GLOBAL ICON?

LeBron James has his eyes set on being the greatest basketball player ever. He wants to surpass all expectations, crush his competition, demolish all records. In his own words, he wants to become a "global icon."

Well, he's gonna have to put all that all on hold until he pulls Stephon Marbury's foot out of his ass.

Via True Hoop:

Before the game, James took a little shot at Marbury's $14.98 kicks, saying he couldn't imagine endorsing a sneaker that cheap.

"No, I don't think so," James said. "Me being with Nike, we hold our standards high."

Marbury, who is friendly with James, was lacing up his Starburys before the game when informed of LeBron's comment. He thought about it for a moment and said, "I'd rather own than be owned."

Oh, and Marbury hit a clutch three with less than a minute to go in regulation to ice the game for the Knicks.

In the last couple of years LeBron has become a little too self-aware. Actually, self-aware isn't the right word. He's turned into a douchebag. The Realests are completely on Marbury's side in this whole thing - especially since Ben Wallace also signed up with Marbury to push the low-cost sneakers.

Maybe The King's head has gotten a little too big for his crown...

KENNY ROGERS PULLING A PRIMOZ?

There are certain things for which we demand an answer. For example, one of the headlines on ESPN.com right now says "Tigers place lefty Rogers on 15-day DL". Inside the story, it matter-of-factly says Rogers is suffering from a tired arm.

Hey, isn't this like when Primoz Brezec missed the start of the NBA season due to exhaustion?

We feel like we're taking crazy pills.

POLL: WHO WENT OUT WITH MORE STYLE?

By now, we're certain everyone has seen the clip of O.J. Mayo finishing his high school career with a dunk, toss, technical foul and ejection. Combined with the music from "Friday Night Lights," the crowd going nuts and O.J. hugging his coaches, does the clip remind anyone else of "Rudy"?

Varun, for one, broke down in tears the first time he saw both.

Which brings us to this blog post. Who finished their career with more style: O.J. or Rudy?




O.J. Mayo


For O.J.: Clearly O.J. Mayo capped his career in much grander fashion than Rudy did.

It's a hip-hop world folks and O.J. will come to epitomize everything that mainstream America hates about hip-hop and we love about hip-hop.

There's simply nothing better.

You want grandstanding? I think a self-alley-oop should do the trick.

You want disrespect? How about a self-alley-oop with your team safely ahead at the end of the game.

You want complete lack of respect for the game? How about throwing the ball into the stands with time still remaining in the game.

All those things are great - but what truly separates great men from good men is the ability to have others overlook their flaws.

And, well, Mayo's coach hugging him after that display speaks volumes. You may not know it, but O.J. Mayo is the best thing to ever happen to sports. Real. - VS

Rudy Ruettiger


For Rudy: Where do I start?

80,000 people chanting his name in unison.

The last player carried off the field at Notre Dame Stadium.

Four years of blood, sweat and tears finally paying off.

Jon Favreau screaming, "Who's the wild man now?!?!"

One of the few athletes recognized by his first name alone, joining the likes of O.J. (the other O.J.) Michael, Magic & Dan and Dave.

Who cares he did it at Notre Dame? Rudy T. is the greatest ending to a career and the greatest ending to a movie ever. - JW

REALEST OF THE WEEK: RON ARTEST

Really, what week COULDN'T Ron Artest be Realest of the Week? But thanks to Dime Magazine and a tip from Rick Reilly, Artest has been given a new forum for his stupidity as an advice columnist in a new segment called "Ask Ron-Ron" accompanied by this photo and intro:

"In this edition, the Tru Warier handles reader questions on everything from baby mama drama to rolling with Stephen Jackson to popping the big question."

Just a couple samples from his last piece:

Ron-Ron, what’s your favorite quote? – Kevin
Artest: My favorite quote is “I’ma smack the [expletive] out of you.”

Ron, I’m thinking about popping the question to my girl. How should I do it? – Calvin
Artest: "First you gotta have sex one last time, you know, and tell her you love her."

