U.S. sucking ass in the World Cup, there seems to be one thing on all our minds: we want Kevin Garnett in net.

It's very cliche to ask, "What if our best athletes played soccer?" And this isn't like the time we suggested the AND1 Mixtape team represent us at the Olympics.

This could seriously work.

Doesn't looking at Kasey Keller just make you sick? "Old Man River" is like watching your dad play. With all the lineup changes going on right now, Garnett should immediately board a plane to Germany and get a crash course in goaltending. At least give it a chance, Bruce...

Just look at the comparison:

KASEY KELLER

Age: 36
Height: 6-2
Wingspan: Less than Garnett's
Telling Sign: Balding
Pre-Cup Quote: "We've come a long way in 15 years but we have a long way to go."

VS.

KEVIN GARNETT

Age: 30
Height: 6-11
Wingspan: 7 feet
Telling Sign: Blocked almost 1,500 shots in his NBA career
Pre-Cup Quote: "This is it. It's for all the marbles. I'm sitting in the house loading up the pump, I'm loading up the Uzis, I've got a couple of M-16s, couple of nines, couple of joints with some silencers on them, couple of grenades, got a missile launcher."

The quote would go over especially well with foreign countries right now...

COREY & HUNTER, EPISODE 2: "STUNT 101"

This week's installment is "Stunt 101": Corey falls asleep early at a party and pays for it the next day.

Quick announcement: we have just signed a deal with HBO to simulcast "Corey & Hunter" after Entourage. See you all here next week.

If you are having trouble seeing the reflection in the mirror, check out the Spoiler Alert below.



***** SPOILER ALERT *****

THERE'S CUM ON HIS FACE.

FACEBOOK PICTURE OF THE WEEK

Snapping pictures of athletes with a camera phone and putting them on the Internet is completely out of control. While we enjoyed gaining insight into the personal lives of Kyle Orton and Matt Leinart, people have reached a new level of evil with the creation of drunkathlete.com.

That being said, if an athlete decides to post photos of themselves online, we can mock you as much as we want. Therefore, we introduce you to our first Facebook Picture of the Week featuring 'M' athletes.

This week: men's basketball player Lester Abram.


"Hey Lester... haven't you been smoking paoti for six straight days and - couldn't some of this be in your mind???"

REALEST OF THE WEEK

We've already established the greatest name in women's college basketball history: Charlotte's Ivana Mandic. Well, it appears there is a front-runner for greatest name in college football: North Carolina's Richie Rich.

We only hope he drives a Bentley around campus, but realize this is North Carolina football we are talking about...

Clearly, he can put himself over the top by replacing the "c"s with a couple "¢"s and collaborating with Ma$e on a new album called: "Dollaz and Centz".

NORTHWESTERN KNOCK-OFFS?

There's nothing worse than a cheap immitation.

First, the Duke women's lacrosse team decided to back their school's controversial sports program. Now in the wake of Northwestern women's soccer scandal, this picture surfaces from their softball team...

GUNSTON: GEORGE MASON'S BASTARD CHILD

Of everyone we have put on blast, George Mason's mascot Gunston probably got it the worst.

We questioned his manhood, his ability to get fans pumped, and the entire concept behind him. At the end, we asked him to turn in his head on our desk.

Little did we know, he would actually do it. Sometimes our far-reaching impact even amazes ourselves. Of course, now that he is gone, we are going to demand his re-instatement.

According to the Washington Post, George Mason has fired Gunston just weeks after its magical run to the Final Four. And, as you can see, Associate Athletic Director Andy Ruge had some harsh words for Gunston on the way out the door:

"We need to develop a mascot with a strong image, more of an immediate connection with George Mason, something our community would be proud to have," Ruge said.

Ouch. And there's more...

"It would be nice if a freshman could see him and go, 'Hey, that's our mascot' instead of going 'What's that?' "

I wish I overheard a student asking that about the G-man, just so I could go: "It's Gunston, MOTHERFUCKER!"

Notice how Ruge was put on damage control by saying Gunston won't be "offed" and will still work with kids.

