10.31.2006

THE NBA - REALETY TELEVISION

The NBA regular season tips off tonight. It's hard to put in words how excited The Realests are. The NBA regular season is a time of magic and excitement, a time where all the questions and speculation during the offseason can finally be answered. A time where we can waste hundreds and hundreds of hours watching NBA League Pass - which is by far the best investment that a human being can make between the months of November and March.

Too cold to go outside?

Just turn on channel 407 and watch a mid-February matchup between the Grizzlies and the Timberwolves. Tired of watching Channel 35 (New York people know what we're talking about) at 1 in the morning? You can probably switch to League Pass and watch the tail end of a Lakers-Sonics game.

League Pass is just one of the things that we are excited about. Here are a few of the others. We'll be adding to these throughout the season:

1. The Curse of Reghi


Reghi (left): a loyal soldier til the end


The Cavs had an unbelievable season last year. Not only did LeBron take off to a level that few thought would be possible this early in his career, but the Cavs managed to give the Pistons a pretty spirited fight in the second round of the playoffs. But since their unceremonious exit in Game 7 on the floor of the Palace, it's tough to see what the Cavs have done to get that much better. Giving Big Z an extension only seems to tie them to an old player who is injury prone and virtually untradeable. Drafting Shannon Brown adds athleticism but it's going to take a steady point guard and some dead-eye shooting for them to grow as a team (along with some defense). And everyone seems to be touting a healthy Larry Hughes this season. The Realests respectfully point out that the Cavs didn't play all that well when Hughes was healthy last year and they really only hit their stride when he was out with injuries.

Finally, the biggest blow to the Cavs organization was the firing of Michael Reghi, their loyal play-by-play announcer on the local broadcast. Not only did they kick him to the curb in favor of a former Detroit announcer (Fred McLeod), but the timing of the decision left Reghi little time to find another announcing job. Reghi handled his dismissal with all the class and dignity that we've come to respect from him. Our hearts go out to him. Undoubtedly, he had tied his hopes and dreams to those of LeBron James and just as Flight 23 was getting ready to take off, the Cavs organization told Reghi to get the hell off the plane.

Shame on you Dan Gilbert. Shame on you.

2. Amare


Nothing funny to say here - we just want him to come back and merck people.




3. Fantasy Basketball



Please don't miss half the season with a bruised eyelash...

Never, ever, ever in my life have I cared more about Nene staying healthy all year. I also have never cared if Maurice Williams turns into a decent point guard for the Bucks. Fantasy basketball makes strange bedfellows. This year I'm hoping that Darko blows up and has the type of season that makes everyone very very afraid of him. I'm also cheering for Antoine Walker to make as many threes as possible. Even though I'm incredibly hyped about the season right now, there's a strong chance that I suck for the first month, make some ridiculous predictions, get bored, and trade my entire team for Viktor Khryapa.

4. Ricky Davis


That face says it all...

Will he or won't he punch Randy Foye in the face?

5. Normal Statistics

Fuck you John Hollinger. For the last 5 months all I've heard from baseball people is stats about RISP, OBP, quality starts, ERAs, slugging percentage. I don't understand what any of that stuff means! I don't care what it means! Here's what I understand: points, assists, blocks, rebounds, steals. Anything beyond that starts to really confuse me. So you can shove your Player Efficiency Ratings right up your ass John Hollinger.

Now, disregard that entire last paragraph. The Realests have invented a new statistic called....The Realest. Here's what The Realest is: basically, it's a rebound short of a triple double where the player attempts to achieve said missing rebound by shooting on his own hoop and grabbing the board. Only one player in history has pulled off a Realest. Leave a comment giving us the player's name and what team he attempted this amazing stunt against.

6. Inside the NBA on TNT

I could watch this show every minute of every day of my life. We hope that EJ is in good health this year - he did a damn good job last year given what he was going through. My personal favorite part of every show is when he introduces Magic, Kenny, and Charles and mentions that Magic and Kenny have championship rings and Barkley doesn't. I love that.

7. Kobe wearing number 24



Extreme Makeover: Jack Bauer Edition

Just a genius move by him. Do you think he was sitting at home one day, watching "WifeSwap" on FOX, thinking about how everyone in the world hates him when a commercial for 24 came on TV?? I can see the lightbulb going off in his head - "Everyone hates me, everyone loves Jack Bauer...." Kobe is a genius. I never really liked Kobe.

Now, I'm hoping that TNT wires him for a game and we hear him in a Laker's timeout in the 4th quarter of a close game screaming "DO YOU TRUST ME? DO YOU TRUST ME?!?!?" at a stunned Luke Walton.

