JEN WALCOTT: THE WORLD'S HOTTEST WAG

The World's Hottest WAG polls are officially closed.

We planned on announcing the winner yesterday but things were so close between Walcott and Cheryl Cole that we didn't want a 2000-like debacle on our hands as we sifted through hanging chads for a winner.

It was like a heavyweight bout between these two, who slugged it out round after round as the momentum just kept changing on a dime.

But it's now official: Playboy's Miss August 2001, Jennifer Walcott, is the people's choice for World's Hottest WAG - proving once again that it's Adam Archuleta's world, and the rest of us are just livin' in it (apologies for butchering this phrase earlier).

Walcott prevailed by taking 26.7% of the vote to Cole's 24.7%.

Thanks to the thousands of perverts that turned out to the polls, resulting in a voting frenzy beyond our wildest expectations.

Now please don't turn into cyber stalkers like this psycho.

And most of all, congrats to the happy couple, who are engaged and raising their new-born son in Arizona. We're sure Arch Deluxe already has the young tyke on a furious power lifting program in preparation for the 2030 NFL combine.

As a special tip of the cap, we'd like to offer the family a $5 gift certificate to any Chuck E. Cheese in the continental United States (not redeemable after 11/1/08).

It's the least we can do.

Editor's Note: You have no idea how proud it makes us to be No. 1 on Google when you search for "World's Hottest WAG."

We made it ma! Top of the World! TOP OF THE WORLD!!!