THE REALESTS' SUPER BOWL QUIZ-O-FUN

Sorry it's been a little slow on the blog lately, folks.

I've been busy working on some projects for work, in particular THE GREATEST SUPER BOWL QUIZ EVER (UPDATE: Sorry, I'm really bad with links... I promise it works this time) for this site, hofmag.com. With all these kinds of quizzes out there with questions like, "Why did Eugene Robinson get arrested before the Super Bowl?", I stuck with only questions I didn't know the answers to.

Here's a quick preview:

1) Which A-list celebrity was involved in 1985's Super Bowl XIX between San Francisco and Miami?
A. Jake Gyllenhaal worked as ball boy
B. Teri Hatcher was 49ers cheerleader
C. Matthew McConaughey directed traffic
D. Gwen Stefani danced in the halftime show

P.S. Varun and I are still trying to figure out the logistics of our annual Super Bowl running blog since I will be at work during the game. We'll do our best, people.

ZUBINO ON 24: IS HELL FREEZING OVER?

The Great Zubino
Realests Correspondent

After watching what I thought to be the best four episodes to be back-to-back-to-back-to-back in 24 history, I thought I could count on the writers not to leave me bored. Then the fifth hour came and the writers made the most ridiculous plot jump ever, Jack’s brother being the terrorist advisor to President Logan in Season 5.

This week, in the 6th hour- I’m in shock.

The show is being based of characters that we have never seen before this season, and quite frankly (suck it Steven A. Smith), I couldn’t care less about Walid getting the hell knocked out of him. I doubt anyone cares what happens to him or his girlfriend Sandra Palmer (who hasn’t showed up before this season, never even mentioned). It’s also lame that their making Graem Bauer have a part in every terrorist activity that is going on… it’s just pure coincidence that Jack’s brother is on the dark side, right?

Don’t get me wrong, 24 is pretty much my life. I wake up, go to school talk about 24 with friends and teachers, come home and go online to talk about 24, play the 24 video game, go to sleep and dream about 24, rinse-recycle-repeat.

But unless next week’s episode makes up for these past two shitty weeks, I will only have one belief: The world is coming to an end.

OUR NEWEST COMMENT ON "24"

This has to be the worst episode of 24 yet.

We will never forgive the show for the Walid storyline.

I wanna know which writer said this:

"You know the whole Walid plot... I think I gotta it figured out... let's have the whole thing in the detention center lead to....................... NOTHING!"

Genius 24.

REMINDER: SIMS-ODEN I ON FEBRUARY 6TH

Time is running out for Courtney Sims.

After his courageous performance against Indiana (11 PTS, 6 REB), all that stands between Sims and a smackdown is Iowa.

$20 says Courtney comes down with mono the night before the game...


Greg Oden eats pieces of shit like Courtney Sims for breakfast...

PRODIGAL SON WILLIE WILLIAMS IS BACK!

Last we heard, Willie Williams was headed to West Los Angeles College to keep playing football. Needless to say, we were a little concerned Willie was going to get caught up in the wrong crowd again and start gangbangin'.

So imagine our unbridled joy when it just came across ESPN's zipper that Big Willie Style is headed to play for Louisville! (Editor's note: I'm a complete jackass for saying Louisville is in the ACC, obviously I just lost my mind after the hearing this news)

Kudos to Steve Kragthorpe for starting out his program by giving an 11th chance to a kid that was arrested 10 times in high school and poetically detailed his recruiting trips in the Miami Herald.

As the AOL FanHouse points out, there is already a defensive lineman that starts for the 'Ville with the same name. It's only a matter of time until Willie punches him in the face.

It's a damn shame Miami and Louisville don't play next year, but we're sure Willie will have his revenge in this life or another...

Time to pound fools...

REALEST OF THE WEEK: NBDL'S "DA BULL"

You know somebody must have done something special if we are picking the Realest of the Week from the D-league.

Well that somebody was the Austin Toros mascot "Da Bull", who ran on the court in the final second of yesterday's game to hang on the rim, thus colliding with an opposing player.

Somewhere, Moondog is smiling.

Da Bull got teed up, but fortunately it didn't cost the Toros the game.

We've been waiting for the guillotine to drop and did it ever: The Toros have suspended Da Bull for two games AND assigned him to 50 hours of community service. 50 hours?! Hell, Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson got the same sentence for the "Malice at the Palace."

We might have to go on a mascot crusade again like we did for Gunston.

Hang in there, buddy...

REALESTS' EARLY MOCK NFL DRAFT

I know the Super Bowl hasn't even been played yet, but I got a little carried away and did a mock draft for NBC Sports.

As you can imagine, my integrity is being seriously questioned around here after placing two Michigan Men in the top 10.

ZUBINO ON 24: WHAT WENT WRONG?

The Great Zubino
Realests Correspondent

Bauer isn’t God’s child?

Every Monday morning, I go to school with one thing in mind. Jack Bauer. During all of my classes and through the day, all I can think about is the heavenly figure that is Bauer. I guess the reason I think this way (and which many do) is because we want to be Bauer… minus the 20 months in Chinese camp.

But when this Monday’s episode showed that Bauer had a mom, dad, and brother, I went into a state of shock. We have known Jack for 6 seasons now, and we have never heard one mention of his family, besides spouses and children. The writers for 24 are trying to do too much, tie in the unanswered questions from last season into this one. And in addition- making it so his brother is a terrorist or connected to them, and to not have Jack talk to his father for 9 years. They are introducing too many new parts to old stories (Sandra Palmer, the Bauer family).

