NCAA Realests Tournament

Note: Please read below for newer posts.......

The following is the NCAA Realests Tournament formed to decide The Releast(s) of NCAA Tournament history.

Your votes will determine the winner of the tournament - so enjoy reading this post and remember to vote!

We won't be blogging much in the next couple days because we are on a full-on campaign for this post. If we have a new post, scroll down the page as this remains at the top.

Please pass this on to anyone you know...........

FYI: Georgetown's Fred Brown and Kentucky's Patrick Sparks were the last two left out.

Note: the bracket was condensed to fit this blog - please click on the image for an expanded view.

First Round Matchups

(1) Darvin Ham (Texas Tech, 1996)

Recap: In the first half of a second-round game, Texas Tech's Darvin Ham shattered the backboard on a slam dunk putback. The game was delayed for 30 minutes, and then the Red Raiders continued throttiling the Heels - TT won by a final of 92-73.

Ham's postgame quote: "Everybody was giving me chest bumps and I just wanted to flex."

Real Reason: He is the ultimate "one-hit wonder" of basketball and will always be remembered just for that play.

Don't fake the funk on the nasty dunk...


(8) Coach Roy Williams (Kansas, 2003)

Recap: After Kansas lost in the 2003 national championship, CBS Reporter Bonnie Bernstein caught up with Roy outside the KU lockerroom. After a couple questions, she asked Roy about his level of interest in the North Carolina job because Matt Dougherty had just been fired. Roy's respone: "I could give a shit about North Carolina right now."

Real Reason: Our motto has always been "Squeeze first, ask questions last". Well, not only did Roy squeeze first, he didn't even ask questions. Also real for then taking the job and screwing Kansas in the process.

4) 1999 UConn team

Recap: We love when schools adopt team anthems (i.e. Memphis & "Whoop That Trick"). That's exactly what UConn did in 1999, busting out a rendition of DMX's "Ruff Ryders' Anthem" after winning the West Region.

After UConn miraculously beat Duke in the national championship, they immediately did it again as everyone watched and heard them on CBS. As if that wasn't enough, the players crowded around the microphone at the victory celebration for one more rendition.

Real Reason: We always love it when we picture producers screaming, "We can't air this shit!" And lastly, we just miss X. Here's a reminder of just how grimey he was:


5) Chris Webber (Michigan, 1992)

Recap: We all remember this one: Trailing to North Carolina, 73-71, in the national championship game, Webber called a timeout the Wolverines didn't have with 11 seconds remaining (let's not forget his blatant travel coming down the court, either). He received a technical, and the Tar Heels won the national title.

Webber was scarred forever, always shying away from the game's biggest moment in the NBA. I wonder: was this the worst moment of his life, or hearing that he was being tried for perjury? I'd go with this.

Real Reason: Like Al Skinner, another example of how stupidity can be brilliance.

Good thing this never really happened...

2) 1990 UNLV team

Recap: A lot of people credit the Fab Five with thugging-out basketball, but the UNLV Rebels were definitely the originators. With a bunch of future NBA Players (Larry Johnson, Greg Anthony, Stacey Augmom), the Rebels pounded Duke, 103-73, in the most-lopsided championship game ever.

And they talked a whole lot of shit too.

LJ's pre-game quote: "If we win, I think Coach ought to take the trophy and put it right in the middle of his desk. Then, if the NCAA guys come after him like everybody says, they'll have to look right at it."

LJ's postgame quote: "You can call us bad guys if you want to. And you can call us thugs. But at the end of it all, you can call us, 'national champions.' We'd appreciate that."

Real Reason: This photo says it all: three teammates in a hot tub, sharing beers with a known sports fixer. On a side note, too bad this picture cost "Tark the Shark" his job...

We'll let you guys figure out which one wasn't a Runnin' Rebel....


(7) Al Skinner (Boston College, 2001)

Recap: Trailing USC, 74-71, with 7.5 seconds to play in a second round game, Boston College's Kenny Harley drives to the rack and misses. Game over.

No one could figure out why the Eagles tried for 2 points when there was only time for a 3. Skinner's answer: ""Our philosophy is if there is time on the clock, get a good shot." As opposed to looking for a good shot when there is no time left on the clock?

Granted, he could have just been protecting his player. But that looks unlikely after "the philosophy" was used this past season in a home game against Duke (BC lost... again)

Real Reason: Doing something incredibly stupid and then saying you are sticking to your guns. Very George Bush-like.

3) Coach Steve Merfeld (Hampton, 2001)

Recap: A No. 15 seed looking to knock off a No. 2 for the fourth time ever, Hampton led Iowa State by one with 6.9 seconds left (haha, 6.9...). After cruising into the lane, ISU's Jamaal Tinsley missed a game-winning layup: Hampton won 58-57.

