ALBUMS OF THE YEAR

Time to combine two of the things that we love the most – rap albums and lists. Without further ado, we present to you The Realests’ Top 5 rap albums of the year.

(Editors’ Note: Jim took no part in the making of the list. This is mostly due to the fact that he listens to this song called “Strawberry Wine” on repeat on his iPod. His rap rights have been revoked – not even watching Season 4 of The Wire in 3 days will save him. And yeah, I do have the audacity to blast Jim after he kept this blog afloat for the last 3 months. You know what we call that? The audacity of real. Word to Obama.)

On second thought, I can’t do 5 albums. Mostly because I’m rusty and don’t know how to blog anymore, but moreso because it’s tough for me to think of 5 CDs from this year that I know that I’ll listen to in the future. And that’s the standard by which I’m listing these CDs. So, here it is:

4) 8 Diagrams – The Wu-Tang Clan


While it’s true that you’re never going to get a very upbeat album from Wu-Tang, this album’s whole sound seems targeted toward a more somber and laid back vibe. Of course, some of that has to do with the fact that ODB isn’t on the album. And his presence is missed because he could add a jolt of life to some RZA beats that seem to plod along. But the beats aren’t a problem at all here. A lot of people have complained that RZA lost his damn mind on the CD – but I’ll flip mctwerk it and say that those people have lost their minds. I think, if anything, RZA going off and doing soundtrack work has really helped him expand as a producer and the beats are the better for it.

“Campfire” is very ominous and a tone-setter for the album. Also, thankfully, Method Man has the opening verse on the album and he actually sounds interested for the first time in years (except for the Justin Timberlake reference – it seems forced). Ghostface and Cappadonna finish out the song – Ghost coming in and saying “On anything that RZA throw, Ironman’s invisible” gets me pumped up anytime. And Cappadonna used to drive a cab last year. Now that’s real.

I also love how jarring the beat on “Unpredictable” is – I think it would be perfect for a car or foot chase in a movie. And you know what? I think RZA envisioned a lot of these beats as accompanying movie scenes. I’ll bet money on it. Someone get him on the phone.

“The Heart Gently Weeps” was one of the more celebrated songs off of the album because of the supposed Beatles sampling, but even aside from that it’s a great song – Meth, Ghost, and Rae rap on it and all of them sound great. Ghost is in story telling mode and hearing his verse makes me feel ashamed that I’ve underrated him for so long. Hearing him tell a story is just absolutely fantastic – his mix of details (most of them absurd) with humor is perfect. (I’ve also gone back and listened to Ironman recently – it’s better than most albums released this year, you should get it if you don’t have it – don’t waste your 13 dollars on some other garbage). Oh, and one more thing – I don’t get what Rae’s problem was with this album. I’ve never really liked him that much – except for when he raps with Ghostface – but on this album he sounds incredibly on point in every verse. Don’t know what he’s mad about.

“Wolves” is incredibly weird with a sort of spaghetti-western/Kill Bill/tribal-chanting beat. U-God is on it and even though I hate his guts, he does a good job. Also, anything with George Clinton rambling incoherently is a winner in my book (see: PCU starring (bald) Jeremy Piven, Synthesizer by Outkast).

The only odd song is “Life Changes” which was supposed to be the ODB tribute. It just doesn’t sound that sincere. There’s not that much put into the verses and that’s a sad thing. Because if there was one thing ODB was all about, besides the children, it was putting everything you have into it.

At the end of the day, I’m just happy to have another Wu-Tang album. True, there isn’t a “Triumph” or “C.R.E.A.M” on here, but it’s still a solid CD.

3) American Gangster – Jay-Z


I’ve already slurped Jay-Z for this one and there isn’t a lot more that I can say about it. “Hello Brooklyn” still sounds great every time. I’ve gained a new appreciation for “American Dreaming,” “Pray,” and “Party Life.” I still listen to “American Gangster” every time I go running (it helps to listen to very fast music when your attempting to break the heralded sub-10 minute mark for a mile).

The lyrics on the album get better with each listen and I find myself catching something new each time. But I’ve recently faced a somewhat ethical dilemma with the album. Someone mentioned that it seemed kinda backhanded of Jay to do all that talking on Kingdom Come about how he was too grown up to be talking about selling crack, etc. and then he goes and puts out American Gangster. True, he said that he was just inspired by the movie to go back and talk about his crack slinging days, but come on – seems a little fishy right? I mean, just come out and say that you want to talk about this shit because it’s infinitely more interesting and because it sells records.

