To Live and Die in LA

So I went out to LA because I can't hack it here in The City. Here are my observations from the trip.
- Asian people love McDonald's. Yesterday at the airport, there were about 50 Asians on my flight from Los Angeles to Las Vegas and every single one of them was downing McDonald's.It was like a nightmare with no explanation. But then I realized maybe it does: McDonald's was probably the only food place they recognized in the airport and thus, they all stuffed their faces there. Or Asian people love McDonald's.
- Las Vegas is pure evil. Touching down in Las Vegas, I didn't quite realize how ridiculous the city was. I could see Paris, Seattle and New York from the window. When I got off the plane, there were slot machines everywhere. That didn't surprise me. But what did surprise me is that they weren't just next to all the shops, they were even in the waiting area for the planes. I wanted to go over and just shake an old lady that was throwing away her money. Just one long, hard shake. To get her mind right.
- A completely ridiculous event happened while I was getting off the plane at Newark. This event included four people:
Fat Black Husband (FBH)
Fat Black Wife (FBW)
Old White Lady (OWL)
Old Lady's Daughter (OLD)
Being in the back of the plane, it took forever for people to file off the plane. So people were pretty impatient when it was finally our turn to leave. The OWL and OLD were a rough in front of me, FBH and FBW. Right when I start to get out of my seat, FBW makes a run for it and tries to get around OWL. The OLD completely flips out and gives a very stern, "That's my mother". The best part is that OLD, in her rage, accidentally knocked FBH back into his chair. His fall was slow-motion, like when you see those guys on video get hit in the chest with a cannon ball. And he made a small whimper like a small dog that had been kicked. Poor guy.
- Completely unrelated to the trip, I had a very symbolic dream last night. It was a little confusing, but I think Michigan was playing at Washington in a nonconference game at the beginning of the season. For reasons that will soon become apparent, the game was being played in the street. This time we were down about 10 with just a couple minutes to go. Washington had the ball in our territory and everyone was expecting Michigan to pull the last-gasp-effort-that-isn't-quite-enough routine. But instead Lloyd Carr substituted the Marching Band for the Michigan defense. When Washington hiked the ball, our band started marching toward our own end zone while playing some song. Washington just followed our band into the end zone and the game was over. It was the ultimate coot player in a long history of cooterball. It was the apocolypse of Michigan football.