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Top 5: Athletes to Ass Clowns

This whole Isiah Thomas lawsuit got us thinking: who are the best athletes to turn into punch lines? The amount of respect we give athletes is mind-blogging. Half of Congress is former athletes (Tom Osborne, Steve Largent, etc., etc.) and people are already talking about Tom Brady running for PRESIDENT.

So you really have to go out of your way to lose all of the respect you've gained, and just piss it into the wind. Note: this list does not include those who:

* Stayed true to themselves, i.e. Lawrence Phillips (most recently, tried to run over teenagers after a pickup game in Los Angeles)
* Went out on their own terms, i.e. Ryan Leaf)
* Cokeheads, i.e. Daryl Strawberry (otherwise this list would never end!)
* Really, really depressing stories, i.e. Todd Maranovich, Dimitrius Underwood
* Guys that were ALREADY jokes while playing, i.e. Charles Barkley, Brian Bosworth
* Might be clowns, but still getting the last laugh, i.e. George Foreman

5. Jerry Rice

High Point: Setting NFL record for receiving touchdowns
Turning Point: Getting traded to the Seattle Seahawks
Rock Bottom: Saying in a "Dancing with the Stars" promo that he was more nervous for this competition than the Super Bowl (personal note: we really like Jerry, which is probably the only reason he isn't higher on this list)

4. Jose Canseco

High Point: Winning 1989 World Series
Turning Point: Ball bouncing off his head for a HR
Rock Bottom: Not necessarily the book, but the way he spun it like he was like Deep Throat

3. Isiah Thomas

High Point: 1990 NBA Finals MVP
Turning Point: Trading for Stephon Marbury
Rock Bottom: Right now, as a matter of fact

2. John Rocker

High Point: 1999 season: 38 saves, 2.49 ERA
Turning Point: Appearing as a murderous golf-club groundskeeper in 2002 movie The Greenskeeper (personal note: we guarantee our movie is much funnier than this one)
Rock Bottom: Jay Crawford ripping him a new asshole on national TV (granted, no one actually saw it happen, bringing up the "if a tree falls in the woods..." argument)

1. Mike Tyson (who else?)

High Point: Beating the shit out of Michael Spinks in 1988 (TKO 92 seconds into the fight)
Turning Point: Flashing his handcuffs to a TV camera while heading to jail
Rock Bottom: Doing the "Monster Mash" on Jimmy Kimmel (don't get it twisted, we thought it was extremely funny - but it's like the scene in Zoolander where Derek is dressed up as a chimp and the director screams "You're a monkey, Derek! Dance!")


Honorable mention: Barry Sanders, Tommy Lasorda, Rafael Palmeiro

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