Realest of the Year - Honorable Mention

With the end of the year comes the first annual "Realest of the Year" Award. With two weeks still left, let's start with the honorable mention - Minnesota Vikings.

For those of you who have seen Requiem for a Dream:

After reading the account of Fred Smoot's experience, can't you just picture the Vikings standing around as a team going "ASS TO ASS, ASS TO ASS, ASS TO ASS!!!" See, that's the kind of joke the Sports Guy should be able to make. That's funny.

From Deadspin:

The Full Report On The Sex Boat

Fred Smoot: Was seen holding a double-headed dildo and moving the dildo while each end was inserted into the vagina of two women who were lying on the floor near the lounge area of the charter boat. After a period of time, one of the women got up and Mr. Smoot continued to manipulate the dildo inside the other woman.

Daunte Culpepper: Got a “lap dance” from an unidentified, naked female. During this “lap dance,” Mr. Culpepper placed his hands on the naked buttocks of the female dancer.

Moe Williams: [Williams is witnessed] in the area by the downstairs bathrooms receiving a “lap dance,” which involved the “dancer” dancing bare-breasted and Mr. Williams with his hands on and touching the breasts of his female partner.

Bryant McKinnie: [McKinnie is witnessed] pick up a naked woman, place her on the bar in the lounge and commence to perform oral sex on her. … At a different time during the evening, [witnesses] saw Mr. McKinnie along with three other unidentified males receiving oral sex from four women while the men were seated in deck chairs on the boat.

Just a Dumb Fuck

Nothing exactly real about this, the San Francisco 49ers PR guy is just a funny individual. Watch the tape he made for the team, here:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2005/06/01/MNdisclaimer01.DTL

Some of these clips are just boring, but if you watch 3,4,5,6, and 8, you get a pretty good idea why people are really pissed off about this thing (ex: PR guy showing his dick)

A REAL Duets Album

I'm uninspired by the new Biggie Duets album

I'm pretty sure that Biggie would never ever ever have worked with the people that Puffy signed up for this money-making extravaganza

Instead, I propose the following...

A duets album with Biggie and Hov

We can call it: The B.O.A.T. and the G.O.A.T.

Biggie's the best, hov's the greatest

maybe the duets cd can be the soundtrack for fratboy missionaries

Realest of the Week - A Little Delayed

Copyright 2005 Associated Press
All Rights Reserved
Associated Press Online

These materials may not be republished without the express written consent of The Associated Press

October 21, 2005 Friday

SECTION: SPORTS

LENGTH: 111 words

HEADLINE: Larry Bird Inspires Man's Longer Jail Term

DATELINE: OKLAHOMA CITY

BODY:
A man got a prison term longer than prosecutors and defense attorneys had agreed to - all because of Celtics great Larry Bird.

The lawyers reached a plea agreement Tuesday for a 30-year term for a man accused of shooting with an intent to kill and robbery. But Eric James Torpy wanted his prison term to match Bird's jersey number 33.

"He said if he was going to go down, he was going to go down in Larry Bird's jersey," Oklahoma County District Judge Ray Elliott said Wednesday. "We accommodated his request and he was just as happy as he could be.

"I've never seen anything like this in 26 years in the courthouse. But, I know the DA is happy about it."

LOAD-DATE: October 21, 2005

Greatest of all time?

We listen to a lot of rap music...
After listening to so much rap music we have come to the inescapable conclusion that Jay-Z is the greatest of all time...
I'm tired of defending Jay as the greatest
So over the next couple of weeks we will discredit each and every rapper that challenges Jay for the throne...

First up?
Biggie

Here's a sampling of BIG's lyrical prowess...

"I’m in the caravan on my way to maryland
With my man two-tecs to take over this projects
They call him two-tecs, he tote two tecs"

Ahhh...now its clear why they call him two-tecs

Here's my favorite repetitive Jay line...

"You got starch in your flow
I flow too many ways, got a arch in my flow
All sorts of flow, Rembrandt, Rilkey
I am art with the flow
Even if I'm filthy, you gotta pardon the flow"

For future reference, note that Jay then uses the word flow in the next 20 lines of the song

ROC too strong for y'all!!!