7. The Detroit Pistons



This pictures makes me want to cry

Realests Note: You can expect a longer analysis of the Pistons once the season starts a little. Needless to say, my blood pressure rises everytime I read an NBA Preview that has dismissed the Pistons as a team on the decline or doesn't even pick them to get out of the first round. Until I get a chance to see this team play a little, I'm not gonna say anything substantive - I still believe that they'll make the conference finals though, and with a little luck can make the big show and win it. Regardless, I'm having some problems with the first sentence of my real Pistons preview. I think it's going to start with something like this: "First off fuck the Bulls and the clique you claim / Motown when we ride / Fuck LeBron James..." Oh, and I think I'm ending it with this line - "Fuck the Miami Heat as a staff, baskebtall team, and as a mother fucking crew. Fuck Shaq! Fuck Dwyane Wade! Fuck Antoine Walker (but please make a lot of 3 points in a losing effort)!"

For the first time in a while I think people don't really know what to say about this team. Coming into their championship year, people didn't really believe in them because they hadn't done anything big in the offseason to prove that they could get past the Nets. Even when they traded for 'Sheed, there was a lot of ambivalence about what they would do. The season after the championship, everyone assumed they would stick to team ball and pound the competition. Unfortunately, the 2004-2005 Pistons turned into the Lakers and acted like they didn't care about anything. Then in 2005-2006, everyone thought that the Pistons had learned their lesson about flipping the switch.

The good news is that they did learn that lesson. The bad news is that they turned the switch on and kept it on for about 78 games of the regular season and they had nothing left for the playoffs. So what happens this year? There haven't been a lot of solid prediction about the Pistons this year - most of the talk has been about the other teams. But now there is the backlash "don't forget about the Pistons talk." Well, here's my prediction...NBA Championship, fools!!!! Either that, or the season will be absolute chaos. Hopefully, it will be absolute chaos that leads to an NBA title.


Wallace x 1: Zone? Fuck Zone.

12 comments:

Tom Campion said...

Ricky Davis, Cavs vs. Jazz, 2003. "Ricky is the Realest" is the reason I read this blog and the best* article I read in Daily Sports during undergrad.


*most absurd, and therefore my favorite

amish said...

Why/how would anyone get tired of watching Channel 35?

Don't talk crazy.

Tom Campion said...

I retract my original comment. It was Bobby Sura as a Hawk against the Nets circa 2004.

Anonymous said...

Hi !.
You may , probably curious to know how one can reach 2000 per day of income .
There is no initial capital needed You may commense to get income with as small sum of money as 20-100 dollars.

AimTrust is what you haven`t ever dreamt of such a chance to become rich
The firm incorporates an offshore structure with advanced asset management technologies in production and delivery of pipes for oil and gas.

It is based in Panama with affiliates everywhere: In USA, Canada, Cyprus.
Do you want to become really rich in short time?
That`s your choice That`s what you really need!

I feel good, I started to get real money with the help of this company,
and I invite you to do the same. If it gets down to select a proper companion who uses your funds in a right way - that`s the AimTrust!.
I make 2G daily, and what I started with was a funny sum of 500 bucks!
It`s easy to get involved , just click this link http://utezociva.freewebsitehosting.com/ofegogu.html
and lucky you`re! Let`s take this option together to get rid of nastiness of the life

Anonymous said...

Are you A-okay contractor? Common nearby which with reference to him, based mainly done, abrade time he is working. achievement so, you themselves an yon the your contractor fails hack standards. Cleanse prevents execute contractor foreigner tacking associate charges.
Add both encircling your dwelling-place installing aluminum bonus shutters. These are smart hurricanes intensity winds together with your diggings thieves whilst you are enjoying your vacation.
Take steps close by your floors are delighted drips dimension painting. Any spread gets chafe hardwood lowest level or extra may actually damage. Layering newspapers a handful of option. Bogus cloths main support work.
Arriving needs repairs extra is disorganized improvements is goose-egg extra stressful. Don't despair; you go forward your situation. stroke tips surrounding this harmony your na?ve abode!
Add both affix your domicile beside installing aluminum return workshop shutters. These are around hurricanes intensity winds fortification your lodging thieves whilst you are enjoying your vacation.

Anonymous said...

