FRIDAY NIGHT GAME NOTES

A couple notes while watching the Washington-Syracuse game on ESPN:

- How desperate are we for college football that we're watching Washington-Syracuse on ESPN?

- Those new Syracuse helmets? Bleh. They can keep changing the unis, but the results are going to stay the same as long as Greg Robinson is there.

- Touchdown Washington!!! Man, seeing Ty Will giving 'em the finger will never get old. We know, we know - it's hard for it to get old when it never happens...

- Not to go all Bill O'Reilly on 50 Cent, but there is something really wrong about him doing the Saturday Night Football intro song when was just on a track with Yayo, who said "I’ll put the tek to you n***as; Virginia Tech you n***as."

- Not enough is being made of Western Kentucky's first game in Division IA (or whatever it's called) being against Florida. Seriously, with 120 teams now, if you want to enter D-IA, you should have to play the national champs at home as your first game. We can call it "The Buttfuck Rule."

- Oh yeah. Go Blue!

PHIL KNIGHT IS AN EVIL DICTATOR

Phil Knight must be stopped. Not from sweat-shop labor and children working in textile factories and iron smelts, but from ruining uniforms forever.

Knight annihilated his alma mater last year, with this disastrous four-uniform, three-helmet attack (left). Not satisfied, he also designed a new redonkulous helmet for the Ducks before their appearance in the Las Vegas Bowl (right):



This season, Knight has destroyed what was left of the state by introducing the bro/manzier look at Oregon State (left) and dropping acid while designing Portland State's new helmet (right):



Thankfully, Michigan is ditching Nike for Adidas after this year. The question is: Will it be too late?

(Note: A big thanks to Paul Lukas' Uni Watch, which boggles the mind with the amount of research put into each piece)

TIGA, TIGA WOODS Y'ALL!

Do yourself a favor. Click play on the first video then immediately click play on the second video. The syncing is amazing.





What's up with Eldrick showing some personality? Gee, it only took ten years for Tiger to recover from the GQ debacle in 1997 for making dirty jokes. Maybe in another ten years, he'll be swapping Polish slurs on the course with Sergio Garcia.

CHEERS TO BEING A DOUCHE BAG

Seriously, we know we use this line to much. But when we find out Jason Wahler from "Laguna Beach" and "The Hills" is getting married, all we can think to ourselves is: "WHERE COULD HE FIND SOMEONE SO.... BEEFHEADED?!?!?!"

Apparently, you can them on the USC tennis team because Wahler is engaged to sophomore Trojan tennis player, Katja Decker-Sadowski. From People:

Wahler, 20, popped the question to Decker-Sadowski, 19, during a housewarming party at their shared Los Angeles home, with friends—including former flame Lauren Conrad—looking on.

Wait, they are already living together? What the hell is wrong with parents in L.A.???

Let's see here - according to this, she just turned 19-years old. And we still can't tell if she's hot, or just blond. This photo just confuses us more.

Her family must be ecstatic she's about to get married to someone fresh out of rehab and with FOUR drinking-related arrests in the last year (seriously, that's a Willie Williams pace right there).

And that whole Talan-Kimberly Stewart engagement didn't work out too well.

Wait, are we jealous?

KUDOS TO KAREN HOLBROOK

Unfortunately for Karen Holbrook, we've already handed out the Realest of the Week award. The good news is that anytime someone rips Ohio State, especially one of the school's former presidents, they will always have a home on The Realests.

While interviewing for a job as the president of Florida Gulf Coast University (further proof that having "THE Ohio State University" on your resume doesn't get you anywhere), Holbrook had this say say about Bucknuts:

"When you win a game, you riot. When you lose a game, you riot. When spring comes, you riot. African-American Heritage Festival weekend, you riot..."

"They think it's fun to flip cars, to really have absolute drunken orgies... I don't want to be at a place that has this kind of culture as a norm."

