3.13.2006

I Have A Dream....

I know the chances of Bill Martin actually firing Tommy Amaker are slim (don't worry, a post about whether Amaker will be fired is in the works). And please don't even mention the fact that Amaker's contract goes through the 2010-11 season - I just punched myself in the face.

Right now isn't the time to analyze, it's a time to dream and hope. I present candidates we'd like to see for a Michigan coaching vacancy.

Rudy T. (Unemployed)

Odds: 20-1
Why he will be Michigan's next coach: He's Rudy T.! Can you just imagine the atmosphere when Rudy T. walks onto the floor at Crisler for the first time: students chanting "Rudy, Rudy, Rudy....", a montage playing old clips of #45 in action, and Maize Rage shirts that read, "Never underestimate the heart of a champion...." For once I'm being serious when I say, that would be pretty amazing.
Why he won't be Michigan's next coach: Little known secret about Rudy T.: he didn't graduate (at least according to Mike Rosenberg). Also according to Rosenberg, that means Bill Martin would NEVER hire him.

Louis Orr (Seton Hall)

Odds: 75-1
Why he will be Michigan's next coach: Just like Amaker, everyone says he is doing a great job, yet Seton Hall fans hate him. He is certainly doing just as good a job with much less talent (i.e. Samuel Dalembert, Eddie Griffin). It would be a pretty special day if Seton Hall became a pipeline for Michigan coaches. I can see Bill Martin at the press conference saying this with a straight face: "I truly believe this guy is the next Tommy Amaker."
Why he won't be Michigan's next coach: Doesn't matchup well against Duke (lost by 53 points this year). Then again, neither does Michigan.

John Calipari (Memphis)

Odds: 80-1
Why he will be Michigan's next coach: Calipari is the biggest ego-maniac in college basketball (well, at least tied with Rick Pitino). He will jump ship in a second for the amount of prestige, money and attention the Michigan job would bring.
Why he won't be Michigan's next coach: This guy supposedly paid for Marcus Camby's hooker.

Mike Davis (Indiana)

Odds: 100-1
Why he will be Michigan's next coach: Undefeated vs. Michigan and a Final Four on the resume. What else does the man need to do?
Why he won't be Michigan's next coach: He's still a moron.

P.J. Carlesimo (San Antonio Spurs, Assistant)

Odds: 1,000-1
Why he will be Michigan's next coach: Has to be really tired of the pro game. People, let's not forget that he took Seton Hall to the 1989 national championship game against Michigan. Would be another great pickup from The Hall.
Why he won't be Michigan's next coach: Isn't he doing commercials for video games now?

Larry Eustachy (Southern Miss)

Odds: 500,000-1
Why he will be Michigan's next coach: I bet you thought Big Larr was still in rehab, didn't you? He's struggling a little bit at Southern Miss right now, but should be back on top of the game in no time. Imagine the possibility of walking into a house party and seeing him in person with a Nati Light.
Why he won't be Michigan's next coach: Red Berenson already embarassed the school for urinating in public - this is just as bad.

Bob Huggins (Unemployed)

Odds: 750,000-1
Why he will be Michigan's next coach: Huggins is currently paying for O.J. Mayo's (the top recruit in NEXT year's class) lap dances, and would bring at least 3 top notch recruits with him.
Why he won't be Michigan's next coach: See: Why Larry Eustrachy won't be Michigan's next coach (below).

Jerry Tarkanian (Unemployed)

Odds: 1 million-1
Why he will be Michigan's next coach: We would have another Fab Five in no time. Never underestimate what a slick businessman like Bill Martin will do to succeed...
Why he won't be Michigan's next coach: The guy is so old he looks like a Rugrat.

Steve Fisher (San Diego St.)

Odds: 1 billion-1
Why he will be Michigan's next coach: We love you, then we hate you, then we love you again. Like Tark the Shark, it would be an extreme move. Did you know the NCAA said there was no proof Steve Fisher did anything wrong during the Ed Martin scandal (that is true). But just for a second, imagine a Fab Five reunion and Michigan finally embracing its gang-banger past....
Why he won't be Michigan's next coach: He is the devil.

Dave Bliss (Dakota Wizards - CBA)

Odds: 1 trillion-1
Why he will be Michigan's next coach: First of all, shouldn't this guy be in jail? You remember him - the former Baylor head coach. Yeah, HIM. That aside, look at this guy's bio - very overqualified ....
Why he won't be Michigan's next coach: Player-coach trust would definitely be an issue...

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