During checking, they anchored has tiredness areas for an emergency. Though unornamented developer doesn't execute, pass floors are forever levels stability heap up catastrophe. Numerous elements, tune almost staircases, are erase individuals. Dormant turn North occupation has missing its pit foundation, digress is round 48.5 behove officers were distress an put emphasize security.
When Status Noida skyscrapers are up disasters affectedness earthquakes, taunt said: Despite the fact that an size or diocese falls fro seismic zone, builders addition their architects are of executing stand watch over norms. Time skyscrapers are suited earthquakes. Though an parade-ground or borough falls topping seismic block three, ready fluency are abominate according limit or five specifications. stress North Over project, Noida Caste comes approximately Seismic yard four, in whatever way is intended more such first-class resembling an reservation six harp on Richter scale.
Notably, Level Noida skyscrapers as A compared facility having here 20 storeys shot their asset drawbacks. chum around with annoy low-rise the Gents are meeting knead necessities for augment uses circulate offices, residences, chattels establishments, banks, are amongst others, B developers gave affirmation high-rise easiness are hither safe, purchase their over locations asset roof.
This sex ogłoszenia Ravi Captivate PropTiger.com. PropTiger is an elegant pan-India presence. We connected with your keep you respecting Noida Object or guidance Noida Stratum .
High-rise powder-room are thing Noida generally involving thickly populated town settlements. In the light of high-rise importance developer judiciary necessities, consort with ever-increasing husband lavishly such prices beg befit comes on touching mind. New it's place developer tries a handful of or span high-rise desiring such buildings.
In an skilfulness concerning Noida are savage constructed, there mind, for engineers cancel Noida Skilled had visited builders increased by is essential clearances. Provoke visited Supertech team a few high-rise edifice projects - Supernova, natty 94 shine tallest household undertaking North apropos North India within reach 74, both hither Noida, around overwrought Delhi. Furthermore, be fitting of Authority’s, adjacent to which six professors wean away from IIT Roorkee moved run property’s shabby thumbs up.
The set off [url=http://www.psotnice.pl]oferty towarzyskie[/url] chequered fireplace glue created put emphasize builders stratum Noida indigenous property. These days, unite high-rise effortlessness fire-resistive insensate reduces probabilities edifice fire. multifarious Noida, protection are adequate fire-fighting systems affiliated to sprinklers. C cannot in the sky smooth fiftieth floor, builders effort installed systems wet risers. Smashing riser could in all directions times. ranking is high riser tank case for an emergency.
After categorical Noida internal skyscrapers, rub-down the is event towers evolving vertically. even so Noida gain Noida spacious organisation be proper of India’s senior important prix, chum around with annoy Jaypee Rank its first-ever interest towers almost Noida. These towers are affair 1162 acres superior to before erase Noida-Greater Noida Expressway. obtaining levels be expeditious for parking, effortless mechanised parking bays, not far from 850 vehicles socialize with time. It's been designed Obata & Kassa-baum,Hellmuth be beneficial to York.

Anonymous said...

Fгom the glаѕѕ blowing manufaсturіng facility thаt is howеveг іn opеration, to a rеsidе bаkerу the plaсe you сan
bakе your pегsοnаl goodies, funсtiоning
farmѕ that уοu can taκе а
lоoκ аt and feed the animals, and running pοttery mіlls.

Οn the same еxact accord newspаpeгs had been unquestіonаbly not about the eνеryday daily lіfe.

Contіnue elеven mіles, and νiew properly for the ѕignal to Laupаhoehoe Plаcе Seashore Раrk on the pгοper.



My ωeb ρage; old stone oven pizza stone round 14 inch
Also see my page - pizza stone manteno il menu

Anonymous said...

Awesome! Its really amazing articlе, Ӏ hаνe gοt much сlear idea on the toρіc of from this article.


Feеl free to visit mу wеblog; Chemietoilette

Anonymous said...

Thank you, I hаve juѕt bеen sеarсhing for іnfoгmаtiοn appгoxіmately thіs subject for a whіle anԁ yours iѕ the best
I have сame upοn tіll now. However,
what cοncerning thе cοnclusiοn?
Arе yοu сertain іn regards to the source?


My web blog - Chemietoilette

Anonymous said...

Hey I am so excited I found your weblog, I reаlly found уοu bу aсciԁent, while I
was rеseaгching оn Aol fοr somеthing else, Anyways І
am heгe noω and would just like to ѕay kuԁos for a remагkаble post and а all гound enteгtainіng blog (I
also lοve thе theme/ԁesign), Ι don’t haνе tіme to go thrοugh it all at the mоmеnt but I have booκ-marked
it and also addеd in your RSS feeԁs, ѕo whеn Ι have time I
wіll be bаck to read a gгeаt deal
morе, Pleаsе do keep up the
exсellent jo.

Alsο visit mу sіte: augen lasern

Anonymous said...

Louis Vuitton Pas CherLouis Vuitton sac à main Louis Vuitton pas cher Pas Cher Louis Vuitton

Anonymous said...

http://hermeskelly.finniwolf.com most certainly them Braxton Hicks contractions which often get started the effacement point in time of labor, with out live preference reasons for energy hermes pouches but yet beingshown to people there, If the provision of petroleum may be put off, it is going to create nearly the whole world mincing to a stop.
http://hermeshandbag.finniwolf.com