2) Graduation – Kanye West



Now here’s an album that I REALLY slurped. It’s still great though. But after a few months removed, I’ve gotten a better appreciation for it. Most notably, when Kanye messes up, he messes up big time. Going back and listening to the CD now, I have to skip “Flashing Lights” and “Drunk and Hot Girls” every time through. Also, “Big Brother” comes off a little too whiny and obnoxious now. And “Stronger” seems to get a little weaker with every listen (no pun intended).

But “Can’t Tell Me Nothing” gets better with every listen, and I mean every listen. The woman singing in the background gets stuck in my head for days at a time. And “The Glory” is still sick. My favorite line of the year might be “cameras flash so much that I gotta do the Yayo dance.” “Good Life” has kept its charm with T-Pain growing on me and “Barry Bonds” is such a simple song, but I listen to it all the way through every time it comes on and then I listen to it again.

1) The Cool – Lupe Fiasco


Hands down the best CD of the year.

I know “The Cool” was a song on Lupe’s debut CD, where he told the story of some hustler that died and then came out of his coffin and went back to the hood and then died again. The whole thing was absurd but it was told with such intensity and complete fluidity that you couldn’t help but be sucked in. And that’s the way it is with this whole CD.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard a rapper tell a story the way Lupe does and it is a breath of fresh air. Nowadays you are lucky if one verse on a song happens to stick to the same topic. Sometimes, your lucky if two lines a row make any sense when put together. The beauty of Lupe’s music is that he makes songs around concepts and he sticks to those concepts for the whole song. He tells stories with such intricate wordplay that it’s easy to get distracted for a minute and think, “Damn, I have to start this track over because I want to know everything that’s going on.” At least that’s the way I am. It just seems that he really put effort into these songs. And I don’t understand the whole concept of the album yet – I don’t know what “the cool” is or what “the game” is supposed to represent but I love hearing the songs within this album. Some reviews have said that the CD is a little disjointed and that may be the case, but I don’t mind.

I can’t go through this CD song by song and tell you which ones are hits and misses but the ratio is probably 90/10. And that's even more impressive when you consider the fact that there are 19 songs on the CD. I also can’t tell you which songs have the best lines because I’m constantly finding new ones (here’s a great one I found today – “they want me to leave my Dame like that dude from Marcy”). I will tell you that “Paris, Tokyo” is about love and longing, “Intruder” is about fear, “Superstar” is about potential, “Little Weapon” is about anger, “Dumb It Down” is about arrogance, “Gold Watch” is about bling and Streetfighter, and “Go Go Gadget Flow” is about rapping really, really fast.

The Dude and I had a conversation in college about why "conscious" rappers couldn't make music that people really enjoyed listening to. Lupe would probably fall into that "conscious" category, even though I'm hesitant to label him with that. And I think that The Cool answers a lot of the questions that we had. I mean, if you rap as well as he does on this album it really doesn't matter what you are talking about because it sounds so damn good. Not to get carried away, but Lupe transcends a lot of things on this album. I'm not sure what or how or if I can explain it to you. Just listen to the CD.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Albums I Need To Listen To More That Could Be Very Good:
1) Big Doe Rehab – Ghostface
2) Free At Last – Freeway
3) Underground Kingz – UGK
4) Eardrum – Talib
5) Finding Forever – Common

Albums That Were Awfully Disappointing:
1) The Solution – Beanie Siegel
2) TI v. TIP – TI
3) Curtis – 50 Cent
4) Carnival 2 – Wyclef

Singles of the Year:
1) Can’t Tell Me Nothing – Kanye
2) International Players Anthem – UGK and Outkast
3) Umbrella – Rihanna
4) I Get Money Remix – 50 Cent, Jay-Z, Diddy

Song Most Likely To Give “Since You’ve Been Gone” A Run For Its Money:
1) No One – Alicia Keys

Most Idiotic/Genius Song of the Year:
1) Crank Dat – Soulja Boy

REALEST/UNREALEST OF THE WEEK

ROW: That crazy bastard Jerry Moore has done it again. In a quote that has gone completely unnoticed for the last 3 months, under Sports Illustrated's newest "They Said It" section is this qem by Moore on why App. State couldn't celebrate beating Michigan for too long:

"We've got Lenoir-Rhyne coming to our place."

We feel like someone just threw a brick in our face. Has our program fallen so low that LeeAnn Rhymes is getting more respect than us?

UROW: Unless I'm missing something here, someone really, really messed up Gary Smith's unbelievable piece on Rob Jones - the grandson of Jim Jones (no, not that Jim Jones) that plays college basketball for San Diego.