WHICH JACK HAS YOUR BACK?

Seeing the entire first season of “Lost” in the last week has caused another rift in the apartment. The question: “Which Jack would you rather have for your back?”

Well, not straight up. That’s obviously Bauer.

Instead, the question is this: If deserted on an island (any island, not necessarily the one they are on in Lost), would you rather have Jack Shepherd, Locke and Sayid OR Jack Bauer and two goons from a tag team (it’s a given the tag team would be dead within 24 hours).

Still, Varun pulled a shocker and picked the stars of Lost over the star of 24. His reasoning: Jack is a doctor, Sayid is a soldier just like Bauer, and you need someone crazy as Locke to survive.

Like Elisha Cuthbert, Varun also points out that anyone that gets close to Bauer dies.

For me, it comes down to this: I’d rather have Bauer’s promise than Shepherd’s promise.

When Shepherd promised Boone he would save him, he broke down crying and struggled with the decision to cut off his leg. Bauer executed Chapelle without blinking an eye. That's the kind of confidence I like in my leader.

Also, every time Bauer promises he will explain everything once the ordeal is over, I believe him.

And I also take comfort in the fact that any time I freaked out, it's guaranteed Bauer will scream “Do you trust me?!?!” in my face until it turns blue.



OR

OH CAPTAIN, MY CAPTAIN???

First off, let me make this clear: I will never, EVER give up on the Rudy T. movement.

But I have to admit it hit a huge speed bump today when I called his agent, Jesse Brown, in an effort to speak with the legend himself.

First the agent gives me the run-around routine about Rudy being busy scouting for the Lakers.

Once I pushed a little more, I get this generic quote e-mailed to me from the agent via Rudy: "I admire and respect Coach Amaker and the job he has done at Michigan. I am encouraged that the program is headed in a positive direction. I will always pull for and support the Michigan Wolverines."

Real ground-breaking journalism.

At this point, I finally caved and told him that Ann Arbor is about to go post-apocalyptic unless "T" comes back to coach.

Apparently, I ruffled some feathers as Jesse shot back, "That's exactly the kind of thing Rudy doesn't want to be involved in. He has no intention of coaching as of now."

Needless to say, it's a sad, sad day. What are troops supposed to do when we find out our leader doesn't want us?

APRIL FOOLS, BITCHES!!!!!!!!!

Bwahahahahahah!!!!

Xavier Henry is NOT coming to Michigan you doofus.

Seriously, what the hell were you thinking???

We can barely get moppy-haired paper boys like Matt Vogrich to come to Michigan and here you think we just landed the top recruit in the country?

Get real.

FREEP HOLLERS AT RUDY T. MOVEMENT

Everyone make sure to get Sunday's edition of the Detroit Free Press and check out the candidates box.

According to a reliable source, along with the early favorites like Billy Gillespie, Reggie Theus and John Beilein, is our favorite darkhorse: Rudolph Tomjanovich Jr.

Like we said, all we've wanted to do from the start is create a buzz for Rudy T. and have him considered as a candidate.

On top of that is a notebook on UM hoops that includes a shoutout to hirerudyt.blogspot.com:

U-M blog pleads for Rudy T.

The stated mission of hirerudyt.blogspot.com is to "make Michigan basketball relevant again" by hiring U-M alumnus and Hamtramck native Rudy Tomjanovich as the Wolverines' next basketball coach.

The site hopes to amass 4,500 signatures -- an homage to Rudy T.'s No. 45 jersey at Michigan -- on its online petition to support the hiring of the former Rockets and Lakers coach.

It had 252 Saturday night.

A big congrats to everyone involved in the movement, there are much bigger things planned come Monday...

REGGIE THEUS FOR HIRE

I'm still driving the Rudy T. bandwagon, but how impressed were you with Reggie Theus tonight?

I'm telling you: this guy is a rich man's Tommy Amaker.