Actually the drunken orgies kind of sound fun... just kidding! Anyway, Holbrook is taking a lot of heat for her comments, which is absurd. I mean what could possibly give her that impression of tOSU???

TOP 10 COLLEGE FOOTBALL FANS

Normally, we are strictly opposed to recycling our own material. But I spent a lot of time on this article about the Top 10 Fans in College Football. So in this case, you'll take our recyclables and like it!

And no, even the hard hat frat dudes weren't enough to get Michigan on the list.


You are a huge nerd.

INTRODUCING: HELL RELL

Forget the much-hyped LP showdown between Kanye West and 50 Cent on Sept. 11 (although we wouldn't mind seeing 50 retire...). The date everyone should be circling on their calendar is Sept. 25, when Hell Rell's debut "For The Hell of It" hits shelves.

Just check out the cover of this soon-to-be masterpiece.



What can we say, folks? Gold fronts are out, bullets for teeth are in. The Diplomats have done it again!

P.S. We are contacting our dentists immediately!

REALEST OF THE WEEK

We're not gonna dooooo what you think we're gonna dooooo and just name Miss South Carolina - Lauren Caitlin - the Realest of the Week. However we will stop to acknowledge the fact this girl is representing the same state Ken Wall grew up in, which explains a lot. In case you didn't know, he's still embarrassed about getting held back in 1st grade for trouble with the English language.

Or possibly the giant inflatable Atlanta Falcon who merked Pop Warner football players at halftime of this week's Monday Night Football game (all credit to The Dude on that one).

But the ROW is reserved for a young lady even more special than Miss South Carolina, known to as simply as "Ashley." As you can see from this footage during a Toronto Argonauts game a couple weeks back, Ashley might also have rocks for brains, but she's also got a lot of heart.

I think it's safe to say Ashley won't be playing "Pin the Tail on the Donkey" at her birthday party anytime soon.

By the way, Canadians are slowly creeping up on the Japanese as the craziest bastards alive.

Note: Make sure you check out the reverse angle slow-motion replay. Brilliant!

IT'S GETTING HARD OUT HERE FOR A PIMP

We're getting real tired of decent American tennis players dating hot chicks.

It was one thing for Andy Roddick to hook up with Mandy Moore (he is currently dating Maria Sharapova). At least he's won a Grand Slam. But this James Blake character really pushes our buttons.

For a guy that's never even won anything of importance, the amount of ass this guy pulls in is ridiculous.

His old flame was former USF volleyball star Jennifer Scholle (left). After that fizzled out, he's reportedly picked up USA soccer player Heather Mitts (right). Don't get us started on her old boyfriend, A.J. Feeley. Seriously girl, you gotta start raising your standards!



Seriously, these kind of hot chicks should be reserved for Tiger Woods, Tom Brady and.... well, that's about it.

Oh well, at least we have a reason to look forward to the U.S. Open now.

SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE

Here's a clip of IFL fighter Ben Rothwell pummeling a fat kid that looks like Andy Milanokis. Who says MMA isn't a sport?

HERBIE NOT FULLY LOADED

We'll always call Kirk Herbstreit a homer (especially after putting Steve Breaston on blast late last year for no reason), but no one knows more about college football than Herbie.

Unfortunately, after reading his 7th Annual Herbie Awards, ESPN's lead college football analyst apparently has some offseason rust.

In it, Herbstreit lists Rutgers' Eric Foster as the 6th best inside linebacker in the country AND the 6th best defensive tackle (Note: Many scouts predict Foster will become a LB at the pro level, but to list him as one is blatantly wrong). Woah, Ms. Lippy. Did Eric Foster clone himself in the offseason?

No biggie, Kirk. Most Buckeye fans probably wouldn't be able to spell his name, so kudos for that.

DREW HENSON GETS CUT - AGAIN

We've been dreading this day since the Freep ran a dismal feature on Drew Henson a few weeks ago. Drew Henson has been cut by the Minnesota Vikings.