This set off the wildest coach celebration in history. Merfeld skipped around the coach and, after being picked up by a player, kicked his arms and legs like a third-grade queer.

Real Reason: Even we have never lost our minds like this.

Preparing for takeoff....


(6) Glen Davis (LSU, 2006)

Recap: Just last week No. 4 seed LSU defeated No.1 seed Duke, 70-60, after completely shutting down J.J. Redick and the Blue Devils' offense. Then, Big Baby said on national TV and said the team was still hungry because they had tapeworms in their belly.

But what he did after really set himself apart from the competition: he put a feather boa around his neck and started posing like a limp-wristed gay model.

Real Reason: Like Magnum, this look must have taken forever to perfect. The result: the essence of beauty.


M Is For Mediocre

In the battle of recent NIT champions, Michigan got served up by South Carolina. We have nothing positive to say about the game. We also would have had nothing positive to say even if Big Blue had pulled out the win.

We did feel bad for Daniel Horton as he walked off the court - then we remembered that he choked his girlfriend. We don't feel bad anymore.

Oh yeah, Brent Petway is an idiot for airballing an alley-oop.

I'm BIG Dangerous You're Just A Little Vicious

The Big Ten must be pretty steamed about their performance in the NCAA tournament. After having all their teams bounced out of the tournament relatively early, the Big Ten Conference has decided to take on a remarkably easier foe: Big Ten Burrito.

Our loyal Ann Arbor readers definitely know about Big Ten Burrito, but for the rest of you, just know that Big Ten is your average burrito place (think: Chipotle or Qdoba). Now, Jim and I have an undying allegiance to Panchero's so we're very happy to see this happen. We had hatched various plans to take down Big Ten when we were seniors in Ann Arbor, but we held back because we had faith that the quality of Panchero's would quickly squash the competition.

Well, maybe Panchero's was having a tougher time than we thought. There's plenty of conspiracies flying around but we believe that Panchero's might have made a call to someone on the Big Ten Management Committee asking them to step in as an enforcer. Regardless, karma is a bitch - and Big Ten Burrito will soon rue the day that it stepped in and tried to drive Panchero's out of business.

If we were back in Ann Arbor, I might be tempted to run into Panchero's during peak rush hours and scream out "Cinco De Mayo!! Burritos para todos!!" Ah, college....

Apparently the Big Ten Commissioner hates Mexican food

P.S. If you either A) send us a picture of you in front of Panchero's or B) send us a burrito from Panchero's - we'll let you write a restaurant review of the place for us.

Update on Realest Tournament

We are still working very hard on the final bracket. We have now been in our apartment for 36 hours, only stopping for Retro Turkey Sandwiches from Comfort Diner. Woodley has gotten bored smearing his shit in the wood floor, and is now attempting to urinate on all electronic equipment downstairs.

We only ask for your patience.....

Finally: Pics of Us At MSG

The much anticipated photos of us at MSG during the NIT Semifinals have finally arrived. The pictures are of us at the pre-party, displaying the "Good Job Tommy" sign, and me running a victory lap with the "M.I.T" sign that has a block M. Enjoy...

The Realests at the pre-game party enjoying "NFL Blitz" and our free mootows (a.k.a. beers).

Notice my facial expression that is from the "double-cross bozack" move we have almost perfected. There will soon be an entire post detailing instructions on our newest creation. The only thing I can compare this move to is Magnum - I shouldn't even be talking about it.

Doing a victory lap with the "M.I.T" sign. Sorry it turned about blurry, I forgot to tell you I run a 4.19 40.


The NIT Night Recap

I know I've been very irresponsible with this post. But the Michigan semifinal NIT is the least enjoyable sporting experience I've ever had. And that includes every game of the 2002 Michigan women's basketball team.

I'm going to say this right away: I refuse to blog about the game or team. Instead, this time will spent as usual: shameless self-promotion.

The pre-game party was unbelievable. The fight song was playing, the cheerleaders were there, old alumni were wearing Michigan sweatshirts and everyone pounded beers as quick as they could while the bar was still open. It felt like Pasadena... except, not.

We had a couple gems, but overall we weren't real big jackasses. We never saw Bill Martin or Rudy T. (I'll have to live with that failure for the rest of my life...). The signs were: "Good Job Tommy" (which was shown throughout the game), a joke about Amaker's 5 Virtues, and one that said M.I.T. with a block M. There are actually photos of me running a victory lap in the lower bowl with the sign.

