Real Honorable Mention

The definition of a MILF:

GOLDEN, Colo. - A woman who told police she wanted to be a “cool mom” pleaded guilty to sexual assault charges Monday for having sex with high school boys at parties where authorities said she supplied drugs and alcohol.

Silvia Johnson, 40, pleaded guilty to two misdemeanor counts of sexual assault and nine felony counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. As part of a plea agreement, prosecutors dropped two counts of distribution of methamphetamine.

“She described herself as a ‘cool mom,”’ Detective R.J. Vander Veen wrote in the affidavit. He said Johnson told investigators “she was never popular with classmates in high school and now began ‘feeling like one of the group.”’


Realest of the Week

Matt Leinart.

Heisman Trophy winner, two-time National Champion, on every magazine in America, about to be a millionaire.......... well someone call the Boob Patrol because now he is hooking up with Kristin from Laguna Beach. Most people probably didn't catch this on last night's show - it's about to be in every tabloid. There's something noble about picking a 17-year old out of any girl in the country to hook up with. Making the story even better, ESPN the Mag just came out with a cute little story about him and his longtime girlfriend on the USC women's basketball team.

I would say Leinart is realer than Pat O'Brien - but then I realized O'Brien has probably slammed her as well.

Said Leinart in a press release: "The great thing about high school girls is that I keep getting older - and they stay the same age" Posted by Picasa

R. Kelly just peed his pants thinking about a Golden Shower with Kristin... Posted by Picasa

The old girlfriend... As Jigga would say: "Like bringing a knife to a gun fight, a pen to a test..." Posted by Picasa


Realest of the Week

Terrell Owens:

"At the end of the day," Owens told the Miami Herald's Jason Cole, "I don't have to worry about what people think of me, whether they hate me or not. People hated on Jesus. They threw stones at him and tried to kill him, so how can I complain or worry about what people think?"

Owens? Or Christ? Posted by Picasa

Real Honorable Mention

ESPN's Gary Miller, Moises Alou and Jorge Posada.

If you didn't already hear:

"Wrote Miller, "Alou says the secret to hitting without batting gloves is to harden your hands and prevent calluses."

Sounds reasonable. So how does Alou go about hardening his hands? What's the secret?

"He urinates on his hands," Miller wrote. "That's the honest truth. Alou said he isn't sure where he learned this distasteful folk medicine, but it wasn't from his famous father. And it works for Moises."

OK. Now you know why Powell doesn't want to shake hands, ever again, with Alou.

My first thought?

Wasn't this the same Gary Miller who was once arrested and charged with urinating out a window of a Cleveland nightclub? Yep, it's the same guy.

What a coincidence.

(You want to talk about bad timing? Miller had the misfortunate of urinating on a couple of off-duty Cleveland police officers who just happened to be standing under the second-floor window of the nightclub.)"

Jorge said in a separate interview he pees on his hands ONLY during spring training...


Real Honorable Mention

University of Kansas.

These guys...

So they're pissed off at Roy Williams for leaving Kansas, winning the national title at UNC, and leaving them with thugs like J.R. Giddens. The entire SCHOOL comes out firing, claiming Roy Williams is a cheater.

But it gets realer:

"The violations, which Kansas reported to the NCAA last month, were among several involving the men's and women's basketball programs, and the football program, ending in 2003.

The university said the violations would result in a reduction of scholarships in the football and women's basketball programs.

The men's basketball violation will be addressed through extra education about the rules regarding gifts. No other sanctions against the program are planned."

The idea of someone caring enough to give women's basketball players gifts is just upsetting. At least KU made up for it by punishing the women and educating the men. I hope the players get course credit for that...


Realest of the Week

The Sports Guy.

Background info: Fed up with seeing unoriginal journalists obsessed with getting face time, I wrote Bill Simmons something like this:

"You should write an open letter to all the dick riders out there that jack your style. There isn't enough space here to name them all, but most especially Jim Caple."

Today I get an e-mail in my inbox from the SG. His response:

"thanks Jim - i try not to read anyone who tries to write like me, it drives me crazy and i want to have them killed"


Another Day, Another Kidney Stone

Yeah, and another 7 hours in the hospital. I don't even feel like going through the whole thing, except to say this:

Imagine one of these going down your tubes and out your wang...

As usual, Jay-Z said it best: "Ain't nothin' nice..." Posted by Picasa


Ron Mexico Was Here

Keep in mind people, this could have just been Photoshoped in.


Oyser Vey Katie Holmes!

As usual, Jay-Z said it best: "Now that's what the fuck I call a chain reaction..." Posted by Picasa


Realest of the Week

Utah/Texas Tech/Weber State football player Sione Havili:

From the Salt Lake Tribune:

"Three years after being kept from joining the University of Utah football team because he is a convicted felon who served jail time for arson, Sione Havili is suing athletic director Chris Hill and former university president Bernie Machen.

Havili wanted to join the Utes for the 2002 season after serving seven months in jail for firebombing a house with five other men in 1998. The group used plastic milk jugs full of gasoline, in retaliation for an apparently gang-related drive-by shooting. The men also fired shotguns into the house after it was ablaze, though nobody was inside."