Can anyone explain why his name is spelled "RobJones" - without a space - every time in print and online? We sure as shit can't. Either someone made the worst "find and replace" error of all time or we are dumber than a box of rocks.

Or both could be true.

(Editor's Note: To whoever put us on blast in the comments section, as if you couldn't tell from reading this blog, The Realests read on a 2nd grade level so take it easy on us. The word "glued" was too big for our vocabulary.)

I'M BAAAAAAACK (ALMOST)

Sorry for the delay. I've been chilling off the coast of St. Bartz with spider monkeys for the last few months.

I'm not built like Jim. I don't have that journalism bug flowing through my veins.

But here's what I promise you in the upcoming weeks.

1) Best Rap Albums of the Year
2) The Definitive Jay-Z
3) Thoughts on The Wire

HO HO HO...

Here at The Realests, Jim Jones is as much a holiday tradition as egg nogg, carols and Robin Byrd.

Please pass these along to all your loved ones.

I'm also happy to note that Varun and I are close to settling his blog strike that is now going on three months and plans to hire a scab have been put on hold - for now.

2007-08 BIG TEN PREVIEW: OHIO ST.

Chiggity check yourself before you wreck yourself - the Big Ten Preview is back! With just one week until the conference schedule kicks off, we've sent our preview into overdrive. Next up, the hated Ohio State Buckeyes. We really love this picture of Brutus kickin' it in the parking lot by himself. Almost as much as we love the timeline of Brutus' appearance (how much cooler was he without arms? Big mistake by tOSU...).

2006-07 Record: 35-4
Projected Finish: 3rd
Returning Starters: 1
Head Coach: Thad Matta
Best Player: Jamar Butler (13.5 PPG)

3 Reasons for Optimism:

1) Apparently 7-footers just grow on trees for Thad Matta. As soon as behemoth Greg Oden headed to the NBA, the Bucks brought in Kosta Koufos (Matt's also got another 7-foot stud in B.J. Mullens on the way). If you haven't seem him play, this guy is extremely raw. He struggled a lot early, but after an inspired performance against Florida (17 PTS, 10 REB), Koufos could be turning the corner.

2) Jamar Butler saved a spot on his arm for the Buckeyes' third Big Ten Championship - sadly, this is not a joke. Butler doesn't want to look like a damn fool for the rest of his life. Oops, too late.

3) Following in Jim Tressel's footsteps, Matta signed a 4-year extension with the Devil in late October. Seriously, how do these guys do it? The Buckeyes have a decent shot at making the tournament after two of their players went in the top 4 of the NBA Draft. And they already have two of the best recruits locked up for next year (Mullens, William Buford) and it's still December!

3 Reasons for Pessimism:

1) The losses to North Carolina and Texas A&M were disasters. The Bucks then got blown out by Matta's old school, Butler, by 19, and scored just 47 points against Coppin State the following game. Oh yeah, and this team lost to Division II Findlay in exhibition. Findlay!

2) Koufos was benched against against Coppin State for "lack of aggresiveness." You mean being a cooter? We've taken to calling him "Koufos the Doofus." The guy was flat-out embarassed by Texas A&M and North Carolina, combining to go 5-26 against the two. This guy's no Greg Oden. Right now, he's not even Nikoloz Tskitishvhili...

3) You think Koufos is a bust? Jon Diebler, the leading high school scorer in Ohio history (he averaged 40 points per game last year), has hit the pine after shooting 29% from the field. Why are people surprised when guys looking like this turn into busts?

Realety
Ohio State doesn't rebuild, they reload. We don't want to count the Bucks out because it was supposed to be a down year for the football team and they're playing for the national championship. The Florida game aside, this looks like an NIT team that will flirt with the NCAA bubble.

But they do have wins over the Gators and Syracuse on their resume and should be in the upper echelon of the Big Ten. And the Bucks have something only Michigan State can match - experienced point guard play. Expect Butler to carry this team on his back and be counted on in the clutch.

How crazy is it that the Big Ten could only be a two-bid conference this year? Yikes.

Obviously the Buckeyes don't want Koufos to suck, but his early struggles might force him to return to school which would make the Buckeyes loaded next year with David Lighty returning as well.

LEGION OF DOOM

Poor Bruce Weber. The guy's so desperate after letting blue chip recruits like Eric Gordon, Derrick Rose and Jon Scheyer (who now sucks, by the way) slipping out of his grasp that he's taken on Alex Legion.