The post-game was special: the birthday of a former sports editor , as well as the Daily's basketball beat. The guys were all incredibly nice and fun to hang out with. There would be nothing worse than finding out Daily sports is full of frat-dicks.

Here are some of the best moments of the night.

We have officially reached "road dog" status

This Russian model (right) was being eyed all-night by our friend Ken Wall. He does nothing to initiate a conversation. Next thing you know, Jack is on the couch with her kickin' it. This could turn out to be a big night for Jack, the first step in moving beyond Ali Go..........

If I was a crappy columnist that found this picture, my lead would be this: "These kids are urinating on old telephone booths while talking on their cell phones. How symbolic..." And then I would punch myself in the face.

Coming Soon: NCAA Tournament's Realest Ever

As everyone knows, it's really hard being on an NCAA Tournament committee. We have locked ourselves in the apartment for the last 12 hours trying to come up with a list of who is The Realest in NCAA Tournament history.

The decision will be based on your votes, so please stay tuned....

Unlike the other committee, we don't give a shit if information is leaked - Here's a hint: this guy will definitely be on the list

Heads Up Duke Athletic Department

Very heads up move by the Duke Athletic Department. They took down the team's roster which, at first, I found just obnoxious, seeing as how I needed it today. But then I saw the police report (which is very disturbing, as you would expect).

They knew the police report was getting out on the Internet and when people saw the names Adam, Bret and Matt, they would just go to Duke's website and cross-reference to figure out which players it could be. We have a media guide, so the breakdown goes like this:

1 player named Bret
1 player named Adam
3 players named Matt

I stopped myself from listing the names because random speculation is unfair to everyone involved at this point. This whole situation is just awful.

You're Friared!

Welcome to the Final Four pre-game story that ESPN is about to beat to death....

NIT Night

As they say in Entourage:

"Great night...."
"Great fucking night...."


Coming Soon: NIT Photos & Analysis

I just wanted to tell our readers that we are now leaving for the OFFICIAL pre-game party. There will be plenty of drinking and us making asses of ourselves. My goal: Find Rudy T. Keep posted after the game for more (although we are going out with the Daily guys, so not right after the game).

Time for chaos.....


We've been waiting for this day for a long, long time. Michigan basketball returns to the Garden tonight, and we will be there in full force, starting with the OFFICIAL pre-game Party at MSG. Take a look at this e-mail:

Official U-M NIT Pregame Party

Tuesday, March 28, 5:45-6:45 p.m.

Play By Play Sports Bar and Restaurant(inside Madison
Square Garden, entrance at 7th Avenue)Free to all U-M alumni and friends!

Our pregame party is the official U-M NIT event, so
bring all your friends and family. We'll have free beer, wine, soft drinks and appetizers, a special appearance by U-M Athletic Director Bill Martin and lots of Michigan spirit provided by the U-M cheerleaders. And, you can win prizes, including a Tommy Amaker-autographed basketball.

Two thoughts:
1) Bill, you can't buy us off! I don't care how much beer I get or how wasted I get, it will only make me more belligerent and likely to heckle our team.
2) "A special appearance by Bill Martin"??? Who does this guy think he is, an A-list celebrity? You're a real-estate mogul and a shitty AD, no one cares for you to show up, big guy.

And one more thing: I will find Rudy T. tonight. And that's a guarantee....

Oh Bill, thank you so much for gracing us with your presence today!!!

Orr vs. Amaker

We apologize for the re-post. We have a policy of not repackaging old stuff, but we are breaking the rule tonight because we are going all out with Michigan's presence in NYC....

As most of you know by now, Seton Hall has fired Amaker's replacement, Louis Orr. Take a look at the numbers and please explain how Orr just got fired while Amaker received a vote of confidence from AD Bill Martin .....


2006: 18-12 (NCAA)
2005: 12-16
2004: 21-10 (NCAA & Big East Coach of the Year)
2003: 17-13 (NIT)
2002: 12-18

Total: 80-69 (.537)


2006: 21-10 (NIT)
2005: 13-18
2004: 23-11 (NIT Title)
2003: 17-13 (Self-imposed postseason ban)
2002: 11-18

Total: 85-70 (.548)

Zubino on 24

I Will Eat Your Face

The Great Zubino
Realests Correspondent

First off, I’ve heard rumors circulating around the ‘net that my blog skills are slipping. Well if you don’t like it, don’t read it - Haters no like.

Let’s get into the basics:

I have to say that Bauer looks really rugged now, like it actually looks as if he’s getting tired and losing steam. That’s a good sign because the more tired he looks, the more bezerk he is going to go on fools.