Plus, imagine how many "Hang Time" headlines the Daily could work with...

Did anyone see the black on black on black he was wearing tonight? Strictly class. If one year he has done more with New Mexico State than Amaker has done in six years with Michigan.

And you think Amaker has a good recruiting class already?

Just imagine this starting lineup next year:

PG: Jerret Smith
SG: The Chick
SF: DeShawn Sims
PF: Ekpe Udoh
C: Anthony Anderson

6th man: Alex "The Devil" Legion
7th man: Manny Harris

THE WRIGHT STUFF

Hot off the presses...The Realests upset special. Last year we predicted Northwestern State pulling off a shocker...and they did.

As of right now, everyone is on the Winthrop bandwagon - and we can't blame them. Those kids are good, talented, and they play hard every night. But we take the road less traveled - Real Avenue.

This year our pick might surprise some of you - but as you know, we are on the cutting edge of everything that you care about, so you should listen to us.

This years pick is...Wright State. Wright it down in permanent market. Holla.

ZUBINO ON 24: WHY, AARON? WHY?

Pressed for time this week, so we're going with bullet points:

• R.I.P. Woodley, Sr.
• If “24” somehow had a voice and wanted to boast, like we do here at The Realests, it would quote this Jay-Z line: “Ahem, Allow me to re-introduce myself...”
• 24 has totally redeemed itself after having the worst 5 weeks its ever had. They brought back old characters (even if it was just for one episode). It was good to see our main man, Aaron Pierce back on the scene, but sad that he’s fallen in love with a basket case. It’s kind of like when you enjoy the Wolverines winning a tournament, and then you realize it’s the NIT.
• The plot to assassinate President Palmer was created by the Russians who are putting all the blame on the Arabs.
• Is the Vice President that stupid? Starting a war with a country that has nothing to do with the assassination attempt on the President or… were the people that planned the assassination that smart?
• Varun should take bad all the bad stuff he’s said about 24
• Logan has no more vagina-neck!
• I would also like to send my condolences out to Woodley. I really didn’t like that stupid dog, but after the 24 writers killed off his dad… I feel kind of bad.
• Big-Ups to Jeff Rogers and Ben Weinstein.

ONE SHINING MOMENT

The NCAA Tournament kicks off tomorrow and we're about to be dominated by two weeks worth of stories about passion, hunger, unselfishness, triumph over adversity, and heart. Frankly, being NBA fans, those stories make us sick. So, to bring everyone back to realety, we unearthed this video from the archives. (Note: we have no idea what on earth is going on at the end of the video).

Ladies and Gentlemen, Ricky Davis attempting to achieve a triple double:



Bonus Video: Ricky kicking Steve Nash in the head.



In R We Trust.

WU-TANG TRIVIA

Q: Why can't you party your life away, drink your life away, smoke your life away, fuck your life away, dream your life away, scheme your life away?

WHAT IT'S LIKE... HAVING A RONI

So I’m sitting at work yesterday prepping for Sims-Oden III when my boss calls me into his office and lays my ass off. If you haven’t experienced it folks, let me tell you, it’s very much like being executed. They just picked us off one after one while we were sitting at our desk. You unexpectedly walk into a room with four big wigs waiting for you, and within five minutes, you need a new job and a clean pair of shorts.

What chapped my ass the most is that I almost didn’t even enjoy watching Oden dropping bows on Vagina Face for 40 minutes. Hopefully, it’s Tivoed.

The good news is that this gives me more time to blog. The bad news is that I hate myself.

But don’t worry, Varun is here for me. He keeps telling me I need to get back on the horse. Of course, I keep reminding him that I’m not a gymnast. To be honest, the only thing that's keeping me going right now is knowing someone in Cary, NC still believes in me.

The only way you, loyal reader, can help me now is by pushing for Rudy T. awareness and getting people to sign the petition.

It’s my last wish…

SIMS-ODEN III - 'NUFF SAID

Seriously folks, take a second to appreciate what you are about to witness as a Michigan Fan.