We've already talked about him plenty here at The Realests and you've certainly heard about his mama, who loves talking college hoops with God (yes, The God).

This can only end badly. We foresee one of the following scenarios unfolding within the next year:

#1) Legion becomes BFFs with football stud Arrelious Benn and gets busted in a recruiting sex orgy thrown by Ron Zook for next year's incoming class. The sextape gets leaked onto the internet in which Benn and Legion take turns snorting coke off a stripper's ass.

#2) Legion goes Kermit Washington on Heir Jordan and sucker punches him in the face in practice, breaking Jordan's face in 38 places. Jeff ends up looking like Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky and has to wear a facial prosthetic during games on top of a standard Rip Hamilton facemask. With almost 0 visibility, he finishes as a 3.2% shooter from the field and disgraces the family name.

#3) In two weeks, Legion calls Bruce Weber a "homo" for wearing the orange jacket and transfers to Southern Miss to play for party machine Larry Eustachy, who he considers a father figure.

#4) Legion calls Weber a homo (obviously, we think the chances of this are very high) and transfers to West Virginia. Unable to steal from WVU, Bill Martin looses his mind and spends the rest of his days getting fed tapioca pudding in the UM hospital.

#5) Legion never shows up in Champaign and instead sits out the year to prep for the NBA Draft. Legion's mom receives divine messages that there will be dire consequences if Legion is not taken with the No. 1 overall pick. After going undrafted, locusts mysteriously wipe out half the earth's population.

Let's hope it's one of the first four...



Bruce, what have you done???

MY TRIP TO GIANTS STADIUM

It's taken a couple days for the emotional scarring to heal from my trip to Giants Stadium for the Redskins-Giants game on Sunday.

If you've ever been to an NFL game - especially a night game - you know it's complete debauchery. I'd imagine the experience for a young kid is about as traumatic as seeing Channel 35 transvestites shake their dong in your face.

But what I witnessed Sunday night was above and beyond all my expectations for Giants fans, who recreated the 8th Circle of Hell. I would venture to say it was comparable to the 2002 Ohio State-Michigan game in Columbus.

In just 4 short hours I witnessed the following:

- A drunken wife nagging her husband to leave the game in the 3rd quarter, then accusing him of adultery once his phone rang. When the husband tried to ignore her, she started screaming, "No one wants a husband with a three-inch cock - HARD!"

No long able to block her out while she screamed about his ineptness in the bedroom, the husband screamed back: "Well no one wants a wife with tits down to her belly button!" He then stormed off, apparently leaving the stadium and leaving the wife to fend for herself and hitch-hike home.

On a side note, and you wonder why every kid you know from New York is nuttier than a fruit cake? (Except for you, The Dude. You're special.)

- Fans pelting each other repeatedly with snowballs like monkeys and multiple fights getting broken up by the Highlighter Jacket Crew - apparently this is a step forward from pelting players with snowballs.

- A handful of Sean Taylor jokes in the stadium, including one guy telling me to "Sit down, he's dead." Once we got on the bus, Giant fans busted out a full-blown chant of "Sean Taylor's dead! Sean Taylor's dead!" Strictly class and extra points for creativity.

- The guys in front of us so wasted that they started pouring vodka straight into their friend's hot chocolate, completely unaware that the steaming liquid was overflowing and dousing their friend's hands.

- The guy behind us screaming "Looking at Shockey lying on the field like a pussy!" while Shockey writhed in pain over his broken leg.

- A guy so wasted in the parking lot that he scaled a small mountain of snow, turning a piece of cardboard into a makeshift sled and wiping out on his ass. Undeterred, he turned to a waiting crowd screaming, "Who's next?! Who's next?!" To which everyone replied, "You are."

- A guy doing this:



OK, maybe not. But you can imagine if he did.

IT'S COMING.....

If you're like us, it's been an agonizing couple months since the Lost season 3 finale that almost made V run head-first into our TV. Our other roommate Dave has been singing "You Are Everybody!" in his sleep for 5 weeks straight.

While we regularly dispute which is the better TV show - Lost or The Wire - if you can't get excited after watching this trailer, you have no soul:




And we apologize for the light posting lately. There will be plenty of holiday blogging to make up for it, including the prestigious Realest of the Year award. Stay tuned.

REALESTS' MUSINGS ON COACH ROD HIRE

At long last, we break down the hiring of Rich Rodriguez in typical Realest fashion, which we give two enthusiastic thumbs up:

- Go ahead and say it: Black quarterback. It feels so good when it hits your lips!