I have to say that Audrey has lost some fan support over the past 2 seasons. I mean she was a fan favorite at the beginning when she was her and Jack were down, but after putting Jack through the whole “You killed Paul! You bastard!” phase, her popularity dropped. I would have loved to see Jack rip her to shreds in this episode - It would have been amazing. But it looks like he’s lost a step…maybe Kim’s little speech last episode affected him.

Here’s a play by play of the interrogation:

Round 1 - Jack wins because he destroys Audrey with the threat of bringing Burke into the situation.

Women: My Only Weakness

Round 2 - Audrey wins because she says she is an easy target due to her relationship with her father.

The 24 Writers HATE Women...

Round 3 - Jack proves Audrey's innocence (maybe) and gets to make out with her.

Please Don't Be Like Nina Meyers

Jack being taken out by Burke was actually cool. Showed the Bauer isn't omnipotent at CTU.

The new leader of CTU, the Homeland Security woman, is driving everyone crazy and you’ll see later on how I think the writers will deal with this.

Aaron Pierce, even though I have said that he should have been merked in the attack on the Russian president, is starting to become an American Hero.

It was finally impressive to finally see Chloe take a stand for something she believes in, and not be pushed around like the character we’ve seen from Season 3. She definitely should have started doing the “whoop dat trick” dance on him when he walked away.

I love the variations on Jack’s lines. The writer’s are getting pretty lazy. “TELL ME WHERE THE BOMB IS!”, “WHAT IS THE PRIMARY OBJECTIVE?”, and the new one… “WHAT IS THE TARGET?”

I’m not a big fan of the new girl, Sarah, accusing Buchanan of sexual harassment. She needs to check herself and know the facts first.

Don’t you guys just love how Wayne and Aaron got their hands on the guns from the movie Eraser?

Jack Bauer can’t die, at least not in this type of situation. First off, when he pulled the terrorist into the car at the end of the episode, he pulled him backwards, meaning the terrorist was on top of him. So, all that debris that crashed through the windshield might have killed Bierko and Jack may have just passed out from the heat or had minor burns.

Preview of next week’s show:

My thoughts on Jack are right above, so check those out. When I saw Wayne questioning the Asian girl, I thought to myself, “Could the Chinese try and get revenge on Jack Bauer?” but that’s highly unlikely. Another thing I was pondering - could Mike Novick be working with the terrorists? It’s highly unlikely, but it’s a possibility. Also, since we are about 15-16 episodes into the season, and the nerve gas is out of the way, I assume that whatever information Henderson didn’t tell Jack in the earlier episodes is about to take center stage.

That’s all for now. I’ve given you my two cents. Now give me yours. Leave a comment for the Great Zubino – holla atcha boy.

Get Tough

You all know that we are ardent Pistons fans. As a result, we have an almost irrational hatred towards anything standing in their way. The usual culprits on that list include the Nets, Heat, and Pacers. Now, it would take a miracle for us to ever compliment the Nets for doing anything (we aren't convinced that they beat the Suns by 38 last night...it didn't happen). But the Heat and Pacers played last night and Jermaine O'Neal dropped the double-cross bozack. We love when two of our main competitors have to beat each other up and we love it even more when there's real bad blood between them. Well, last night didn't disappoint. After getting Udonis Haslem kicked out of the game, Jermaine O'Neal dropped this gem on us:

"I don't know when he became tough, but all of a sudden, he became tough. It's in his best interest to concentrate on getting a rebound and be quiet."
If you couple this quote with his immortal slide punch during the Palace Brawl, Jermaine O'Neal is flying up the ranks of Real basketball players. But it's no big surprise because, after all, he did learn from the best for a few years in Portland.

That's Right Udonis -- Face Down, Ass Up...

Should Have Gotten a Weiner Dog.....

Picking a dog is a real crap shoot. We pleaded with Gennaro forever to get a weiner dog (or get many to form an army of weiner dogs). He defied us by going with a puggle, "the hottest pet in New York City".

We come home to a destroyed apartment with shit on the floor, every day. With a weiner dog, we could have walked in the door while the dog did this running towards us....


Woodley: Wipe that smirk off your face...

Weiner Dog

Wait Rusty, I need to put on your doggy dome!


What If: Toothpaste in a Liquid Soap Bottle...

This could be a reocurring post on this blog because of brilliant ideas we churn out.

Our first one: why doesn't toothpaste come in a liquid soap dispenser?

It's a little thicker, but its hard to believe an engineer couldn't figure out how to make this work. And maybe there is something we aren't thinking about, but wouldn't this be the final solution to something people have tried to fix forever?

The essence of beauty...

What's Beef?: Moondog vs. Gunston

It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and we've decided there isn't enough room in sports for both of these two dog mascots: Cleveland's Moondog and George Mason's Gunston. To the comparison chart:


Moondog: A dog..... from the Moon.....

