We've got another first at The Realests - a split R.O.Y. between Nic Cage and Michigan backup QB David Cone (HT: GSylvest).

Let us explain:

Nic Cage

You put a bunch of Japanese dudes and Nic Cage in the same room and you know crazy shit is gonna happen. It's just amazing it took us (and by us, I mean The Sports Guy) this long to find it.

David Cone

Skip the first minute then let the good rhymes roll!!!

D.Cone Goin In For Life.

Let us breakdown a couple of these raps:

"I am so G.A., like Chipper with the Braves."

OK, I've heard better lyrics from LFO.

"Someone grab the Febreze, I think we have it in the kitchen.
And spray in on the mic cuz when I'm rappin' I be shittin'."

Very Lil Wayne-esque...

"I told 'em miss me with that bullshit, I won't miss you when I pull it.
I will miss you when I'm pulling bullets out that full clip."

OK, that shit don't even make sense. We love it.

Hey, maybe there is hope for this team!



Alright everyone's been waiting patiently for this post to explode, so here's out thoughts on John Beilein's second season at UM:

2009 Recap:

• If you would have told us at the beginning of the year we would have made the Round of 32, we would have said you'd had one too many quaaludes.

• Maybe we overstated it a bit with DeShawn Sims for Big Ten Player of the Year, but name a more improved player in the country than DeShizzle. To increase your shooting percentage 10 points in one year is completely ridiculous.

• Manny Fresh was Manny Fresh. To be among the Top 10 in Big Ten points, rebounds and assists is no small feat. If there's one adjustment that needs to be made in the offseason, it's Beilein pushing the ball when Manny gets it in the open court. He's a one-man fastbreak, people.

• The rebounding situation? Yikes. We know rebounding is the Achilles' heel of Beilein's offense, but there were times teams would get 4 or 5 offensive rebounds in one possession.

• The offense took huge strides forward this year (244th in offensive efficiency in 2008, 96th this year), but there were still some BRUTAL scoring droughts that reminded us of the Tommy Amaker Point a Minute teams. When we just start winging it around the perimeter for 30 seconds, DeShawn has to call for it on the block next year and take control.

2010 Preview:

• You know Michigan fans are going to start talking crazy shit like the Final Four in the offseason with basically everyone coming back. And we should be very, very good. But just a note of caution: The Big 10 is going to be an absolute bloodbath next year. Aside from Wisconsin, NO ONE loses any seniors. BJ Mullens going pro really hurts, but Evan Turner is a stud and David Lighty coming back off a broken foot will be a huge boost.

• Kelvin Grady: Please do some serious soul-searching in the offseason. We don't know what it is with these Grady brothers, but we seriously need someone to run the point next year with Merritt and C.J. Lee graduating. We don't even need Grady to score. If he can just push the break and take care of the ball, he might actually get on the court.

• It'll be really interesting to see how our recruiting class turns out, with Beilein pulling in some real studs (Matt Vogrich, Darius Morris, Jordan Morgan). Morgan will have to contribute minutes right away and it will be quite comical to see Stu, Novak and Vogrich on the court on the same time. Seriously, how many baby-faced white kids can we get?

Our 2010 prediction: Big Ten 4th place, Sweet Sixteen.

Not bad for Year 3, Johnny Cakes.



Please sit down before you read this line:

Courtney Sims is in the NBA

Well, kind of. He's on the Knicks.

That's right, Sims has replaced Cheikh Samb and signed a 10-day contract in The Big Apple.

It's actually a perfect situation for Sims: sit on the bench all practice next to Eddy Curry as he slams donuts, then come in and make Curry look fat and slow. A nutless monkey could do that job.

Boom: Another 10-day contract.

Editor's Note: Our basketball season recap will be up tomorrow. Everyone keep their pants on.



It's official: The Ann Arbor News is dunzo.

You know, I've waited a long day to write this post with all the d-bags I've run into over there.

But damn that's a lot of lost jobs.

Combined with the News and Freep in full freak-out mode, it's pretty scary to think about how fucked the economy in Michigan is these days and journalism is in general.

Anyway, here's the link.



Wondering where we've been the last couple months?


As we said, we never pass up a chance for self-promotion. Spread the word.


Update: Well that blew up in our face like a Dan Kendra science experiment, didn't it?

That Jonny Flynn's pretty good.

Go ahead, bring on the Haterade. We know: This blog is a shell of itself.

You didn't really think we were going to leave you hanging without our Super Sleeper this year did you?