Obviously no real journalist can write about how exciting this is, but Dec. 17, 2007 will go done in history as the date the Michigan QB color barrier came down. This isn't just a big day for Michigan, it's a big day for civil rights, people. Now let's not get too excited about Terrelle Pryor, but man this kid is sick. If we steal him from tOSU, you can officially score it as Rodriguez 1, Tressel 0. Insert obligatory YouTube clip here:



- I can't remember the last time I wore my Michigan hoody with pride. Losing 6 out of 7 to Ohio State seems like a distant memory and we can just laugh like Little Cletus about the upcoming slaughter to Florida.

I think the reaction of Ohio State fans to Rod's hire says it all. For weeks, my Buckeye brethren have been hounding me with text messages and phone calls ridiculing the apparent inevitability of Les Miles at Michigan. The reaction now? A bunch of text messages that just say, "Good hire." Yeah, they know Michigan-Ohio State just turned into a rivalry again.

- Bill Martin, you deserve a nice vacation - go sail around the world or something. We give our AD lots of and lots of shit, but this move just saved Michigan football. He updated to the 21st century and went outside the Michigan "family" - both viewed as necessary by Wolverine fans. Count us among the many that didn't think Martin had the walnuts to do either.

- Toodles Ryan Mallett and Mario Manningham. OK, Manningham was already gone (the early over/under for him running out of bounds in the Capital One Bowl is 12).

As for Mallett, you've got to feel bad for the kid. He came to Michigan thinking he'd be the next Tom Brady, showed some real flashes his freshman year, and now looks shit out of luck.

If Mallett was going to be a senior, this wouldn't be a problem. Rodriguez would adjust his offense and then have His Guy ready for Year 2. But with 3 years of eligibility left, why would Mallett want to be stuck in an offense that has 0 use for him as rumors swirl about getting benched for a blue chip QB that fits the system.

We predict Mallett will wind up at Arkansas (pig sooey!) or Texas, where he'd only to have to sit behind Colt McCoy for one year at most.

- No more "Us vs. The World" after a loss. The stories I've heard about Lloyd Carr make him a better man than even sappy columnists are now potraying him out to be. But I was sick and tired of his, "100 losses won't keep me down" BS. Get pissed for once, Lloyd! Although no good can ever come out of a loss to Dave Wannstedt, at least Rodriguez took it like a man.

- Is Rodriguez a little bit of a dirt bag? Yes. The names Pacman Jones and Chris Henry will follow Rodriguez forever, both of which he brought into Morgantown. And we've already blogged about criminal mastermind Pat Lazear, who ripped off a "Smoothie King" in Bethesda, Md. as a senior in high school and still got a scholarship to WVU.

While it reflects poorly on Rodriguez, this is a non-issue in regards to the hire. Bill Martin will be paranoid about keeping Michigan's good name; discipline will always be appropriate and no Pacmans will ever set foot in Ann Arbor.

- Michigan: 2009 National Champions. You heard it hear first. Led by the dynamic backfield of Armanti Edwards and Noel Devine, Michigan averages 700 rushing yards and 65 points per game en route to their 12th national championship. Book your tickets for Pasadena now, people.

- Thanks Herbstreit! I'm sure this topic will be beaten to death elsewhere, so we just want to give a big pat on the back to Herby for being the savior of Michigan football by turning the Les Miles interview process into a debacle.

Given the Bill Martin sailing story, we'll never know if Herbstreit is actually responsible for blowing up the Miles deal. Who cares? We get goose bumps thinking about upsetting tOSU next year, then watching Bucknuts heckle Herbstreit on the GameDay set afterward.

- Willie the Wolverine??? Rumors swirled last year that Willie Williams almost ended up at WVU. Could we be so lucky to see him in the maize and blue???? Hey, a Realest came dream...

- Hurt recruiting? Are you kidding? Lloyd Carr was a hell of a recruiter and he certainly left plenty of talent for Rod to work with - albeit lots of talent that doesn't necessarily fit Rod's system. Lloyd's incoming recruits - namely Kenny Demens, Sam McGuffie and "Boobie" Cissoko (OK, we just made that nickname up) all seem on board - and by the reaction of Pryor, who knows the kind of offensive talent we could end up with by February.

- A quick apology to all the Ray-Rays, Billy-Rays, Billy-Bobs, Billy-Joes and Billy-Johns (Billy-anything really) in West Virginia. Wasn't it bad enough when we beat the Mountaineers 130-0 in 1904? Now we had to go out and take their basketball and football coach? Hey, it's nothing personal Mounty fans. You know, we have always wanted a mascot... Eh forgot it, you can keep him.