Gunston: A fat-ass green dog that happens to love patriotism and college hoops

Analysis: Both are equally absurd, but we want a mascot that can ball....

Winner: Moondog


Moondog: Hypes it with the King

Gunston: Regularly fails to get fans on their feet

Analysis: If a picture is worth a thousand words and there are two pictures here, nothing needs to be written.

Edge: Moondog


Moondog: Like R. Kelly, always finds the teenagers in the crowd

Gunston: Sticks to his GMU girls

Analysis: How old are those girls, Moondog?! Well, we have to admit they are hotter than Gunston's girls. Don't worry Moondog, we are already figuring out how to get you tried in actual years in there's a lawsuit.

Edge: Moondog


Moondog: Figuring out how a typewriter works

Gunston: Real estate mogul

Analysis: Look at those pieces of Moondog's paper on the desk. Man, it must be really hard to do with paws and no opposable thumbs. As for Gunston, we hate when people schmooze with old, powerful, white guys.

Edge: Moondog


Moondog: Beating Paul Pierce after challenging him to backward half-court shots

Gunston: Reaching the Final Four

Analysis: We were at the game when Moondog put Paul Pierce on blast - we are still in shock. As for Gunston, we love the Patriots, but he can't really call the accomplishment "his". Look, he's not even in the celebration photos with scrubs in the background.

Edge: Moondog


Moondog: Forced to testify before Congress on steroids

Gunston: Has an unhealthy obsession with Elvis

Analysis: Gunston is just creeping us out now. In Moondog's case, almost everyone interviewed was assumed to be guilty, but how can one defend themself when they can't speak?! Sammy Sosa definitely jacked this idea off Moondog...

Edge: Moondog



Gunston: we expect your head on our desk first thing tomorrow morning....

And The Winner Is...

"Blog Don't Lie." After pounding fools in a week of voting, "Blog Don't Lie" will replace "We've Lost Our Minds" and The Realests' new slogan. Thanks to everyone who voted and thanks to 'Sheed for dropping knowledge.

The Realests' Newest Spokesman

What's Beef?: Mason vs. Washington

Little-know fact: George Mason and George Washington were once friends (check out this old letter from GW to GM). But after Mason refused to sign the Constitution because there was no Bill of Rights included, a beef ensued. Fortunately, the Constitution was ratified for the Bill of Rights just four years later.

Meanwhile, the beef never ended. With both guys dead for over 200 years, I think Mason just got the last laugh. That is, unless the two schools play in the national champion game sometime, at which point our heads would explode.........


"Hey Washington, this pop's for you...."


Back From The Dead

Well, as usual we are the only ones that see the hidden threads that connect everything together in this crazy world. Is it in any coincidence that the newest sweetheart in American sports, George Mason, also risked their/his life to save the world in the second season of 24?? That's right folks - that's just one more reason to root for George Mason. What a guy/group of guys...

There's no such thing as coincidences...just illusions of coincidences

Another Tribute to George Mason

We love underdogs and realized that one tribute was not nearly enough for the GMU Patriots.

And what better way to do that than honoring the man himself. It's time for a history lesson:

Born: December 11th, 1725
Died: October 7th, 1792
Home: Fairfax, Virginia
Celebrity Beef: George Washington
Known As: “The Father of the Bill of Rights”
Children: 12
Grandchildren: 56

The Originator

LSU's John Brady

A question that LSU coach John Brady needs to be asked at the Final Four: "Have you been forced to miss any of your AA meetings because of the tournament?"

Pic 1
Pic 2
Pic 3
Pic 4 (our personal favorite)

A Tribute to George Ma$on

First of all, the $ sign needs to replace the S if anyone is going to take this team seriously. In honor of their win, we dug up the other top Elite 8 upsets of all time, with notes on each game.

#1: (11) LSU def. (1) Kentucky, 59-57 (1986)
• LSU had already lost to Kentucky 3 times that season
• UK’s James Blackmon missed a half-court 3-pointer at the buzzer
• LSU’s Ricky Blanton: 12 PTS, 8 rebounds, lay-up to put Tigers up 4 with 15 seconds left

#2: (6) N.C. State def. (1) Virginia, 63-62 (1983)
• N.C. State trailed by 7 points with 7:30 left
• N.C. State’s Lorenzo Charles hit two foul shots with 23 seconds left
• Ended Ralph Sampson’s college career
• N.C. State went on to win national championship over Houston, 54-52, after Lorenzo Charles dunked the ball with 1 second remaining