In competition with Coastal Carolina rookie Tyler Thigpen, an option quarterback in college, Henson couldn't snag the third-string spot on a depth chart with Tarvaris Jackson and Brooks Bollinger at the top.

What's next? It's hard to say, but considering Childress was basically doing Henson a favor, it's hard to believe anyone else would give him a chance. Henson can't even turn to NFL Europe anymore with that league folded. All that's left is the CFL or Arena ball, which no Michigan Man would ever take part of.

The only viable option we see left is for Drew to head home and set up a sporting goods store in Brighton. Hey, it could be worse... right?

MOTOWN PHILLY BACK AGAIN

I had the privilege to take in a Philadelphia Phillies game at Citizens Bank Park last night. After spending just 3 hours with them, Phillie fans will always have special place in my heart.

Despite throwing just 84 pitches, Charlie "Mumbles" Manuel decides to take Kyle Lohse out in the 6th inning with Philly up, 2-1. Like everyone else in the stadium, we just waited for the decision to blow up in Manuel's face.

As soon as Flash Gordon gave up a solo shot to Milton Bradley, boos were raining down from the stands and people were calling for Manuel's head (prodded along by us, of course).

I'm especially proud of stirring up the fans with this gem: "HOW ON EARTH DID WE END UP WITH A MANAGER SO BEEFHEADED?!?!??!"

I haven't seen a fan-base turn on its team that fast since the St. Louis Rams "faithful" mercilessly booed their own team during the 2004 NFC Divisional Playoffs against Carolina.

We thought it couldn't get any better. That is, until Brett Myers ran out of the bullpen in the ninth inning to P.O.D.'s "Light's Out".

"Hey, isn't that the guy who beat his wife?" asked a friend.

Before we had a chance to answer, Kevin Kouzmanoff was in the middle of crushing one out of the park. The last 15 minutes were spent mercilessly booing Myers and Manuel, while commenting on how - at that very moment - Mrs. Myers was hurrying to get the kids in the car for an "emergency trip to Grandma's" on the Jersey shore.

As if the night wasn't complete, we wake up to find this exchange between Myers and Philly Inquirer reporter Sam Carchidi (pretty ballsy to ask a known rageaholic to spell retarded for you). If you get a chance, please e-mail Sam for a job well done.

THE END FOR DAVID BOSTON?

Hard to believe David Boston is just 29-years-old. It's been four years since Boston went apeshit on the league, totaling 98 catches for nearly 1,600 yards and 8 TD (Cough... steroids... cough, cough...).

Though, we'll always remember him for getting owned by Charles Woodson in the '97 Ohio State-Michigan game.

Boston was busted for a DUI in Tampa after he "was found slumped over the steering wheel of a red Range Rover on Thursday evening, police said.

The SUV was running and in drive. An officer woke up Boston, who said he was headed to Tampa International Airport."

Smooth Dave. Real smooth.

TWO HAWKEYES ABOUT TO BE JAIL BIRDS

Pop Quiz: What's the first thing you do after getting busted for running a credit card scam?

A: Take down the pictures of you and your boy flashing big face huns on your Facebook account:



Iowa receivers Dominique Douglas (right) and Anthony Bowman (left) didn't make that connection in time.

Well, that's one less game we need to worry about Morgan Trent...

Note: Incredible find from the boys over at The Hawkeye Compulsion.

Late Addition: Speaking of facebook, Marques Slocum really didn't help our defense of athletes' diplomas.

REALEST OF THE WEEK

I'll spare you the "YouTube is the greatest invention ever" speech and just present this montage of late Brazilian soccer referee "Margarida" (Portugese for "daisy" and real name Jorge José Emiliano dos Santos), who looks more like a magical sprite than a ref.

What can you say? The guy was really, really... gay.


Note: A tip of the cap to Sports Rumblings for the discovery and to whoever put together this masterpiece.

WR LEAVES "U" TO DEAL CRACK FULL-TIME

Note to Miami President Donna Shalala: Don't let Randy Shannon speak to the press.