We might have fallen off the blog game big time, but we will NEVER miss an opportunity for self-promotion. Like ever.

So far we're 2 for 2 with these kinds of things (Northwestern State in '06, San Diego in '08) so, yeah, there's some pressure on us this year.

It'd be easy for us to play it safe and go with the conventional pick of Portland State over Xavier (Game in Boise, Terrell Holloway is hurt, Xavier's on a slide, PSU already won at Gonzaga and played UW close, Jeremiah Dominguez is sweet) - but we've always blazed our own path here at The Realests.

Our goal is to pick the BIGGEST upset of the first round.

How do you think we became the 69th most influential sports blog?

So instead we're going with the Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks over perennial choke-job Syracuse:

• Jim Boeheim is Mr. First Round Exit (see Richmond in 1991, Vermont in 2005)

• Remember in 2006 when everyone was clinging to Gerry McNamara's nuts after 'Cuse won 4 games in 4 days for the Big East Tourney title. Know how they fared in that tournament? Lost in the first round. McNamara? 2 points. Watch Jonny Flynn do the same.

• Syracuse is a horrible, HORRIBLE defensive team. They are really, really lazy on that famed 2-3 zone and rank 109 in defensive efficiency. Providence put up 100 points on this crew.

• A team that will read the headlines and think it's WAY better than they are. Paul Harris is a huge underachiever and Eric Devendorf is a wankster.

• SFA can light it up (112-111 3 OT win over North Dakota State).

• A great inside-outside combo of C Matt Kingsley and F Josh Alexander. If Alexander gets hot from 3, watch out since 'Cuse doesn't even bother to guard people out there.

OK, we're done here.

Editor's Note: To the comment below: Shit, do we have to do everything around here? Why don't we just give you the trophy...



Sign you've lost your damn mind in March Madness: Watching the Summit League Championship Game and sweating bullets because an Oakland victory will boost Michigan's resume (!!!).

Send help. Fast.

Update: IDIOTS!!!!!!!!!!



What an amazing comeback by Big Blue today to stamp our ticket to the Big Dance. We'll follow this up with another post, but we just want to throw this out there:

DeShawn Sims: Big Ten Player of the Year

If people are smart enough to look past the best player on the conference champs (Kalin Lucas), the league's scoring leader (Manny) and the feel-good story (Talor Battle), it really comes down to him and Ohio State's Evan Turner.

Granted, big men always have much higher shooting percentages - but this says it all for us:

Turner: 51.1 FG%
Sims: 50.7 FG%*
Manny: 41.2 FG%
Battle: 40.5 FG%
Lucas: 39.3 FG%

* That comes after shooting a combined 38.0% his first two years.

Realests - out.


Everyone already knows the implications of today's game vs. Minnesota.

But don't worry guys, I'm sure a loss here won't haunt you for the rest of your lives...

P.S. Is that Stu Douglass or Kevin Garnett??



Or should it be, "Cash Rules Everything Around Me"?

Since The Sports Guy recently labeled Jessica Alba's husband Cash Warren "The Luckiest Man on the Face of the Earth" we asked ourselves, "Who the shit is this dude?"

Upon further review, we concur. Let us count the ways:

• HE'S MARRIED TO JESSICA ALBA. Just chew on that for a second longer.

• His name is Cash. Normally we'd say he's just some rich snot-nosed brat and that he should be ridiculed for his name, but not when...

• His dad is Mike Warren. Never heard of him? Oh, he was just an All-American PG at UCLA that won 2 national titles (1967, 1968) with a guy named Lew Alcindor. So yeah, he's probably got Kareem and John Wooden on speed dial at home.

• Born with those genes, Cash was good enough to play basketball at his preppy private school (Crossroads) in LA. That itself doesn't mean dick. But it just-so-happens that while he's there, none other than Baron Davis "transfers" to his high school. Of course, they become best friends and now Cash and Jess sit courtside for all Clippers games (OK, that is NOT awesome).

• Yale graduate. Yawn.

• Looking for a career in film, his actor-dad hooks him up as the director's assistant on "Fantastic Four" - skipping about 10 years in the film profession. Oh yeah, and that's where he met Alba.

• His latest project? Producing the new Baron Davis' documentary "Crips and Bloods: Made in America" - because, you know, as a half-black man, he's worried about the direction of today's African-American youth.

So yeah, life is good if you're Cash Warren. And shitty if you're this guy.