It's like "The Rumble in the Jungle" and "The Thrilla in Manilla" all rolled into one – except it’s in Chicago and without Muhammad Ali.

But trust us. In 50 years, you'll be telling your grandkids exactly where you were when, just one week after being stripped of his manhood, Sims made one of the greatest NBA centers of all time his bitch.

Yeah, I said it.

Go Blue.

ODENATOR VS. VAGINA FACE III:
"LAST CHANCE TO DANCE"

TOM BRADY: SHAWN KEMP OF THE NFL?

Apparently, Brady has another child on the way with Gisele Bundchen. We don't normally put much stock into Brazilian websites, but who knows what to believe now? Let's hope for TB's sake (and sanity) that it isn't true.

REALEST OF THE WEEK

If you got a chance to see last night’s Cavs-Pistons game, you witnessed one of the greatest acts of showmanship ever by Cleveland coach Mike Brown.

After LeBron’s buzzer-beater that didn’t actually beat the buzzer, Brown take off like a madman and waved his arms wildly to get his team in the locker room before the play could be reviewed.

It was like a third grader trying to replicate the Derek Fisher shot against the Spurs.

Rumor has it that it took 5 minutes to get the Cavs back on the court because Brown barricaded the locker room door and was loading his stuff on the bus.

And second of all, I never want to hear about Tayshaun Prince’s defense ever again after LeBron schooled him with five seconds to go. I think Hooper would have had a better chance guarding him.

Oh yeah, and Bill Simmons can suck it too.

Quick hits:

- Please observe a moment of silence for Michigan women’s hoops coach Cheryl Burnett. Coming in with expectations of Final Fours, she makes Tommy Amaker look like Adolf Rupp.

- As Scott Bell points out, what have we done to deserve a Sims-Oden III in a span of two months? The odds are almost as long as winning the $350M mega-lottery we got screwed out of winning Wednesday.

ANOTHER REASON THE DAILY IS REAL

To give you an idea of how mundane my life is now, I print out magazine stories to read at lunch. I've even thought about doing Sudoke on my train ride.

But that's neither here nor there. Check out this excerpt from an Esquire feature on Ann Arbor's own Iggy Pop:

I had a nickname that I couldn't escape around town and it was torture. Then my band opened for Blood, Sweat & Tears. I think the entire band got fifty dollars total. But we had a lot of new ground. And afterward a huge piece was written about us in The Michigan Daily. In this story, the writer calls me Iggy.

I was like, Oh, fuck. We got all this press, but they're calling me Iggy. What could I do? I knew the value of publicity. So I put a little "Pop" on the end.

Took me thirty years to make what I wanted out of the name.

It's not nearly as cool as The Claw and I'd be even prouder if we had mispelled the name, but it still brings a tear to my eye.

IT'S FINALLY HERE: SIMS-ODEN II

ODENATOR VS. VAGINA FACE


With all due respect to Bavetta v. Barkley, this is the fight of the century.

Realests Prediction: Sims goes for a triple-double (Blocks, Rebounds and Punches to Oden's face), Michigan wins 56-52 and heads to the Big Dance!!!!

ZUBINO ON 24: RETURN OF WOODROW SR.

The Great Zubino
Realests Correspondent

Charles Logan is back on the scene, but we don't know if it's for good or not. He says he wants to do something good for the country and is underlining passages from the bible but you can’t teach old dogs new tricks. Let’s hope he doesn’t reek havoc like his canine counter-part - Woodrofolous. And surprise-surprise… Wayne Palmer is going to be out of action for a while. He’ll be alive, but I don’t think he’ll be back for the rest of the day… maybe next season. With the Vice in office, all hell is going to break loose and we all know Bauer entering the Russian Embassy just spells trouble. Doesn't he remember why he was in a Chinese prison for 2 years?!?! It’s also just a matter of time before Buchanon, Nadia, Karen become subplots and something happens to them. The season is yet to develop those people. Holla.