#3: (8) Villanova def. (2) North Carolina, 56-44 (1985)
• Villanova trailed 22-17 at the half
• UNC players included Kenny Smith and Brad Daugherty
• Harold Pressley (VU): 15 points
• Villanova went on to defeat Georgetown in championship, 66-64, in one of the biggest upsets in college basketball history

#4: (6) Providence def. (1) Georgetown, 88-73 (1987)
• Coached by Rick Pitino, who was in his second year
• Billy Donovan: made 16 of 18 FT, finished with 20 points
• GU’s Reggie Williams scored a game-high 25 points in final game

#5: (3) Marquette def. (1) Kentucky, 83-69 (2003)
• Kentucky entered game with 26-game winning streak
• Marquette led by 19 at the half
• Dwyane Wade: 29 PTS, 11 REB, 11 AST, 4 BLK



You heard Tyrus Thomas after the Sweet 16 win screaming, "This how we 'gon eat!"

And you heard Big Baby after today's game talking about how they are still hungry because of tapeworms.

Our question: how much time do we have before a jerk-off talking head says: "How fitting - all this team from Louisiana can think about after games is food. Ahhhhhhhhh......"

Please spare us.

Shocker Shining Moment?

Please tell me this Wichita St. cheerleader makes it into the "One Shining Moment" montage....

Realests-Miz Tag-team???

One of our on-air guys is a wrestler for the WWE - Jon Coachman. With The Miz now in the league, we started reminiscing about our favorite Miz stories. Coachman said the two are boys and that the next time The Miz is in New York, we are going to hang out.

Needless to say, we have already cleared the memories on our digital cameras....

A Double Epiphany

I have never been so uninspired watching college sports in my life. First, I witnessed the Michigan hockey team get smoked by North Dakota, 5-1. For those that didn't witness it, the slap dicks fell behind in the first five minutes, 1-0, and never challenged. Red summed it all up in the postgame quotes on MGoBlue: "the puck just wasn't going in."

If J. Brady were blogging right now, his head would explode.

Then I flip over to watch Connecticut pull their L.A. Lakers-routine. After falling behind, UConn hits a miracle 3-pointer and Marcus Williams steals the ball in OT like it was a laptop. The NCAA should be embarassed if UConn wins the title. It will be the second consecutive year a team wins the national title that plays 20 minutes of basketball.

Epiphany #1: If you recall, the 1985 Georgetown-Villanova title game was the last one without a shot clock. The NCAA realized if other teams repeated Villanova's performance, the game would be destroyed.

The same can be said about this year's UConn team. Therefore I propose another drastic measure in the form of some major rule changes. First, if you trail in the second half to the No. 16, you automatically lose. Also, no No. 1 seed is allowed more than two 2nd-half double-digit comebacks.

Tell me that isn't fair.

Myles, we can't take you seriously when you play dress-up.....

Epiphany #2: This seems to be what college sports has become: don't work harder, just find more talented players. Michigan tries less than anyone, and can therefore no longer be satisfied with top-notch recruiting classes.

We must go to a new extreme: Ban white players from our teams. And yes, that includes hockey. Obviously, basketball would not improve next year. But, after we won national titles in every other sport, Amaker would finally be fully exposed as a fraud.

I hope to see that press release on MGoBlue.com before the school year ends....

It's 2006 people - time to let minorities in Yost....


False Advertising!

This commercial for Doggy Steps drives me crazy. Where are the shit stains and hair that cover our futon right now?!

Memphis Can't Stop Whooping That Trick

First we see the Memphis dance team doing the "Whoop that Trick" dance during the tourney's 2nd Round.

Now we find this: Memphis students taunting UAB fans in their cars by whipping out "Whoop That Trick" on the street.

Could the team bust this out on the court after a big win (like UConn did with "Ruff Ryders' Anthem" after the '99 title) and horrify old white people everywhere?

We can only hope.

UW-UCONN: Remember Rip

I'm sure this will be mentioned a million times during the game but as a blog partially dedicated to the Pistons, we must take a moment to remember Rip Hamilton's buzzer-beater in the 1998 Tournament. This also reminds us that Rip looked like a rat during his college years...

Realest of the Week

Tank Carter, brother of Pittsburgh Steelers player Tyrone Carter. As the story goes, Tank skipped his due date in jail to attend the Super Bowl and party with Snoop Dogg. In actuality, the tale is not that simple (Tank's jail date was Jan. 6, an entire month before the Super Bowl).

No matter. Tank still deserves this award for getting 4.5 more years in jail for not showing up on time and then saying he has no regrets.

Let's see if Tank still has no regrets after getting butt-fucked for a couple years....


NCAA Tournament Day 5 Running Blog

I flipped the script on this post - it will now be written with the most recent events first to make it easier on the reader.