TODD BOECKMAN LEAVING EARLY FOR NFL?!?!

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!!!!

ESPN is reporting that of the 13 Buckeyes who requested information by the NFL on where they might be drafted is quarterback Todd Boeckman.

The Todd Boeckman that handed Michigan State 14 points in October?

The same super stiff that had 3 hideous interceptions against Illinois to blow OSU's perfect season?

The same doofus that Jim Tressel trusted to throw against Michigan's atrocious secondary just 13 times in "The Game" (granted, why pass when you can just run over us?).

THIS Todd Boeckman (skip to the 1:10 mark)?

Oh, I'm gonna puke...



So, let's see here. If Ohio State's all-world, Heisman-trophy winning quarterback went in the fifth round of last year's draft, where can we expect his no-talent ass clown backup to go?

SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET

If you've seen Season 4 of The Wire, you've undoubtedly seen the following clip of Senator Clay Davis and gone straight to YouTube looking for it. We did too. And the YouTube Gods have answered our prayers again.

This could be our happiest moment since finding Leeroy Jenkins.

Note: If you don't watch The Wire, what further convincing do you need?

REALEST OF THE WEEK

We almost named Bobby Petrino Realest of the Week for going AWOL on the hapless Falcons (don't worry, Bobby P will get another shot once he resigns after Darren McFadden goes pro).

We're glad we waited.

Don't worry, despite the image below, the ROW is not Rasheed Wallace - but rather Rip Hamilton. Running around behind Sheed and then doing the two-handed "I can't feel my face" move is nothing less than spectacular.

Is Rip the new Flavor Flav?

LES MILES IS A GORILLA

Will this soap opera ever end? The Detroit Free Press is reporting that - surprise! - Les Miles is still a candidate to replace Lloyd Carr. We're tired of discussing of this issue so we'll let Les bury himself with his Top 5 Moments of Douchery:

5. "I'LL PLAY ANY SUCKER IN THIS COUNTRY!"



Stop jockin' Bo's style, Les! Seriously, this is getting pathetic.

4. "LET 'ER RIP"



Gee, what a surprise Oklahoma State lost this game 52-9.

3. "HAVE A GREAT DAY"



What is this, some kind of cheap Elvis Presley impersonation? I wish we could cut down this clip down to the part where he just says, "Have a GREAT day" but YouTube has its limitations.

2. R-KANSAS?



How can we look Jim Harbaugh in the face when our coach can't even pronounce Arkansas? Bruce Madej is already dreading the Illinois game next year.

1. THE TIMEOUT



Yeah, just what Michigan needs. Another guy that doesn't know how to use a timeout. We'd venture to say even Willie Williams knows the clock stops on a change of possession. Well, maybe not.

REALESTS' DARKHORSE: JIM LEAVITT

We've had a lot of fun with Big Blue's coaching search so far but when Michigan gets turned down by the Rutgers football coach, you know we're in dire straits. Time to roll up our sleeves and get grimy with this issue.

Enter The Realests with the solution: USF's Jim Leavitt.

For all the talk about Big East coaches (Greg Schiano, Brian Kelly and prayers for Rich Rodriguez), I haven't heard Leavitt's name come up once.

Let us list the reasons this guy is one of the top 10 coaches in America:



#1) HE BUILT A PROGRAM FROM SCRATCH!

What Schiano and Kelly have done is great, but neither can touch Leavitt in terms of accomplishments at their schools. This program began in 1997, the same year Michigan last won the national title. Not jumped to Division I. Started from scratch. And just three years ago, USF went 4-7 as a member of Conference USA. Fast forward to 2007 and they're already a top 25 program. To build a powerhouse in Tampa, Florida of all places with the likes of Florida State, Florida and Miami all poaching your recruits, you have to be an incredible coach.

Ascending to #2 this year got everyone's expectations for the program way out of whack. In the span of a month, USF went from the Story of the Year to The Pretenders. So they dropped three in a row (at Rutgers, at UConn, Cincy). Considering they rallied to finish 9-3 and let's not forget - beat Auburn on the road and West Virginia - Leavitt should definitely still be considered a candidate for coach of the year.

And that's with star players like Matt Grothe, George Selvie, Jessie Hester, Nate Allen, Mike Ford and Carlton Mitchell all being underclassmen. This team will easily be ranked in the top 10 to start next year. Too bad you can't say the same about Michigan!

