REALEST OF THE WEEK

We gotta admit: these guys at the AOL Michigan Sports Blog are killin' it right now (including pointing out James Kamoku trying to break Steve Breaston's leg last week).

Their latest gem, which comes via YouTube:

IT'S OFFICIAL: UM TOTALLY SWEETER THAN ND

Even though Michigan pounded Notre Dame a couple weeks ago, the debate rages on about which is the better school. Between the history of their football programs and quality of education, the two institutions are neck-and-neck.

That is until now...

Thanks to the AOL Michigan Sports Blog, we've discovered that none other than internet celebrity Tucker Max says Michigan is "WAY cooler" than Notre Dame (if you aren't familiar with Tucker, click here):

I'm going to have to make the call--Michigan is WAY cooler than Notre Dame [I went to the Purdue/ND game earlier this year]. In every way. Better football environment, hotter girls, guys who aren't fucking douche bag jamooks--everything is better at Michigan. Were I a 17 year old high school senior and picking between those two for college, no question or debate--I would be a Wolverine. Sorry Notre Dame, I don't have a dog in this fight, I am just calling it like I see it. You guys suck.

There you have it, folks. How could anyone possibly argue with that?


The Princeton Review needs to hire this guy ...

DREW HENSON HEADED TO MINNESOTA!

Just when we thought Drew was gonna be Big Pimpin' on South Beach, he's been signed by the Minnesota Vikings.

With Brad Johnson's arm set to fall off any week now and only Brooks Bollinger ahead of him, Drew is once again an NFL "QB of the Future."

DIAG HATEMONGERS FINALLY GONE TOO FAR

All anyone can talk about is yesterday's anti-gay protest, in which a Lansing man wore this t-shirt and chanted "Homos are going to hell!":



We're just saddened the Diag is no longer a place where rational people can discuss controversial issues, like when we went to school:

GRAHAM BROWN TAKING A EUROTRIP

Like many college grads, Graham Brown has decided to spend a little time on the other side of the pond.

Thanks to loyal reader Tom Campion, Graham has finally been tracked down in Portugal, playing for Lusitania ABM. Click here for his player page.

Graham-bone just dropped 8 points and 11 boards in a nail-biting loss to CAB Madeira.

We're certain this is just a pit-stop on Graham's way to The League.


"Eu sou Graham, ouço-me rujir!" (click here for translation)

REALESTS RETURN FROM ANN ARBOR

Varun and I just returned from Ann Arbor and now I've got the flu. Pictures will be posted as soon as my throat isn't on fire anymore. Let me leave you with Varun's quote of the weekend: "We're so funny we don't need to be humble."

JOE NAMATH'S DAUGHTER A HOMEWRECKER?

From Greg Norman's daughter, we move to Joe Namath's daughter. Apparently this 21-year-old University of Alabama sophomore is involved in an affair. From the Palm Beach Post (click here for the Page Six version):

The teenage daughter of football great Joe Namath may soon find herself at the heart of a Jupiter society divorce - as the "other woman." Page Two hears that Jessica Namath - who grew up with her Super Bowl-winning dad in Tequesta - is scheduled to be subpoenaed soon to answer questions about her relationship with William "Blu" Stephanos, the co-owner of a well-known Jupiter rejuvenation clinic, Age Management, Inc.

Stephanos, 28, just filed for divorce in Palm Beach County against his wife of five years, Carly Stephanos, 27. But a source close to the couple said Carly handed her lawyer, Bar kingpin Howard Rudolph, cellphone records that show Blu spends hours chatting up Jessica.

I guess the apple doesn't fall very far from the tree (BTW, Jessica is on Facebook for anyone interested in a new friend...):

SPEAKING OF BADGERS...

Will this website ever get old? No.

SERGIO JUMPS INTO SHARK'S TANK

We don't know why, but The Realests are kind of into The Ryder Cup. Especially when we find interesting nuggets of information like this one:

Sergio Garcia, a.k.a. El Nino, is dating none other than Greg Norman's daughter, Morgan (click here for pic of the couple together).

I guess Sergio figures it's better to choke a major away than never compete in the first place.

Snap!


This photo took 3 hours to take


Shark bait

A BIG THANKS TO... MAURICE CLARETT?

Let's be honest. Before the Notre Dame game, Prescott Burgess was a bust. Tom Lemming's 16th-best recruit in the nation in 2003, Prescott's has always looked lost out there.

That is until he picked off 2 Brady Quinn passes and almost took both of them to the house.

With Prescott and "Cashmere" being named the Big Ten Athletes of the Week, we started thinking about how lucky Michigan is to have two guys from Warren Harding High School, which is located near Youngstown (a.k.a. Tresselville).

Well, it turns out the person we might want to thank is none other than Maurice Clarett.

That's right. Apparently, Mo and Prescott were best friends in high school and dreamt of becoming Buckeyes together. That is until Clarett stole Prescott's girlfriend.

Don't believe us? Check out this quote from Tom Lemming in the Chicago Tribune this summer (dated Aug. 30, 2006, if you would like to look it up:

"The last in-state guy they really wanted but didn't get was (linebacker) Prescott Burgess, who went to Michigan. Why didn't he go to Ohio State? Because Maurice Clarett stole his girlfriend. That's not a rumor; it's true."

You can find even nastier rumors of a sex tape here and here (BTW, if it's true, can't wait for THAT to find its way onto YouTube...).

As if Clarett hadn't gone out of his way enough by entertaining us all summer, he is apparently single-handedly responsible for giving us our top recruit in 2003.

Wow, thanks Maurice.


Mo: expect a "Thank You" note from The Realests as soon as you get back to your cell...


We wonder if Ron English treats Prescott like The Waterboy and just tells him to pretend he's hitting Maurice on every play...

IS LLOYD ON CIALIS?

As noted earlier, there's something a little different about Lloyd Carr these days. He's upbeat and energized. Like Michigan, the man has his swagger back.

Like those erectile-disfunction commercials on TV, we couldn't quite put our finger on it. Has Lloyd lost weight? Did he get his hair cut? Or is it something else...

Kudos to the first person who sends in a picture of Lloyd on the sidelines with a tent in his pants...


A new man?

LLOYD CARR ON THE JIM ROME SHOW?

What has gotten into Lloyd Carr?

Did everyone see Mr. "I don't give a damn what anybody else thinks" smiling ear-to-ear at the half? And did we really just step on Notre Dame's face in the 2nd half, instead of pissing the lead away?

Here's the kicker: Lloyd is going to be on the Jim Rome radio show this afternoon at 2:00 p.m. That's right. The coach that humiliated ABC's Todd Harris on national TV has agreed to be interviewed by the guy that repeatedly called NFL QB Jim Everett "Chris" and wrote this preview of the Notre Dame game:

"They’re coming and Lloyd Carr knows it. They keep saying they’re not the team they were last year when they went 7-5, but I’m not buying it. At least not yet, so don’t tell me that."

If Lloyd calls him "Romey", my head will explode...

NOTRE DAME POST-GAME REACTION

We've been some of Michigan football's harshest critics. We won't shy away from that fact.

But after yesterday's game, we have just one thing to say:


Peekaboo!

WHO'S THE WORST RAPPER IN RAP?

During our trek to Ann Arbor, Varun and I listened to the radio for the first time in years. We hate to sound cliche, but hip-hop really is dead. Here are the rappers we blame most for its demise:

MURPHY LEE

Real Name: Tohri Harper
Age: 24
Hometown: St. Louis, MO
Albums: Murphy's Law
Crew: St. Lunatics
Quotable: "See I'm starving like Marvin gurl - I've got sixteen bars of firrre"
Sport's Equivalent: Manny Ramirez - really dim-witted, in a childish sort of way
Comment: Fitting album title - wonder if Murphy has any idea what it means...

JUELZ SANTANA

Real Name: LaRon James
Age: 23
Hometown: Harlem, NY
Albums: From Me To U, What The Game's Been Missing!
Crew: The Diplomats
Beef: Ma$e
Quotable: "I'm a baller baller, you're not at all a baller"
Sport's Equivalent: Delmon Young - young, brash and stupid
Comment: Definitely the dumbest rapper in the game - this guy once said he worshipped Mohammed Atta for his "courage behind the wheel of the plane"

MA$E

Real Name: Mason Betha
Age: 29
Hometown: Jacksonville, FL
Albums: Harlem World, Double Up, Welcome Back
Crew: G-Unit
Beef: The Diplomats, Fabolous, Loon
Quotable: "Paint my picture, clear as Mozart"
Sport's Equivalent: Johnnie Morton - huge pretty boy
Comment: Hey Ma$e, wasn't Mozart a musician?

YOUNG BUCK

Real Name: David Brown
Age: 25
Hometown: Nashville, TN
Albums: Straight Outta Ca$hville
Crew: G-Unit
Beef: Cash Money, The Game, Ja Rule
Quotable: "We showed love but wasn't no love showed back - Whoa Kemo Sabe, what part of the game is that?"
Sport's Equivalent: Pacman Jones - grimey
Comment: Fortunately, we can't understand a word he is saying anyway

JIMMY JONES

Real Name: Joseph Jones
Age: 30
Hometown: Harlem, NY
Albums: On My Way To Church
Crew: The Diplomats
Beef: Ma$e, Loon, Tru Life, Nas, Junior M.A.F.I.A. - pretty much everyone
Quotable: "Call me Richochet Rabbit, cause I click and spray matics"
Sport's Equivalent: Danny Fortson - just a punk
Comment: The guy calls himself "One Eye Willie", which is really funny... if you're in 3rd grade

CAM'RON

Real Name: Cameron Giles
Age: 30
Hometown: Harlem, NY
Albums: Confessions of Fire, S.D.E., Come Home With Me, Purple Haze, Killa Season
Crew: The Diplomats
Beef: Jay-Z, Junior M.A.F.I.A., Ma$e
Quotable: "Just hear woop, woop, whant, whant, beep, beep"
Sport's Equivalent: Damon Jones - all style, no substance
Comment: Cam, we can't take you seriously with that coat on


Dishonorable mention: Lil' Scrappy, Birdman, Ying Yang Twins, Lloyd Banks, The Game

REALEST OF THE WEEK

Courtesy of Every Day Should Be Saturday and J. Brady McCollough, we've stumbled upon a video of Chad Henne's high school coach, Jim Cantafio, giving the team a pep talk in 2003. As EDSBS points out, maybe this is why Henne is such a headcase.

There are so many ways to make fun of this video, but writing would just be cheating you from viewing.

Let's just hope Danny isn't in some psychiatric ward right now...

P.S. Fortunately, this psycho has since been busted.

WORST U.S. CITY: BALTIMORE OR CINCINNATI?

Varun and I can't reach a consensus on the worst city in America: Baltimore or Cincinnati (sorry Steiny). Both riddled with murder, drugs, racism, poverty and pretty much anything else that makes a city miserable, it's just too close to call. You be the judge:

BALTIMORE

Setting of: "The Wire"
Better Known as... U.S. Murder Capital AND Heroin Capital
Cry for help: New slogan, "Get In On It"
Quotable: "A hopeless, depressed, unemployed, crack-addicted city" - Baltimore's image consultant
Telling Sign: Paid image consultant $500,000 for aforementioned shitty slogan.

CINCINNATI

Setting of: "Traffic"
Better Known as... The Nati
Cry for help: Jacking Charlotte's slogan, "The Queen City"
Quotable: "Everybody knows (Hitler) was good at the beginning but he just went too far" - Marge Schott, former Cincinnati Reds owner
Telling Sign: Jerry Springer was Mayor

DREW HENSON UPDATE!

With the Willie Williams Sweepstakes over, we now turn our attention to Drew Henson. Is Drew the heir apparent to Peyton Manning? From the AP:

The Colts might have an interest in signing former Dallas Cowboys quarterback Drew Henson, but Dungy cautioned that it was no greater than the Colts have in any other player.

"We look at everybody that comes across the waiver wire and we probably called his (Henson's) agent," Dungy said. "We've probably done that with 80 guys. Are we going to bring in all 80 guys? No. We want to know where he is and we've probably got his phone number."

Then Dungy brought up a similar rumor that emerged last season when the Colts were thought to be interested in Tim Couch. The deal never materialized.

"We have his number, too," Dungy said. "But there is no imminent plan to bring Drew Henson in right now."

"There's always going to be haters" - Drew Henson

TONY DING: WORKING HIS WAY TO A PULITZER

Remember that scene in Zoolander where the photographer throws bananas at Ben Stiller and screams, "You're a monkey, Derek!!!"?

That's about how we picture Tony Ding at work. Take a look at some of his finest photos from Michigan Media Day, followed by what Ding was probably telling them at the time....

JAKE LONG

"Yes, Jake - hold the ball like it's a coconut dripping with juice!"

LEON HALL

"Look mean, Leon! GRRRR!!!!"

ALAN BRANCH

"Excellent Alan, you don't have a care in the world - Hooray!!!!

ZOLTAN MESKO

"OK Zoltan, what the hell are you doing?"

MIKE HART

"That's right, Mike - you're shadow boxing... bob and weave, bob and weave!"

LET'S JUST GET THIS STAT OUT OF THE WAY...

Michigan's 1st Road Game Since 2000:

2005 - at Wisconsin, L (23-20)
2004 - at Notre Dame, L (28-20)
2003 - at Oregon, L (31-27)
2002 - at Notre Dame, L (25-23)
2001 - at Washington, L (23-18)
2000 - at UCLA, L (23-20)

DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK: GUNSTON STAYS

It's times like these that remind us why we run this blog...

So I'm looking through the Washington Post today when I realize The Realests have been cited by another major media outlet. Shown here (third post from the top... BTW, we love how we are listed after NPR as if we are a legit news source...), the blog partially credits us with the firestorm created about Gunston's ouster with this blog entry.

But first, a quick refresher. Associate Athletic Director Andy Ruge on Gunston in June:

"We need to develop a mascot with a strong image, more of an immediate connection with George Mason, something our community would be proud to have."

"It would be nice if a freshman could see him and go, 'Hey, that's our mascot' instead of going 'What's that?' "

Well, just 3 months after announcing he would no longer be the "primary mascot", GMU has given in to the fans' demands. From University spokesman Dan Walsch:

"It's is here to stay, and we're looking to give Gunston a makeover. That'll be the only change, but the decision of the university is that he is very much here to stay. When the spotlight went on the university in the Final Four we thought the feelings Gunston helped generate were positive. We thought the character did a good job of being fun and representing the school, and we thought he was not only worth keeping but enhancing his look and if anything making him more visible...The general feeling from what I hear is that Gunston is very positively received, that people like him and it's good that we're keeping him."

We want to thank all our readers.

As we've said from the beginning: This isn't just a blog, it's a movement.

Of course, this isn't over. First, we want this ass clown Ruge to step down immediately (direct hate mail here).

Second, let's hope Gunston holds a presser and pulls a Mike James, saying he has been treated like a cheap prostitute.

Join us in celebration by becoming Gunston's friend on Facebook.


"I'm back, bitches!!!!"

WHERE'S GRAHAM-BO?

As you can see below, The Realests received a tip this morning: "A reliable source tells me that Graham Brown shipped out to Portugal last week to begin his professional basketball career."

Unfortunately, our search through Nexis and USbasket.com was also unsuccesful. Personally, we're still reeling from the fact Graham wasn't on an opening day NFL roster.

Keep checking USbasket.com for word on Graham. This site is the authority on the whereabouts of former NCAA basketball players.

A small sample of Michigan alumni:

Josh "Ass Face" Asselin: Richoh-Manresa (Spain)

Chris "Big Game" Hunter: Sion Herens Basket (Switzerland)

Travis Conlan: Liege (Belgium)

LaVell Blanchard: Oldenburg (Germany)

& the original animal...

Chris Young: BBC Royal Atomia Brussels (Belgium)

We will certainly keep you updated as soon as we hear about Graham...


Sending players to Europe must be a big selling point to recruits...

BENNIE-BALL IS BACK!

The Realests are proud to announce that, after missing three full NFL seasons due to injury, former Michigan tight end Bennie Joppru had the CHANCE to play yesterday in the Houston Texans' opener.

Unfortunately - by the looks of the box score - he didn't. But after missing two years with a sports hernia and one with a torn ACL, standing on the sidelines is a big moral victory for Bennie.

Now if only he could break his 3rd string tie with Mark Bruener, who shouldn't even be in the league right now.

Making his story even more tear-jerking is an article that ran in last week's Minneapolis Star Tribune:

Bennie Joppru was an All-America tight end and captain at the University of Michigan when the Texans drafted him. Then-offensive coordinator Chris Palmer had big plans for him, but Joppru, who never had been hurt at Michigan or as a three-year starter at Minnetonka High School, missed every snap of his first three seasons because of serious injuries.

"Most people, myself included, would have said the heck with this," said Sheldon, a former North Dakota star who played two seasons at tight end for Detroit and Shreveport in the old World Football League in 1974-75.

"But Bennie said to me, `Dad, I don't care if I ever play a down in the NFL. But I'm going to work my butt off so that if I don't make it back, no one can say I didn't work hard enough to make it happen.' "

Hang in there, Bennie!

EDDIE SUTTON: STILL A DICK

Decided to check in with our boy Eddie Sutton today. I'll admit, I'm a little biased. I will always hate Eddie for running Kentucky's program into the ground. But now I've found a new reason: indirectly citing God as the reason he drove drunk.

From the AP:

"I won a lot of games, but in this business I feel I can save a lot of lives," Sutton said. "That's a lot bigger. After I came out publicly that I admitted I was intoxicated -- not that it was a reason, but I was in such pain, I had back problems -- I think God might have intervened.

"He said, 'You've coached long enough. Now I want you to go out and do something that's really worthwhile."'

That's right Eddie, God had you drive drunk. Paris Hilton should ditch the "In 'N Out" defense for this one...


The face of an angel?

CMU'S KELLY TO TEAM UP WITH BOCCHER?

Call us crazy, but it really bothers us that offensive coordinator Mike DeBord got fired as CMU's head coach for this guy, Brian Kelly.

In case you missed it, Kelly made two of the dumbest coaching decisions ever against Boston College last week.

#1: Trailing 10-3 in the 2nd quarter, went for it from his own 28 on 4th and 8. After an incompletion, BC scored a touchdown four plays later.

#2: CMU's "swinging gate" play, in which the offensive lineman stayed in their stance on the opposite hashmark while their quarterback ran for his life and threw a game-clinching interception.

On top of that, the Free Press said Kelly "vowed to be unpredictable" against Big Blue.

We realized there's only one way for Kelly to top himself: showing up with Jim Boccher as the new special teams coach.

Remember, Boccher's had three years to prepare a trick play to stick it to Lloyd...

MY ENCOUNTER WITH GREATNESS

I knew it would take a big event to get me back into the blogging world. Little did I know that the biggest and best moment of my life would occur today.

I just shook Jack Bauer's hand.

I'll let you marinate on that for a second.

...

That's right. I was on my way back from the gym, walking down 16th street, when I noticed a white glow from a distance. The person was moving with confidence and charisma, a veritable beacon of power in the New York City landscape. As I got closer, I started to realize that something great was going to happen. When I was about 10 feet away, I realized that it was Keifer Sutherland/Jack Bauer.

Ladies and gentlemen, Real recognized Real.

I don't remember much about the enounter. I do remember that he was wearing jeans, a long white sleeved t-shirt, and aviators. He was also carrying a brown shopping bag. I guess he got tired of the messenger bag from Season 5.

My brain started spinning - what do I do? What do I say? Should I turn and run and hope that his instinct will kick in and that he would tackle me and start yelling at me to tell him where the bomb/president/his daughter were?? Is he one of the 4,745 people that has seen my Almeida impression? Does he love my Almeida impression? Did he ever consider firing the guy who plays Almeida so that I could be on the show? What was in the brown shopping bag? A deadly virus? Guns? Nina Meyer's head? Did I have information that would allow him to save the world? Was Tony Almeida giving him directions? Was I in any sort of direct danger being within 5 feet of THE GREATEST AMERICAN IN HISTORY?

I composed myself. With any other celebrity I would have made an ass out of myself. But with Jack...well, you don't screw around. Plus, I didn't want him to kick my ass. Or maybe I did want him to kick my ass. I'm not sure. Here's a transcript of our conversation.

Me: Keifer?
Keifer: Yeah?
Me (extending my hand): I'm a big fan, man.
Keifer (shaking my hand): Thanks. I appreciate it.

Then we parted ways. As I walked away I think my life flashed before my eyes. And I swear I heard a voice in the distance calling my name about 10 seconds after we walked away from each other. Maybe the moment meant as much to him as it did to me.


JB in the place to be

MEISEL GIVES REALESTS SHOUT-OUT (KINDA)

Check out this recent article in the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle:

They'll also learn about how he once appeared on The Howard Stern Show after winning its "Take a porn star to the prom" contest.

"No one up here really knew about that story," he said. "But I guess it must have appeared on some Internet site recently because more and more people have been asking me about it."

For the record, Meisel said he never did get to take the porn star to the prom because his parents and the school put the kibosh on it.

"Let's just say, neither my mom and dad or school administrators were too pleased about the idea," Meisel said, grinning.

First, this writer jacked Deadspin's word usage of "kibosh."

Second, we take FULL responsibility for Max Meisel becoming the BMOC at Syracuse and feel like the kid is indebted, to be quite honest (we'll pass on 'Cuse football tickets). For now, we'll have to settle for Meisel accepting us as facebook friends today...

Max: Don't forget the little people (no pun intended... wait, that was totally intended)

RETURN OF THE KING?

As if we didn't have enough to worry about on Sept. 30th with Alex Daniels and Amir Pinnix, it appears "Michigan killer" Gary Russell is trying to make a comeback with the Golden Gophers.

From the St. Paul Pioneers Press: "Star running back Gary Russell, who became academically ineligible at the University of Minnesota, has enrolled at Columbus (Ohio) State Community College with plans to re-enroll at Minnesota in January. Russell has two seasons of potential eligibility left with the Gophers."

"Lloyd?!?!?!?!?!?!"

REALEST OF THE WEEK

Nothing like a 36-year old dude leveling a Pee-Wee leaguer (with the actual link this time)...

ESPN'S FLORIDA STATE-MIAMI PREVIEW

My head almost exploded from watching College Gameday's preview of FSU-Miami on "Sportscenter." I shit you not, the top bars read like this:

Lee's Key to the Game: FSU pressure on Kyle Wright
Lou's Key to the Game: Miami pressure on Drew Weatherford
Mark's Key to the Game: Offensive line play
Kirk's Key to the Game: QB play will decide the outcome

Man, Gameday must have spent all offseason breaking down this one...


Pure evil

LLOYD SUCCOMBS TO PRESSURE, VISORS?

As we've come to expect from Michigan football's major media outlets, there was nothing but glowing praise after Big Blue's snoozer over Vanderbilt.

The Free Press praised the Ron English defense, while the Ann Arbor News raved about the new zone blocking. Jim Carty went so far as to write in his column, "the problems were mostly self-inflicted and thus very fixable." Uh, right... how long have you been covering this team? (And yeah, we took it out of context, and we'll do it again...)

On the other hand, we're working on a point-counterpoint on what's more entertaining to watch: Michigan football or old people having sex (stay tuned).

In the meantime, we offer you an observation from Saturday's game. In an attempt to get Michigan's swagger back, has Lloyd Carr lifted his ban on visors?

He's never spoken of a ban, but The Realests have long suspected this is the case. Think: what was the last time you saw a Michigan player with an eye shield? Our best guess is Charles Woodson in the 1998 Rose Bowl.

But on Saturday, several players were donning the new look, most noticeably Steve Breaston and Kevin Grady. Is this Lloyd's last gasp for swagger? We say yes.


We wanna know who has the balls to get the Maize visor....