1:00 AM: I know I said that was my final comment, but I changed my mind. This Adam Morrison press conference is just painful to watch. I'm waiting for a reporter to ask, "Adam, what was going through your mind as you laid on the floor and cried like a bitch......?"

12:30 AM: Well, you just saw two of the most exciting finishes you will see in college basketball. Nothing really needs to be said except that Texas outrebounded WVU, 42-14. That is fuckin' absurd. Gotta tip your hat to West Virginia for making it a great game despite the boards. I leave you with one final note: Huggins is currently hitting O.J.'s crack pipe in the Deja Vu bathroom while Mayo chills in the VIP. I love college basketball...

11:51 PM: We have a Niki Reams sighting! For those that don't remember her, she played on the Michigan women's hoops team before transferring. She is now a star at Grand Valley State and playing in the Division 2 National Semifinals on ESPNU. You go girl!

11:45 PM: Bob Huggins update: Huggins is completely obliterated at this point. O.J. has to drive because coach is so wasted. Huggins gets the directions wrong a couple times but finally leads the gang to Deja Vu. As soon as they walk in, Huggins orders a lap dance for O.J.

11:42 PM: Food for thought: Texas is #1 in rebounding margin, West Virginia is #325 (out of 326). If WVU pulls this off, Rick Barnes should resign immediately.

10:51 PM: These games are extremely boring, time for a Huggins update. Bob whipped O.J. and his boys in pool, and then decided to roll out. Luckily, a bar was right across the street. Huggins is extremely wasted while O.J. is only sippin' on his 4th beer of the night.

10:11 PM: One of CBS' keys to Gonzaga winning was "Embrace Diversity". I'm confused.

9:48 PM: After narrowly missing a tree on the way over, Huggins pulls into his favorite pool hall. He immediately orders Jager bombs for him, O.J. and O.J.'s boys, who are now tagging along.

9:32 PM: LSU just matched UConn dancing around and singing "Ruff Ryders Anthem" after the 1999 title. Tyrus Thomas screaming "This how we gon' eat!" was classic. By the way, how many times did we hear the words "Big Baby" tonight?

9:17 PM: Huggins just grabbed the check at Damon's. He has already forgotten how many beers he's had. Huggins piles into his car wasted and tells O.J. that they are guaranteed to have a good time tonight ...

9:15 PM: What was with J.J. Redick's Air Jordan impression with 2 minutes left? The kid has lost his mind. Sean Dockery is completely worthless except for knocking that old man on his ass.

8:50 PM: Memphis is rolling over Bradley now, 42-33. The Braves haven't scored in over 7:00 minutes. Duke has taken the lead again despite J.J. playing like crap. Redick definitely hasn't been sweet in the round of 16 during his career:

(Year) Opponent
(2005) Michigan St.: 4-14 FG, 13 PTS, Lost 78-68
(2004) Illinois: 7-13 FG, 17 PTS, Won 72-62
(2003) Kansas: 2-16 FG, 5 PTS, Lost 69-65

8:15 PM: I'm tired of the Adam Morrison-Larry Bird comparisons. It's time for someone to mention the resemblance between George Mason coach Jim Larranaga and Tom Coughlin, and Billy Donovan's resemblance to Eddie Munster....

8:07 PM: Huggins is double-fisting a Bud Light with a Soco & Lime. O.J. just ordered a burger and fries, then asked for a Coors Light.

7:46 PM: These games are brutal to watch so far. Duke has lost in the Sweet 16 in 3 of the last 4 years.....

7:38 PM: Someone just notified me that the new Samuel L. Jackson movie is named "Snakes on a Plane." The premise? Snakes are unleashed on a plane. I guarantee Fratboy Missionaries is a better movie.

7:32 PM: Bob Huggins just sat down at Damon's with O.J. Mayo and placed an order of wings for the games (updates throughout the night).

7:14 PM: Did anyone notice how Duke had a point before they even scored? Like they just earned a point for being Duke. And that's on top of Jay Bilas calling the game. I feel sick already.

Brent Petway Rap Song

As if you didn't already know Brent Petway was extremely dim-witted from being academically ineligible this season and shaving #23 in the back of his head, we have found his infamous rap song on the Internet. Hats off to the Michigan State fan that coordinated the music to Michigan's players making asses of themselves.

If AND when we win the NIT, we will demand a re-mix substituting #1 with #66. We will also demand a L.A. Lakers-style parade through Ann Arbor in which Graham Brown does the Mark Madsen dance. Needless to say, this is going to be a special NIT.

As always, there will be observations posted later tonight about observations from Day 5 of the NCAA Tournament. Stay tuned....