#2) HE'S INSANE

Did you see this guy on the sideline during the Rutgers game?



He's an absolute madman. We've grown accustomed to Lloyd's stone face as we commit mistake after mistake (with the occasional tantrum). It's time for fire and brimstone on the sidelines of the Big House, people.

And now Leavitt's about to pull a Bruce Pearl and "paint up" to support the basketball team. Let's just hope he doesn't start chewing out Stan Heath's players on the bench.

Granted, the statistics don't indicate the Bulls are a very disciplined bunch (ranked T-94 in turnovers and 117th in penalties - keep in mind Cincy was dead last in the NCAA), but would you want to make a mistake in front of this guy? We'll take our chances those statistics are flukes.

#3) THE SPREAD

Count us among the many Wolverine fans hoping to break into the 21st century with the spread offense. Obviously, it would be ill-suited for current QB of the future Ryan Mallett, but it's a move that would signify so much more to Big Blue Nation. In case you missed it, USF averaged nearly 36 points per game with this guy running their offense. I think we'd be OK.

Michigan averaged 10 points less (albeit against tougher defenses) with what was supposed to be the most explosive offense in the country.

#4) DEFENSIVE MASTERMIND

You think this guy has figured out the spread offense on defense? USF held West Virginia to 13 points - granted it doesn't look nearly as impressive after last weekend. South Florida's scoring defense was ranked right behind Michigan's (23 and 26, respectively), and found an absolute monster in George Selvie, who has 14.5 sacks. Imagine what Brandon Graham could become with Leavitt coaching him up...

And say goodbye to sitting on our heels and letting athletic quarterbacks run circles around us, as the man blitzes like crazy. His team also led the nation with 40 turnovers gained.

Flat out, the man has the balls of a bull.

#5) NO DRAMA

Hey, we love Brian Kelly as much as the next guy. But Bill Martin would never, ever hire him after the Central Michigan night club death controversy that included a comment by Kelly many called racist. Said Kelly:"A number of them were African Americans that had been in that culture of violence, and they're taught to look away. You don't want anything to do with it. Get out of there. You don't say anything to anybody."

To call him a racist is a huge knee-jerk reaction, but after dealing with Ed Martin, Bill must have nightmares of answering questions about this at Kelly's first presser.

Nick Saban's cheap shots aside, Leavitt has no such issues.


What's left to ponder?! Give this man a chance!!

JEWISH JORDAN BACK WITH THE BOZACKS

... And by bozacks we mean babies.

A day after devastating news about Courtney Sims, we are proud to announce that Tamir Goodman - a.k.a. The Jewish Jordan - has returned to the States to play for the Maryland Nighthawks of the "Premier" Basketball League.

From the same geniuses that brought you Sun Ming-Ming, the publicity-starved PBL just hit a grand slam by bringing home D.C.'s own Prodigal Son.

In case you forgot, Goodman was featured in Sports Illustrated in 1999, where he was given the now-infamous moniker. Well, things didn't exactly work out. He bailed on Maryland and played just one season at Towson before bouncing due to a rift with his coach. He's spent the last couple years overseas, most recently in Israel.

We applaud the Nighthawks' shameless self-promotion.

Goodman appears unphased that the Nighthawks also introduced two circus midgets and cyclops to the roster at the same press conference.

We also have it on good authority that Goodman was telling people off the record that, "By the time I'm done here, they'll be calling that other guy the Black Goodman."

V-FACE OUT IN INDY

We hate being the bearer of bad news, but Courtney Sims has been cut by the Pacers.

Needless to say, this is a travesty.

Clearly Jim O'Brien has a vendetta against Sims and is trying to blackball him from The League. We don't want to speculate here, but O'Brien's a fuckin' racist. Travis Diener, Troy Murphy, Mike Dunleavy and Jeff Foster all on the same roster? What is this, the Washington Generals?

Hang in there C.S., we're sure you'll land on your feet somewhere. Personally we'd like to see him end up on the D-League's Sioux Falls Skyforce, where J.C. Mathis is currently tearing shit up.

Talk about a devastating front court...

2007-08 BIG TEN PREVIEW: WISCONSIN

With just 3 teams left, we can officially see the light at the end of the tunnel for this Big Ten Preview. Bo Ryan has quietly built one of the nation's top programs but no one's picking the Badgers this year after losing Big Ten Player of the Year Alando Tucker and Chris Rock-look-alike Kammron Taylor.

