A GLOBAL WANG-MEASURING CONTEST

If prostitution is the world's oldest profession, then wang measuring is its oldest sport.

And while this has gone widely unnoticed, there is an arms race going on between the phallic symbols known as skyscrapers that could one day result in World War III.

We were quite disturbed to learn that the Freedom Tower, originally planned to be the tallest building in the world, has already been surpassed by buildings in South Korea and Dubai, which are both in progress.

The Burj Dubai (pictured... by the way, doesn't this look like Oz?) is currently the tallest building in the world under construction, and will reportedly be a staggering 2,650 feet, compared to the 1,776 feet for the Freedom Tower.

Under no circumstance can we allow a city-state to say their dong is 1,000 feet bigger than ours!

President Bush needs to respond with a building at least... 3 times as big... if we are going to still be considered a world power.

Secondly, where is Africa in all of this? Granted, it's going to be tough for them to come up with $1 billion and the engineering there isn't nearly as top-notch, but I say they just start with a quarter-mile base and build until the thing starts falling apart.

They could just call it Whosgotthebigdicknowbitch Tower - former Michigan WR David Terrell would be proud.