7.19.2006

COLLEGE FOOTBALL "ALL-NAME TEAM"

With the launch of NCAA Football 2007 yesterday, college football has officially begun.

Unfortunately, you never know what your players' names are. So you know what you're missing out on, we put together the 2006 College Football All-Name Team for the most coincidental, absurd and obnoxious names in all of Division I-A.

Update: Upon further review, SMU TE Vincent Chase has been replaced by MSU's Kyle Sackrider on the All-Name Team. Sorry Vince...

STARRING:





&


OFFENSE:

QB: Jim Bob Cooter (Tennessee) - the gold standard for student-athletes
RB: Richie Rich (North Carolina)
RB: Jimmy Johns (Alabama)
WR: De'Cody Fagg (Florida State)
WR: Darius Passmore (Marshall)
TE: Kyle Sackrider (Michigan State) - that's just unfortunate...
OL: Shelley Smith (Colorado State) - Don't say it - asshole...
OL: Joe Girardi (Miami) - Marlins manager doubling as UM lineman???
OL: Joseph Joseph (Louisiana-Monroe) - not a lot of creativity in this one...
OL: Hercules Satele (Hawaii)
OL: Jason Alexander (San Diego State)

DEFENSE:

DL: Colin Ferrell (Kent State)
DL: Avery Hannibal (Mississippi State) - gotta have this facemask...
DL: David Escobar (Ohio) - is this the guy that drugged up Frank Solich?
DL: LeQuantum McDonald (Baylor)
LB: Ian Handshy (Kansas)
LB: John Mark Patrick (Troy)
LB: Billy Ray (West Virginia) - must be very confusing...
DB: Christian Okoye (Tulane) - Nigerian Nigthmare, Part II???
DB: Sir Darean Adams (Michigan State)
DB: Knowledge Timmons (Penn State)
DB: Ray Ray McElrathbey (Clemson) - a sentimental selection...

P/K: Keith Toogood (Texas Tech) - this guy better have balls of steel...

HONORABLE MENTION:

TE Vincent Chase (SMU) - must be the center of every party
WR Maserati Jemison (Arizona State)
QB John Van Dam (Michigan State) - must.. know.. middle.. name..
DL Untavious Scott (Troy)

78 comments:

Anonymous said...

Michigan: Mister Simpson RB

Amish said...

Hahahaha, my favorite is definitely LeQuantum.

Kayne said...

I think you have to consider I-Perfection Harris formerly of GT.

Anonymous said...

Atari Bigby - former UCF Safety

scott said...

How is Kyle Sackrider only honorable mention?

Josh said...

I second Mister Simpson. Also Prince Kwateng (LB, Northwestern).

critical fanatic said...

I'm guessing Jimmy Johns has 4.2 speed ...

Anonymous said...

This list is garbage if current University of Memphis Wide Receiver (former RB) Taz Knockum is not on it.

http://gotigersgo.cstv.com/sports/m-footbl/mtt/knockum_taz00.html

Anonymous said...

Colt McCoy - Texas QB

Anonymous said...

uhhhhhh google the name lucious pusey.

Anonymous said...

Current Auburn OT, King Dunlap

Anonymous said...

Jabulani Lovelace, QB Rutgers should be on there

Anonymous said...

Brit Barefoot kicker, Southern Miss

Anonymous said...

richie rich unc tailback

Anonymous said...

Def missed Luscious Pusey LB Eastern Illinois
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/player/profile?playerId=148900

Anonymous said...

John David Booty of USC should be on there somewhere.

Schuyla' said...

don't forget former michigan state RB little john flowers.

http://www.nfl.com/players/playerpage/303156

Anonymous said...

Tulane has Okoye AND Nick Cannon.

"But Daddy, Nick Cannon is hilarious..."

"F-k Nick Cannon! I'm Dave Chappelle!"

Anonymous said...

John C. Van Dam... yes!

John Corey Van Dam... Lame. Take him off.

Anonymous said...

TJ Slaughter - LB Southern Miss

Anonymous said...

TJ Slaughter LB Southern Miss

Anonymous said...

Jaworski Pollack ex WR Unc

Anonymous said...

Southern Illinois features the following players:

PK Craig Coffin, WR Nigel LeBlanc, OG Aaron Lockwood, WR Jay Upthegrove and C Will Justice.

Anonymous said...

This list must be named the George Shorthose All Name List...George Shorthose, WR, University of Colorado

Anonymous said...

former FAMU starting center Scientific Mapp

Anonymous said...

Craphonso Thorpe WR Florida...

How do you leave that one off...

Anonymous said...

What about Lyle Hitt and Marlon Favorite both DL for LSU?

