At long last, we break down the hiring of Rich Rodriguez in typical Realest fashion, which we give two enthusiastic thumbs up:

- Go ahead and say it: Black quarterback. It feels so good when it hits your lips!

Obviously no real journalist can write about how exciting this is, but Dec. 17, 2007 will go done in history as the date the Michigan QB color barrier came down. This isn't just a big day for Michigan, it's a big day for civil rights, people. Now let's not get too excited about Terrelle Pryor, but man this kid is sick. If we steal him from tOSU, you can officially score it as Rodriguez 1, Tressel 0. Insert obligatory YouTube clip here:

- I can't remember the last time I wore my Michigan hoody with pride. Losing 6 out of 7 to Ohio State seems like a distant memory and we can just laugh like Little Cletus about the upcoming slaughter to Florida.

I think the reaction of Ohio State fans to Rod's hire says it all. For weeks, my Buckeye brethren have been hounding me with text messages and phone calls ridiculing the apparent inevitability of Les Miles at Michigan. The reaction now? A bunch of text messages that just say, "Good hire." Yeah, they know Michigan-Ohio State just turned into a rivalry again.

- Bill Martin, you deserve a nice vacation - go sail around the world or something. We give our AD lots of and lots of shit, but this move just saved Michigan football. He updated to the 21st century and went outside the Michigan "family" - both viewed as necessary by Wolverine fans. Count us among the many that didn't think Martin had the walnuts to do either.

- Toodles Ryan Mallett and Mario Manningham. OK, Manningham was already gone (the early over/under for him running out of bounds in the Capital One Bowl is 12).

As for Mallett, you've got to feel bad for the kid. He came to Michigan thinking he'd be the next Tom Brady, showed some real flashes his freshman year, and now looks shit out of luck.

If Mallett was going to be a senior, this wouldn't be a problem. Rodriguez would adjust his offense and then have His Guy ready for Year 2. But with 3 years of eligibility left, why would Mallett want to be stuck in an offense that has 0 use for him as rumors swirl about getting benched for a blue chip QB that fits the system.

We predict Mallett will wind up at Arkansas (pig sooey!) or Texas, where he'd only to have to sit behind Colt McCoy for one year at most.

- No more "Us vs. The World" after a loss. The stories I've heard about Lloyd Carr make him a better man than even sappy columnists are now potraying him out to be. But I was sick and tired of his, "100 losses won't keep me down" BS. Get pissed for once, Lloyd! Although no good can ever come out of a loss to Dave Wannstedt, at least Rodriguez took it like a man.

- Is Rodriguez a little bit of a dirt bag? Yes.
The names Pacman Jones and Chris Henry will follow Rodriguez forever, both of which he brought into Morgantown. And we've already blogged about criminal mastermind Pat Lazear, who ripped off a "Smoothie King" in Bethesda, Md. as a senior in high school and still got a scholarship to WVU.

While it reflects poorly on Rodriguez, this is a non-issue in regards to the hire. Bill Martin will be paranoid about keeping Michigan's good name; discipline will always be appropriate and no Pacmans will ever set foot in Ann Arbor.

- Michigan: 2009 National Champions. You heard it hear first. Led by the dynamic backfield of Armanti Edwards and Noel Devine, Michigan averages 700 rushing yards and 65 points per game en route to their 12th national championship. Book your tickets for Pasadena now, people.

- Thanks Herbstreit! I'm sure this topic will be beaten to death elsewhere, so we just want to give a big pat on the back to Herby for being the savior of Michigan football by turning the Les Miles interview process into a debacle.

Given the Bill Martin sailing story, we'll never know if Herbstreit is actually responsible for blowing up the Miles deal. Who cares? We get goose bumps thinking about upsetting tOSU next year, then watching Bucknuts heckle Herbstreit on the GameDay set afterward.

- Willie the Wolverine??? Rumors swirled last year that Willie Williams almost ended up at WVU. Could we be so lucky to see him in the maize and blue???? Hey, a Realest came dream...

- Hurt recruiting? Are you kidding? Lloyd Carr was a hell of a recruiter and he certainly left plenty of talent for Rod to work with - albeit lots of talent that doesn't necessarily fit Rod's system. Lloyd's incoming recruits - namely Kenny Demens, Sam McGuffie and "Boobie" Cissoko (OK, we just made that nickname up) all seem on board - and by the reaction of Pryor, who knows the kind of offensive talent we could end up with by February.

- A quick apology to all the Ray-Rays, Billy-Rays, Billy-Bobs, Billy-Joes and Billy-Johns (Billy-anything really) in West Virginia. Wasn't it bad enough when we beat the Mountaineers 130-0 in 1904? Now we had to go out and take their basketball and football coach? Hey, it's nothing personal Mounty fans. You know, we have always wanted a mascot... Eh forgot it, you can keep him.


Jackwraith said...

Uh, guys. I got news for ya. The 'color barrier' for QBs at Michigan came down a long time ago, most notably with Dennis Franklin in the early 70s who went 30-2-1 and Demetrius Brown and Michael Taylor (87-89) who actually platooned at QB for a season.

Anonymous said...

Color barrier? What the fuck are you talking about? You must have never watched us in the 1970s or 1980s.

Anonymous said...

Michigan made a real mistake with this coach. First of all, look at the NFL and Michigan's qbs: Brady, Grbac, Collins, Navarre, Harbaugh, Guitierez. Michigan has always had NFL prospects at qb. Now look at Vince Young, Cordell, Vick, Trevarius Jackson, Cleo Lemons... Failures. The dual threat qb is a fad. QB is the only job in the NFL that requires at least a modicum of intelligence and while the brothers can run, jump and dance, they sho nuff aint too smot.

Secondly, we already have enough thugs in college football. Rodriquez is going to have Ann Arbor looking like Highland Park. Best hide the white womens and start carrying a weapon. I see a crime wave coming er.. I should say, a lot of successful inner-city recruiting.

Anonymous said...