With the Hurricanes' move to Dolphins Stadium becoming national news, another curious decision in Coral Gables has gone completely unnoticed. From the Miami Herald:

Redshirt freshman wide receiver George Robinson has left the Hurricanes.

Coach Randy Shannon said Robinson left the team to pursue another career opportunity.

Another career opportunity? Oh, you mean dealing crack...

Seriously, what legitimate career opportunity does a teenage college dropout come across in Miami?

Come on, coach - is this the best you can come up with? Let's hope Coach Shannon gets his shit squared away before the first player from "The U" gets arrested under his watch, which should be any day now.

And yes, this is now a blog dedicated to the University of Miami.

GOODBYE TO THE O.B.?

It's a sad day for college football fans everywhere, as the Miami Herald is reporting the University of Miami will vote on Tuesday to move from the Orange Bowl to Dolphins Stadium. With no further use, it's only a matter of time until the dump is demolished.

Affectionately known as The O.B., we'd like to bid fairwell to this cesspool by counting down the 10 Greatest Moments in O.B. History:

10. Scott Bentley's National Title FG: Considering FSU's history, this might have been the most clutch kick in college football - ever. The win gave Bobby Bowden his first national championship, which also makes this the worst moment in O.B. history.

9. "Wide Left": Yeah, it was a great game. But the media beat us over the head with, "Get it? They always miss wide right? But this time it was wide left!" Yeah, we got it.

8. Jackie "Stonehaven" Smith: Like #10, also a candidate for the worst moment in Orange Bowl history. Well it was certainly memorable. With a chance to tie Super Bowl XIII with under two minutes left, Smith had the biggest drop in NFL history. The result? This.

7. Lynn's Swann-Like Catch: Can you name one Super Bowl clip before this involving a pass? We didn't think so.

6. "Wide Right III": The game that put Miami back on the map. Have we mentioned how much we hate Florida State?

5. Kellen Winslow Sr. Carried Off The Field: Considered one of the greatest games in NFL history, Winslow was so dehydrated he had to be carried off the field after "The Epic in Miami." Some people still accuse him of grandstanding. If that's the case, Winslow sold us.

4. Kellen Winslow Jr.'s "I'm a F*ckin' Solider!" Speech: To this day, we have no idea what the hell K2 was talking about. Who cares? Not only did he make an ass of himself, this is when the phrase "The U" really caught on. This clip doesn't even include Winslow saying to the media, "Go make your money off that" and a reporter responding, "Oh, we will." Truly a classic.



3. Joe Namath Running Off Field At Super Bowl III: One of the most famous images in NFL history, yet nowhere to be found on Google Images. We never liked you Steve Sabol.

2. Lamar Thomas: "You Don't Come In The O.B. Playin' That Stuff!": Like K2, this is the incoherent rambling of a mad man - and we love it. Poor Lamar was the scapegoat for this fiasco while Brandon Meriweather got suspended one game for stomping on FIU players.



1. Flutie's Hail Mary: Ah, Flutie to Phalen. We have nothing to add to this:

HOLY COW! THEISMANN MUNCHES ON BOX

And to think two years ago, these guys were ESPN's lead broadcasting team for Sunday Night Football.

While watching the Redskins game on Saturday, I couldn't believe my ears: "Did Mike Patrick just say Joe Theismann likes to munch on box?" Without a TiVo available, I thought my question would go unanswered for all eternity. Once again YouTube has come to the rescue.

Papa John's will never taste the same...

ANOTHER REASON BEING AN S.I.D. SUCKS

This video's been almost everywhere, but with just 13 days left until college football arrives, we are chomping at the bit for any Gameday footage.

As if an SID's life isn't miserable enough, Sascha Baron Cohen tricked the 'Bama SID into asking Shaud Williams about taking it in the pooper, presumably in 2003. In his defense, Cohen probably sent the credential request through HBO which is pure genius.

Still, you gotta wonder if that guy still has his job...