A Reward for Visiting Our Blog

Let us expose you to Matt Leinart's Saturday night at Marquee:

http://deadspin.com/sports/college-football/matt-leinarts-big-postheisman-nyc-adventure-143028.php

About to hit another milestone

As we near our 2,000th hit, we just want to thank everyone for continuing to support us (and by everyone, we mean Zubin, Steiny, Laju and Ratner). You stuck with us through a lot of shit, and we appreciate that. We do it for y'all. And even when this site is getting a million hits a day, we'll never forget where we came from and who was there for us. Thanks and please join us in commemorating the 2,000th hit.

Complete Bullshit

How is this guy up for the Weblog Awards and we aren't?

http://boifromtroy.com/

And talk about shameless self-promotion: one of his posts gathering votes is entitled "Rally Behind the Fag!"

(may we also point out the pictures of gay guys riding penis statues and holding their junk in their hands)

Realest of the Week

Tish, who has to be the first person averaging 3 PPG in his career to demand a trade. Note to Donnie Walsh and Larry Bird: Artest for Tish? I think the Pacers would be getting a steal....


Timberwolves Tskitishvili Issues Trade Demand
Dec 9 - One day after criticizing the Timberwolves for not living up to the promises of playing time, Nikoloz Tskitishvili told the St. Paul Pioneer Press Thursday that he wants to be traded. "I understand they're playing really well, but I'm tired," he said. "This is my fourth year. This is a little bit disrespect. You've got to give me a little chance, better than this."
Tskitishvili's agent, Ara Vartanian, said his client appreciates the opportunity the organization gave him, but a trade seems best for all parties.

Food for Thought

1) Go to google
2) Type in "George Bush middle finger" (with quotation marks included)
3) Click on images
4) Explain the photo

Diamonds are Forever!!!!

Diamond Dallas Sues Jay-Z Over 'Diamond Cutter' Hand Sign
12.06.2005 4:31 PM EST

Wrestler claims he invented the two-handed gesture years ago.

Former pro wrestler Diamond Dallas Page is suing Jay-Z, claiming the hip-hop heavyweight has illegally adopted his trademark hand gesture — the "Diamond Cutter" — as his own.

The suit, filed in Los Angeles Federal Court on Friday, accuses Jay-Z and Roc-A-Fella Records of trademark and copyright infringement as well as misappropriation of the hand symbol. Page is seeking an injunction (meaning Jay-Z would be prohibited from using the gesture) and unspecified monetary damages.

Page's lawyer, George Gallegos, said Diamond Dallas (born Page Falkinberg) brought the legal action against the Def Jam CEO in order to protect his livelihood.

"People would come up to him and ask him if he was letting Jay-Z use it or if he had licensed it to him," Gallegos said of the symbol, which he claims his client created in 1996 and copyrighted years ago. "People [would also] say he's using Jay-Z's sign."

On the cover of Page's new book, "Yoga for Regular Guys: The Best Damn Workout on the Planet!," he can be seen sporting a T-shirt of the hand gesture. On his Web site, the same image can be seen above the words "A symbol of excellence since 1996."


Gallegos said he first took the hand-gesture matter directly to Jay's lawyers, but they were not receptive, saying that the real issue was how Diamond Dallas was using Jay's symbol inappropriately. Gallegos said he provided the rapper's people with magazine covers, various Dallas merchandise and video footage dating back to the mid-1990s showing Page throwing the "Cutter."

"If you look at [Jay-Z's] 'Encore' video you can see fans using the 'Diamond Cutter' sign, and in video of Diamond Dallas ... if you only looked at the fans from both those tapes, you'd think it's the same person performing," Gallegos said. "Jay-Z and Roc-A-Fella Records use this symbol to promote themselves, to promote their artists, to promote their music and to promote their fanbase. People have come to recognize [Page by this symbol], and the way that it's being used by Jay-Z and Roc-A-Fella is taking value away from it and creating confusion upon the public."

Jay-Z's attorney, Michael Guido, could not be reached for comment. Calls to Jay-Z's label for comment were not returned.