Apologies to the good people over at Black Heart Gold Pants, but Iowa stumbles in at No. 9 on The Realests' Big Ten countdown. Once THE hot candidate for an NFL job, shit has gone haywire the last two years for Kirk Ferentz, on and off the field (see below):

2007 Preview: Here
2007 Record: 6-6 (4-4)
Projected 2008 Finish: 9th
Returning Starters: 15
Head Coach: Kirk Ferentz
Best Player: DT Mitch King

Good News:

- Like Indiana, this schedule is a disgrace. No Michigan or Ohio State and cupcakes against FIU and I-AA Maine, where Ferentz got his first gig. Asking favors from your old programs - are you really getting that desperate Kirk?

- JuCo transfer Nate Guillory sounds like the real deal. There shouldn't be too much of a drop-off despite the graduation of Albert Young.

- People are saying sophomore WR Derrell Johnson-Koulianos - "DJK" as the cool kids call him - is the next Steve Breaston. So does that mean he will get worse every year?

- Somehow Ferentz has built another top-notch D-Line with corn-fed whities. DTs Matt Kroul and Mitch King are the strength of this team.

Not-So-Good News:

- The Iowa City prison needs to open an H-block for all the criminals on this team. The blame has been unfairly pinned squarely on Ferentz, but patience is thin when you're losing.

- Jake Christensen: Yikes. Four of his last 5 games were complete disasters, including a 20-37, 2 INT clunker in a loss to 4-7 Western Michigan.

- We'll say it again: There's just too many white dudes for us to take this program seriously. Nine white starters on offense - what is this, the Ivy League?

- The O-Line and wide receivers were a complete disaster in 2007 after mastermind WRs Dominique Douglas (pictured) and Anthony Bowman got busted for a credit card scam. Last year's second-leading receiver James Cleveland? Oh yeah, he got the boot too. Everyone is counting on improvement simply because these guys are a year older. Yeah, so is Joe Paterno. What's your point?

- The secondary was also dismal last year and they lost both CBs. The replacements both sat out the spring with injuries. It's slim pickins here too, folks.


Things have gotten downright ugly in Iowa City and the natives are restless. People are calling for Kirk Ferentz's head, something unthinkable just two years ago (hence the contract to - gulp - 2012). After going 31-7 from 2002-04, the Hawkeyes are just 19-18 the last two seasons.

How sad is this? Despite the fact they don't play OSU or Michigan, we're still picking the Hawkeyes 9th! We don't see how anyone that witnessed last year's season finale could pick them any higher: With a bowl bid on the line, Iowa got rocked by a dreadful Western Michigan team at home. Down 19-0 at one point, Hawkeye fans booed mercilessly. Expect more of the same this year.


Oops Pow Surprise said...

Listen pal, the SEC was all white in the 50s and 60s, and they did pretty well for themselves.

Buncha racists up in here.

Hawkeye State said...

Wait, we only have 9 white starters on offense? Who are the other two?

bucketochicken said...

Meh. James Caldwell was a nobody anyway.

Iamadirtyoldman said...

I'm so sad that all of this is true. So sad...

Mick said...

DD is a cubs fan, nice!

Anonymous said...

I think you're an ethnic thumbsucker.

But in regard to football, we might be plodding and atonishingly predictable on offense, but we ain't stupid. So we're good for seventh, sure, seventh.

Guillory will get like 3-4 carries a game, btw. You blew that call. Iowa doesn't play backs who don't block. Because if the back doesn't block in our world? The quarterback gets decapitated. Guillory is so small, he gets carded at the movies.