No Doubt About It: Reasonable Doubt Wins

After weeks of voting, our faithful readers have decided which Hov album is the most real. Reasonable Doubt won a nailbiter, edging out The Blueprint by a vote total of 16-14. This has settled one debate but opened up another: If "Young Hov" is actually older in age than Old Hov, then is Old Hov actually Young Hov?

"Reasonable Doubt - classic, shoulda went triple"

Voting is now open for our new slogan to be posted at the top of the blog.


Real Matchups

Last year we ran our first annual "All Real Tournament" in honor of ourselves and March Madness. While the voting was intense and the candidates were all worthy, it simply was too much work for us to administer. This year we've decided to put up the Master of Realety, Jack Bauer, against a group of worthy challengers. Over the next couple of weeks we'll be comparing Jack with a slew of adversaries in order to determine if he reigns supreme in the world of Realety. This weeks challenger won't be an easy foe: Rasheed Wallace.

Rasheed "Ball Don't Lie" Wallace


Jack Bauer

Vital Statistics
'Sheed: 6'11", 230 lbs. Power Forward, Detroit Pistons. 1 NBA Championship.
Bauer: 5'10", less than 200 lbs. CTU Agent, Head of CTU. Saved LA/USA/World 4 times and counting.
Analysis: Even though a Pistons' championship is a beautiful thing, I don't think we'd be able to enjoy it without Bauer.
Edge: Bauer.

Body Count
'Sheed: 0. He's had some flagrant foulds, etc. but nothing too bad.
Bauer: 112...and counting. To be honest, this number seems a little low. It's hard to keep up with how many people Jack has actually merked. Plus, if you add in all the people that Jack has tortured, has ordered tortured, or has killed indirectly, this number could become astronomical. Of course, you do have to weight that against the number of lives he has saved.
Analysis: Hurting people is never good...unless you do it to save the world.
Edge: Bauer.

Most Famous Quotation
'Sheed: 1) Ball don't lie. 2) Cut the check. 3) It was a good game, both teams played hard.
Bauer: Do you trust me?!?!? Do you trust me?!?!?
Analysis: Gotta go with humor over repetition and screaming. 'Sheed might be the best quote in the NBA. But it's close because Jack is just so damn persuasive.
Edge: 'Sheed.

Quality of Enemies
'Sheed: Referees and Power Forwards across the NBA.
Bauer: World class terrorists.
Analysis: Jack faced just about very bad guy you could ever imagine. From crazy Arab fundamentalists to crazy Eastern European fundamentalists to crazy Russian fundamentalists. And people's he's known/loved/slept with have turned on him. Rasheed just has to dunk on fools.
Edge: Bauer.

Compliance with Authority
'Sheed: Holds single-season record for technical fouls.
Bauer: Pisses off everyone at CTU. Pisses off the President.
Analysis: Refs are idiots. Then again, so is President Logan and everyone that works at CTU.
Edge: Even.

Support from Friends
'Sheed: Teammates call him the consummate on court professional and amazing teammate. Teammates love him for giving them wrestling championship belts. Locker room clown.
Bauer: His friends would die for him. Wait a second, his friends have died for him (or because of him - but I'm sure they don't hold Jack responsible). Audrey still wants to bone him even after he killed her husband. Tony, Michelle, and David Palmer also died because of their connection to him. The only ungrateful one is that dumbass Kim.
Analysis: Who doesn't want friends who will take a bullet for them?
Edge: Bauer.

'Sheed: Uncanny ability to hit big shots when they count (especially three pointers). Always willing to drop a funny line on a moments notice.
Bauer: Always finds a way to save the world but bad luck seems to follow him around.
Analysis: Looks like nothing but upside with 'Sheed. Jack's done some amazing stuff, but he's paid the price.
Edge: 'Sheed.

With apologies to the good folks at Need4Sheed, it looks like Jack Bauer is the winner (4-2-1). It was a tough battle throughout. I love Rasheed Wallace as much as the next person (in fact, I love him more...much much more), but this matchup just shows how hard it'll be to take Jack down. Rasheed will just have to settle for destroying fools in the playoffs, winning his second NBA championship, and sipping a cocktail on a beach after the championship parade. So, Jack defends his crown succesfully and 'Sheed will have to make do with winning another NBA championship. Remember 'Sheed fans, there's no use arguing with the result: Blog don't lie.


"It's The Dog In Me That Makes Me Do Wrong"

First, I challenge anyone to name whose quote that is. Second, Zubino made a very nice observation about 24's President Logan: he looks like our dog, Woodley. Just take a look:

Logan in a crisis

Woodley in the Moonchair