Well, at least we know Gunston won't be shot and thrown into a trunk...


Let's hope Moondog reaches out to Gunston in this time of need...

NBA FINALS PREVIEW

When it comes down to it, there are only two things that make this NBA Finals interesting.

First, it's a second chance to catch Cybertoine's Shimmy. Like Detroit, we gave up on Game 6 of the Heat-Pistons series in the middle of the 4th quarter. So we didn't get a chance to see this live (below). We won't make that mistake again...



And of course the other reason we care is the Shaq-Dampier beef, which the media is trying its hardest to reignite. Shaq isn't biting, so we will instead have to settle for enjoying past Dampierisms. Let's start with the original:

"Damp is soft. Quote it, write it, tape it and send it to him. I tell you, there's nothing there."

Exhibit A:


Exhibit B:


Exhibit C:
Getting bent over by Amare Stoudemire...


Even Shaq can't bear to watch...

WAVERLY DINER HITS THE SILVER SCREEN

One of the few things we hold close to our hearts is Waverly Diner at the corner of 6th Ave. and Waverly Place. Ever since we arrived in NYC, Kumar has treated us like brothers.

The funny thing is, when you first find the place, you think it's your little spot in NYC. Then you stop by for breakfast on a Saturday morning and realize half of New York is in line.

Well our little diner's all growns up, and it's all growns up!

In an HBO Documentary named "Dope Sick Love", Waverly diner makes a special guest appearance. OK, it's not exactly what you'd call an advertisement: it's a hang out for a couple of junkies between fixes.

But please congratulate Kumar the next time you stop by.

Also, if you would like to see the documentary, Tivo HBO2 at 2:45 AM on June 24th.


Waverly's hit the big time... and the crack pipe....

Entourage: One Week Away

Our second favorite show, Entourage, is now just one week away from its 3rd season. With only 14 episodes last season, it's been a long, long wait.

Did anyone notice how the show is advertising on ESPN now? Needless to say, this show is becoming one of the biggest players on TV. With all the failed sitcoms on network television, this season could end up being a monumental moment in comedy TV.

If you are like us and can't wait for the season premiere, pick up the most recent issue of GQ with Christina Aguilera on the front. There is a great article detailing Jeremy Piven's move up to the A-list.

The article also mentions the topic of Piven's hair, which we had never even noticed before. But now looking back, it does look suspicious that Piven actually had a lower hairline 12 years ago in PCU:

"PCU Piven"


"Ari Gold"


There is an even worse picture of him appearing on Seinfeld, but we will refrain from showing it. Although normally we would make fun of this somehow, as a couple of 20-something dudes (one of which is going gray rapidly), this actually struck a soft spot with us....

.... that is until we realized Piven is probably hooking up with a model half his age right now. You go, JP.

Did Jack Nicklaus Piss Off Leatherlips?

As the Memorial Tournament goes through ANOTHER rain delay, it's time to talk conspiracy.

Check out this website:

"Dublin - Muirfield Village Golf Club - 1976 - Was the start of the Memorial Tournament Jack Nicklaus - built the golf course on an Indian burial or sacred grounds. The legend has it - Chief Leatherlips makes it rain every year on Tournament. In 24 years it has been affected by rain 14 times. Twice it has been shortened to 54 holes. One year they move the tournament a week a head. It still rained."

We obviously laugh at coincidence and believe this conspiracy 100%.


Leatherlips

Realests' Take on Theisman's Take on Ricky

Take Joe Theisman calling Ricky Williams a "disgrace" to football as an example.

We are amazed that while stories like this continue to get beaten over our head, people still don't notice the obvious. In this case, Theisman's hypocrisy.

We'd say it's pretty disgraceful to change the pronunciation of your name in a failed attempt to win the Heisman Trophy.

Ricky 1
Theisman 0



VS.

"Teflon Sean" Beats Charges

It's been a very emotional day for all Redskins fans, as Sean "The Don" Taylor accepted a plea deal which will keep him out of prison. There's only one person that can relate to my jubilation right now after seeing justice prevail - the crazy lady from the Michael Jackson case: