2008 BIG TEN PREVIEW: MICHIGAN

We just threw up in our mouths. We hate to piss on everyone's parade, but the expectations for Dick Rod's first year are outrageous. Sporting News has us ranked No. 18 in the country despite losing the entire offense to the NFL (or Ohio State... you rat bastard!). Sorry folks, but we anticipate serious growing pains this year:

2007 Preview: Here
2007 Record: 9-4 (6-2)
Projected 2008 Finish: 6th
Returning Starters: 12
Head Coach: Rich Rodriguez
Best Player: ??????

Good News:

- Our offense just went from 1978 to 2008.

- We loved Lloyd Carr the man, but the coach was average at best. That doesn't cut it at Michigan. Fearing the worst, we went out and got one of the top 5 coaches in the country - although it took Dick Rod calling up Martin himself to get an interview. Either way, let's just come out and say it: We all expect to be competing for the national title by 2010. No pressure, though.

- The defensive line returns completely intact. We aren't big on Will Johnson (how do we always end up with these big oafish white dudes?), but the rest of the line is loaded with talent. Coming off 8.5 sacks last year, the sky is the limit for Brandon Graham.

- A year after declaring them a disaster, corner is one of our strengths this year (we're not sure if that's a good thing). Morgan Trent went from whipping boy to lockdown defender, Donovan Warren looks like the next great Michigan CB and we've got our boy, Boobie Cissoko, waiting in the wings.

- Carlos Brown showed he's worthy of being a feature back last year vs. Illinois and we have some major talent at receiver (namely Greg Mathews and Daryl Stonum).

- Worried The Matrix won't be able to hack it against DI talent? Us too. But word out of Ann Arbor is that Sam McGuffie is the real deal and will see lots of playing time in the opener vs. Utah.

- With at Purdue, at Minnesota and Northwestern at home before Ohio State, we could roll into The Game on a winning streak and beaming with confidence - something we sorely need.

Not-So-Good News:

- Once again we won't face Iowa or Indiana, and you already know how we feel about both of them. What a crock of shit.

- Forget who will play quarterback. We have 2 returning starters on offense and we wouldn't call TE Carson Butler an impact player (BTW, RT Steve Schilling is the other player). The line is in chaos and expect Lead Feet Threet to be running around like a chicken with his head cut off for the first month of the season.

- The first five games are all very losable (Utah, Miami (OH), at Notre Dame, Wisconsin, Illinois). All but the Irish are very experienced squads which will benefit immensely from our coaching change. O yeah, and note to Bill Martin: Don't schedule the Illini for Homecoming anymore.

- After a breather against Toledo, things won't get much easier. Penn State will be desperate for its first win over Michigan since 1996 and treat the game like the Super Bowl and Mark Dantonio will have Sparty all riled up about last year's "little brother" comments.

Realety:

This season can't start any worse than the '07 campaign, but Big Blue could very realistically have one win by the end of September. Patience will be key as Michigan adjusts to the spread offense against veteran ballclubs that will capitalize on our mistakes.

Fortunately, we believe Dick Rod will be given a free pass this year like John Beilein was with the basketball team (although the stakes are much higher at the Big House). Also, we expect the team to drastically improve by the end of the season.

Just like Jim Tressel's first year at Ohio State, everything comes down to The Game. Playing in Columbus with a shot at the national title, Ohio State will be huge favorites and we'll have nothing to lose. Call us crazy, but we think The Game will be tight and that Dick Rod might even win the damn thing. (Shhhh, just whisper it: 1969).

If so, the rivalry and Michigan's program will officially be back and the year will be a success, no matter our record - even if we're playing in the GoDaddy.com Bowl or - gasp! - our 33-year bowl streak comes to an end!

Like we said: No pressure, coach.