Poor Bruce Weber. The guy's so desperate after letting blue chip recruits like Eric Gordon, Derrick Rose and Jon Scheyer (who now sucks, by the way) slipping out of his grasp that he's taken on Alex Legion.

We've already talked about him plenty here at The Realests and you've certainly heard about his mama, who loves talking college hoops with God (yes, The God).

This can only end badly. We foresee one of the following scenarios unfolding within the next year:

#1) Legion becomes BFFs with football stud Arrelious Benn and gets busted in a recruiting sex orgy thrown by Ron Zook for next year's incoming class. The sextape gets leaked onto the internet in which Benn and Legion take turns snorting coke off a stripper's ass.

#2) Legion goes Kermit Washington on Heir Jordan and sucker punches him in the face in practice, breaking Jordan's face in 38 places. Jeff ends up looking like Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky and has to wear a facial prosthetic during games on top of a standard Rip Hamilton facemask. With almost 0 visibility, he finishes as a 3.2% shooter from the field and disgraces the family name.

#3) In two weeks, Legion calls Bruce Weber a "homo" for wearing the orange jacket and transfers to Southern Miss to play for party machine Larry Eustachy, who he considers a father figure.

#4) Legion calls Weber a homo (obviously, we think the chances of this are very high) and transfers to West Virginia. Unable to steal from WVU, Bill Martin looses his mind and spends the rest of his days getting fed tapioca pudding in the UM hospital.

#5) Legion never shows up in Champaign and instead sits out the year to prep for the NBA Draft. Legion's mom receives divine messages that there will be dire consequences if Legion is not taken with the No. 1 overall pick. After going undrafted, locusts mysteriously wipe out half the earth's population.

Let's hope it's one of the first four...

Bruce, what have you done???

1 comment:

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