3.27.2006

What's Beef?: Moondog vs. Gunston

It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and we've decided there isn't enough room in sports for both of these two dog mascots: Cleveland's Moondog and George Mason's Gunston. To the comparison chart:

SHTICK:

Moondog: A dog..... from the Moon.....


Gunston: A fat-ass green dog that happens to love patriotism and college hoops


Analysis: Both are equally absurd, but we want a mascot that can ball....

Winner: Moondog

IN ACTION

Moondog: Hypes it with the King


Gunston: Regularly fails to get fans on their feet


Analysis: If a picture is worth a thousand words and there are two pictures here, nothing needs to be written.

Edge: Moondog

POPULARITY WITH THE LADIES

Moondog: Like R. Kelly, always finds the teenagers in the crowd


Gunston: Sticks to his GMU girls


Analysis: How old are those girls, Moondog?! Well, we have to admit they are hotter than Gunston's girls. Don't worry Moondog, we are already figuring out how to get you tried in actual years in there's a lawsuit.

Edge: Moondog

HOBBY

Moondog: Figuring out how a typewriter works


Gunston: Real estate mogul


Analysis: Look at those pieces of Moondog's paper on the desk. Man, it must be really hard to do with paws and no opposable thumbs. As for Gunston, we hate when people schmooze with old, powerful, white guys.

Edge: Moondog

PROUDEST MOMENT

Moondog: Beating Paul Pierce after challenging him to backward half-court shots


Gunston: Reaching the Final Four


Analysis: We were at the game when Moondog put Paul Pierce on blast - we are still in shock. As for Gunston, we love the Patriots, but he can't really call the accomplishment "his". Look, he's not even in the celebration photos with scrubs in the background.

Edge: Moondog

SKELETON IN THE CLOSET

Moondog: Forced to testify before Congress on steroids


Gunston: Has an unhealthy obsession with Elvis


Analysis: Gunston is just creeping us out now. In Moondog's case, almost everyone interviewed was assumed to be guilty, but how can one defend themself when they can't speak?! Sammy Sosa definitely jacked this idea off Moondog...

Edge: Moondog


FINAL RESULT:

MOONDOG WINS UNANIMOUSLY


Gunston: we expect your head on our desk first thing tomorrow morning....

2 comments:

Ken said...

This is by far your best post.

Moondog said...

I can not be more proud. I am sending this link to my parents immediately.

--dog