It's that time of year again, people.

Throw away your Lindy's, your Sporting News, and most definitely your Phil Steele college football specials - The Realests Big Ten Preview has arrived. After our basketball preview ran a month over schedule, we're kicking off the football outlook on this glorious July 1st.

Get hyped!

2007 Preview:
2007 Record: 1-11 (0-8)
Projected 2008 Finish: 11th
Returning Starters: 17
Head Coach: Tim Brewster
Best Player: WR Eric Decker

Good News:

- Somehow, some way, Punky Brewster brought in a (JuCo heavy) top 20 recruiting class, including stud QB MarQueis Gray. Overheard in Minnesota's football offices: "Ron, I'm gonna need you to lend me those hookers..."

- We mocked it last year, but TCF Bank Stadium is actually really coming along! Maybe it's a little late for this, but what's going to appeal to recruits about playing in sub-zero temperatures again?

Not-So-Good News:

- This team lost to D-II North Dakota State last year at home!

- As sad as it sounds, Minnesota was lucky to be 1-11. Miami (OH) shanked a 33-yard field goal that would have put Minny at 0-12.

- Tim Brewster brought in the spread offense but forgot to design a defense. The Gophers finished dead last (119th) in total D. Minnesota's big offseason move: Hiring fired Duke head coach Ted Roof to close the flood gates. BTW, Duke finished 92nd in total defense last year. Good luck with that...

- Three starters on the offensive line are gone. This just in: blocking is important in the spread offense.

- 2006 standout CB Dominic Jones is in jail for the next four years. But hey, he should be jacked for his 2012 return!


As often happens, the Minnesota athletic department got greedy and canned Glen Mason after another mediocre season 2006. Brewster booted three defensive players before his first game and pretty much bent over and grabbed his ankles for the rest of the year. The Gophers put up some points with the spread offense but the Swiss Cheese defense couldn't stop anybody.

Brewster has taken the Ron Zook route and recruited like crazy in hopes of a miraculous turnaround. Sadly, this won't be the year. Expect the Gophers to close out the Metrodome in style with another dead-last finish.


Anonymous said...

I took them on the spread against Fla Atlantic last year , and saw their vaunted defense give up almost 600 yards and then the offense only turned the ball over 7 fucking times! Never make that mistake again.

empmngopher said...

attempt at being witty on 1-10 scale. 8.6

reading comprehension 0.8

"2006 standout CB Dominic Jones is in jail for the next four years"

What did you miss about the "stayed" part of the sentence?

D. Jones was booted off the team and has no chance of returning.