Or you coould go crazy with Auburn players...WR Ulysses Alexander, S Aairon Savage, WR Prechae Rodriguez,DE Octavious Balkcomm, DT Sen'Derrick Marks, NT Tez Doolittle

I always though Alabama's DT Wallace Gilberry should be nicknamed Ding..."Make the stop for the Tide Ding Gilberry...

He plays alongside LB Alex Butt and DT Brandon Fanney..."...and he's brought down by Alabama's Butt and Fanney."

Or my favorite, the QB combo Casey Dick and Robert Johnson playing for Coach Nutt at Arkansas? It'll be great when they play Auburn led by Brandon Cox...

Anonymous said...

this lsit is not complete without Sirjoe Seph Welch from Ohio State on the roster.

Anonymous said...

Zaire Kitchen S Rutgers

Anonymous said...

How about Zaire Kitchen S Rutgers

Anonymous said...

Several cool names on the VT Hokies roster....imagine seeing the following last names of these Hokie defensive players on the field together: Ladi Ajiboye, Jason Adjepong, Xavier Adibi not to mention Jahre Cheeseman.

Anonymous said...

Zaire Kitchen - Rutgers frosh lb; a "kitchen" no qb wants to trapped in!!

Anonymous said...

Illinois has Poo Stane

Anonymous said...

what about Iowa St. S. Twiggy Dump

Anonymous said...

No Dusty Mangum, Texas K....What gives?

Anonymous said...

When is Mike Cox of GT gonna get some love?

Anonymous said...

I-Perfection Harris gets better because the I stands for Immaculate.

Seriously. The kid's name is Immaculate Perfection Harris.

SportsRumblings said...

How did they forget the Duke QB Zack Asack? If you have a QB named Asack, would your OT be named Missedblock?

Anonymous said...

What about Kareem Onertits, Harry Balsagnaface, Ray Pachik, Stan Keysnatch and his brother Ron Keysnatch, Lou Bupyerballs, Mike Ockizard...

C. Cockrell said...

How about Southern Miss PK Britt Barefoot ?

Anonymous said...

GT Has:
QB Reggie Ball
WR Calvin Johnson
WR James Johnson
FB Mike Cox

(all starters)

Therefore, Tech has a Ball, 2 Johnsons, and 1 Cox.

Bob Lynch said...

How about BenJarvus Green-Ellis, HB for Ole Miss? It's only 2 names but it seems like 4.

Anonymous said...

Why is Kyle Schlicher the Kicker at Iowa not included?? The boy was destined to kick footballs. Come on!!

Elmore James (DG's Nemesis) said...

Univ. of Akron starting corner?

Reggie Corner, of course......

Anonymous said...

Honorable Mention: Michigan Punter - Zoltan Mesko

Anonymous said...

Ga Tech - I-Perfection Harris...whose brother (a high school senior) is named I-Supreme...

ballers, obviously

and to the idiot that listed Craphonso Thorpe as a current Florida WR...

1) He went to Florida State
2) He hasn't played there in a couple years

Anonymous said...

Alabama's new QB Sarah Jessica Parker Wilson.

AgRyan04 said...

In the mid-80s Texas A&M had a running back named Harry Johnson.

Anonymous said...

How does Ray Ray McElrathby make the list when you have ALL those other classic names... I mean come on, Scientific Mapp... And his brother used to play for FSU. His brothers name is Majestic Mapp

Anonymous said...

Marshall has a player named Uranius Johnson...HOW did that not make it?

Anonymous said...

1969 Texas K: Happy Feller

Anonymous said...

Wrong team, wrong sport......Majestic Mapp was a point guard for Virginia basketball.

Amish said...

While nursing an intense hangover this Saturday, I was filling my mind with internet drivel* via gorillamask.net.

I noticed a description on one of the links for an all-name team and at first I thought "some motherfuckers copied the realests!"

Then I clicked the link and thought "some motherfuckers even copied the realests' website!"

Then I realized it was your actual website. Congrats.

*you guys are not internet drivel

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Anonymous said...

How about South Carolina K Ryan Succop?

Anonymous said...

Check out current UGA players!

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Neland Ball
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Anonymous said...

Former Nebraska great RB: I. M. Hipp .... wins it hands down for me.

Anonymous said...

One of my personal Favourites has to be De'Cody Fagg ,how many gay college boys
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Anonymous said...

One of the most famous college names of all time
Lucious Pusey -> you'll be sad to see that Lucious Seymour
Pusey has legally changed his name to Lucious young twinks .
Which brings about the question...how many King Cobras
does it take for you decide that twink boy amsterdam is a good name for your child?

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