Bob "The Animal" Hunt
HOLLYWOOD, Ca. – Amid the stars, the outfits, and that fake party E! has for Ryan Seacrest to feel better about himself, it was yet another glamorous year at the Academy Awards. The big shock of the evening, other than the Three 6 Mafia winning best original song, was the upset of "Crash" winning Best Picture over "Brokeback Mountain."
But between Brokeback Mountain's three wins and Phillp Seymour Hoffman's Best Actor victory for playing Truman Capote, this was still an evening for the "males who like other males."
I quickly learned this after just a few minutes on the red carpet, with the constant use of the words "fabulous" and "divine" to describe anything, that "Brokeback Mountain" really struck a cord with many of the people around. Well, at least between those folks and people actually excited to see "Failure to Launch" next weekend.
"It's pretty well known around here that there are some folks here who like to take a little walk on the brown side every once in a while," said one actor, who didn't want to be mentioned, but was probably bitter that he was not nominated. "So the issues that came across in 'Brokeback Mountain' really connected with many Academy members."
Don't get me wrong: I have no problem with homosexuality. People should be able to like whoever they want.
Actually, on second thought, I encourage it. I need all the help I can get.
But think about it, the people who were involved in the musical theatre department at your high school were more likely to be gay. So how couldn't actors in general be more likely to be gay? And it should be of no surprise that a movie with two cowboys struggling with their homosexuality came away with the most nominations.
Well, regardless, amid the questions of "Who are you wearing?" were glowing remarks about Ang Lee's work.
"Brokeback Mountain is movie that transcended the whole world," said one director, oblivious to the fact that Monster-In-Law, Cheaper By The Dozen 2, The Dukes of Hazzard and Fantastic Four all made more money.
"I was thrilled with the fabulous job that Heath Ledger and Tobey McGuire, I mean Jake Gyllenhall, did playing Gay cowboys," Lee said. "And everyone keeps telling me how cute they looked!"
And no one understands why Los Angeles does not have an NFL franchise.
While Brokeback Mountain was generally considered a good film, it was hurt in the box office by the fact that no straight male would actually consider saying that he wants to go see movie that includes Gyllenhall and Ledger pulling each other's pants down.
If he tells his girlfriend he wants to see it, she'll get suspicious. If he tells his friends he wants to go see it, his friends will get suspicious. And if he goes by himself, well, let's not go there.
Meanwhile, Gyllenhall was visibly pissed after the show.
"I had to make out with a dude, answer 4,000 questions about it, and I don't win," Gyllenhall said at the Vanity Fair party afterwards. "I was told by my agent that I would be guaranteed an Oscar for winning this part. But at least chicks dig me. I may have not won the Oscar, but I am a winner in life."
So while Resse Witherspoon stole the show for her victory for Walk The Line, a.k.a. Ray for White People, this a celebration of gay cowboys and some other movies that no one outside of Los Angeles, New York, and college campuses ever saw.
But until next year, just remember, it's hard out here for a pimp.
Posted by The Realests at 9:01 AM