STRAIGHT CA$H, HOMEY

Or should it be, "Cash Rules Everything Around Me"?

Since The Sports Guy recently labeled Jessica Alba's husband Cash Warren "The Luckiest Man on the Face of the Earth" we asked ourselves, "Who the shit is this dude?"

Upon further review, we concur. Let us count the ways:

• HE'S MARRIED TO JESSICA ALBA. Just chew on that for a second longer.

• His name is Cash. Normally we'd say he's just some rich snot-nosed brat and that he should be ridiculed for his name, but not when...

• His dad is Mike Warren. Never heard of him? Oh, he was just an All-American PG at UCLA that won 2 national titles (1967, 1968) with a guy named Lew Alcindor. So yeah, he's probably got Kareem and John Wooden on speed dial at home.

• Born with those genes, Cash was good enough to play basketball at his preppy private school (Crossroads) in LA. That itself doesn't mean dick. But it just-so-happens that while he's there, none other than Baron Davis "transfers" to his high school. Of course, they become best friends and now Cash and Jess sit courtside for all Clippers games (OK, that is NOT awesome).

• Yale graduate. Yawn.

• Looking for a career in film, his actor-dad hooks him up as the director's assistant on "Fantastic Four" - skipping about 10 years in the film profession. Oh yeah, and that's where he met Alba.

• His latest project? Producing the new Baron Davis' documentary "Crips and Bloods: Made in America" - because, you know, as a half-black man, he's worried about the direction of today's African-American youth.

So yeah, life is good if you're Cash Warren. And shitty if you're this guy.