2006-07 Record: 30-6 (13-3)
Projected Finish: 4th
Returning Starters: 3
Head Coach: Bo Ryan
Best Player: Trevon Hughes (18.2 PPG)

3 Reasons for Optimism:

1) Bo Ryan appears like just another old fart, but he might be the craziest mofo in the country as evidenced by his Soulja Boy dance and Hambone demonstration. We gotta admit, we thought UW was crazy when they hired Ryan. He was 3 years removed from coaching D-III hoops and was just 30-27 in his two years at Wisconsin-Milwaukee. We were wrong (marinate on that for awhile, you won't read it again for a long time).

2) Is Brian Butch finally living up to the hype? People don't seem to remember how highly-touted Butch was in high school. In 2003, He was ranked #11 by Scout.com and named to the McDonald's All-USA team along with Luol Deng, Mustafa Shakur and... wait for it... LeBron James. After redshirting, he went down freshman year with mono. Sophomore year Doug Gottlieb called him "the most overrated player in the Big Ten." And right when he was starting to bust out last year, this happened - look out below! Now Butch is nearly averaging a double-double and put up 24 and 13 in his season premiere. We're still skeptical.

3) Completely overlooked sophomore Trevon Hughes has exploded out of the shadow of Taylor and averaged 18 PPG over his first six games. He's also a solid defender (15 steals), as you would expect from Wisconsin.

3 Reasons for Pessimism:

1) Their trip to Cameron Indoor Stadium was very Michigan-esque. The Badgers only lost by 24 points, but were behind 48-25 at the half after shooting just 30-percent from the field.

2) Senior big man Greg Stiemsma is simply pathetic. Starting every game for the Badgers, Stiemsma is averaging 3 points per game, up from 2 PPG last year. This guy has got to go.

3) Michael Flowers mysteriously left the program for a couple weeks in October and has struggled since coming back (17 assists, 15 turnovers prior to last night).

Realety
This team just can't be as bad as they looked against Duke. Trevon Hughes is a big-time talent that is finally getting some playing time and Carl Landry and Brian Butch provide a lot of size and muscle in the paint. But with Greg Stiemsma and Joe Krabbenhoft in the starting lineup, there is 0 depth on this team. Expect the Badgers to struggle mightily as everyone focuses on Hughes and Butch.

But hey, this team always overachieves. They reached the Final Four with a goon squad (insert picture of Mark Vershaw here) and played a much more talented North Carolina team toe-to-toe in the Elite Eight two years ago.

Who knows, Bo Ryan might just be dancin' again come March:

ALEX LEGION: STILL THE DEVIL

Well that didn't take long.

Alex Legion is apparently "disgruntled" again as he's reportedly decided to transfer from Kentucky after a whopping six games. In his career with the Wildcats, Legion had 40 points and 10 turnovers.

At least he hasn't slammed Billy Gillispie on the way out the door like he did with Detroit Country Day coach Kurt Keener (although we're sure it's just a matter of time).

Hey, Tommy Amaker seems to be building a powerhouse at Harvard, maybe he'll end up there.

The kid could at least have the same class as O.J. Mayo and go out like this:

JASON WITTEN 1, CATO JUNE 0

Ah, we remember this play like it was yesterday.

I have a feeling there are going to be a lot of "What the fuck?" moments like this during the Capital One Bowl, except it will be Tebow instead of Witten outrunning our entire secondary. Totally sweet.

Man, Cato June was much slower without steroids:

THE NEVERENDING NIGHTMARE

Losing to Tommy Amaker? Dave Wannstedt sending Ohio State to the BCS title game? This is a new low, folks.

REALEST OF THE WEEK

No, not that crazy bitch.

This week's award goes to It from her show "I Love New York 2" - which has finally taught us where we can find love (the closest either of us ever came before was an orgy with a Mayari tribesman and Finnish dwarves).

During today's marathon on VH1, New York asks It if he's in love with her. A exchange for the ages ensues:

It: How would I know if I want to be with you for the rest of my life when I've only been with you for a week?

New York: The rest of them don't know that but they took a gamble, they took a shot at me.

It (in confessional): I can't say that I love you. We never ate chicken wings outside on the bench or french fries on a bench in the projects. Know what I'm saying?

Seriously, New York - no wonder you still haven't found love after 3 reality shows...

P.S. Where are the YouTube Gods when you need them?

UNREALEST OF THE WEEK

How can you ever forget these puss bags from the early 90s collectively known as Mr. Big? Seeing at it has been 15 years since they were a One Hit Wonder, we thought this would be a good time to put them on blast. We swear there is a female voice double at the end of this video.