There is definitely bad blood in the family, and if I ever found out Varun was terrorist, let’s just say it would be worse than when I spanked him 85-36 in NCAA ’07.

"24" GOING STRAIGHT OFF THE DEEP END

What is there to say about this season of 24?

It sucks.

Who is writing this shit, Ray Benzino?

The bluetooth guy becoming Jack's evil twin brother was a sad attempt at a flip (trust us, it's a twin). The writing has gotten so poor at this point that when Milo asked who Graham Bauer was, we were half-expecting Chloe to say, "Duh! The evil mastermind behind last season!" It was only a small consolation that Jack tortured him.

And please, please stop Regina King.

She was much better in Jerry Maguire. There's only so much of this human rights crap we can take. And what's the deal with her acting like her husband is in serious danger? It's not like they are armed with uzis - THEY'RE IN A DETENTION FACILITY!

And aren't they reusing the plot line of Karen Hayes vs. power-hungry right winger? Not to mention the fact that Thomas Lennox (Peter MacNicol) even looks like Miles (Stephen Spinella).

We'll only stop blogging now because between 24 and the Sports Guy, we're not sure if the world is going to shit or we are becoming morbidly depressed and lashing out at everything that's close to us.

Maybe it's time to bring Nina Meyers back from the dead...

BAUER'S RETURN

Bauer came back like cooked crack this week. It felt like seeing an old friend after years of being apart. Except, this friend was sent to China and tortured continuously for the past few years while not saying a single word through his entire captivity. Needless to say, he was a sight for sore eyes.

But things felt different seeing Jack on the screen. He didn't have that same glint in his eye, that same killer instinct. It worried us. Maybe he'd lost a step. Maybe the two years of brutal torture had just been too difficult. Maybe Jack was tired of saving everyone's lives one more time.

Well, turns out that we were totally wrong to worry about Jack. The real answer to the change in Jack's appearance is the fact that he's turned into a vampire. That's right. A vampire. Proof? He bit a guy's neck off to escape and we're almost positive that he enjoyed it. Right before he spat out the blood that was spilling out of his mouth, he swallowed a little and smiled. Go back and check your TIVO's - it's all there. Also, he's been forced to live in the dark for the last few years, and we all know that vampires hate sunlight.

Needless to say, we've always loved 24 because of the unexpected flips. Last season, we started to think that the expectation of constant flips was inconsistent with the fliptastic nature of the program. But, this flip was totally unforeseen. So, kudos 24 - you've kept us on our toes yet again. Vampire Jack is much more of a flip that terrorists blowing up a nuclear weapon in the middle of Los Angeles. I can't wait to see how this plays out...

Also, Jack being a vampire explains why he hasn't died in the last 5 seasons. He's already dead...or undead...whatever, you get the point.

EUROPEANS' CURE FOR BARBARO: BONFIRE

It probably doesn't help that we've been dropping acid all day, but this gallery of a horse riding through a bonfire is pretty tripped-out. Apparently, this is all part of celebrating the Feast of San Anton, the patron saint of animals in Spain.

The best part: this is how animals were thought to be purified during medieval times. Good thing Barbaro ended up on this side of the pond....


Isn't there a PETA over there???

REALEST OF THE WEEK: WAYNE HUIZENGA

I thought Dolphins owner Wayne Huizenga was starting to lose his mind when he asked the media for coaching suggestions at a press conference announcing Nick Saban's departure.

Then he interviewed Giants defensive coordinator Tim Lewis, who got fired a couple days later.

Then he interviewed Jim Mora and Chan Gailey.

But Huizenga looks like a genius now for the newest Dolphins coaching candidate: Mike Shula.

That's right. The same guy that was just fired at Alabama and replaced by Nick Saban (and of course Don Shula's son).

Huizenga might as well have called the Alabama AD and told him, "Do you think I give a fuck about winning, cuz I don't..."


Bravo, Wayne. Bravo.

TONY ALLEN: THE NEW RICKY DAVIS?

It’s been a very disappointing year for Ricky Davis fans who are accustomed to Rick shooting at his own hoop or doing windmill dunks immediately after bricking a slam.

Sadly, it might be time to start thinking about the heir apparent...

Though J.R. Smith looks like Ricky Davis Jr., Tony Allen stated his case for the throne Wednesday night. In a stunt that has flown way under the radar, Allen blew his knee out in a desperate attempt at a continuation foul.

There’s only one word to describe this video: spectacular.



P.S. We love how his teammates carry him off like he's a pile of lumber at the end...

A PICTURE TO SAVOR IN THE OFFSEASON

After losing in Columbus, getting blown out by USC in the Rose Bowl and losing Alan Branch to the NFL, many Michigan fans are wondering if we are returning to our old form.

Thankfully, this image can bring a smile to our faces all offseason. Something you would assume only Michigan players are capable of, here is Bucknut Roy Hall twerking Tedd Ginn's ankle after the opening kickoff return for a touchdown on Monday.

Unless this results in Ginn returning for his senior year (i.e. Penn State's Paul Posluszny), this is easily one of the Top 10 moments of the year for Michigan football.

KISSING THE FREE THROW KISS GOODBYE

In Memoriam: J-Kidd's Free Throw Kiss
1996-2007

(UPDATE: Apparently, Kidd is still doing the blow kiss despite hating his wife. Who knows...) In all honesty, we really hated the free throw kiss and have been waiting years for Kidd to stop this spectacle. But now that the day has finally come, we feel empty inside...

P.S. Doesn't it seem backward to anyone that Jason is the one accusing her of "extreme cruelty"? Joumana's lawyer is going to have a field day in court: "In closing, I'd just like to remind you this man hit his wife.... over a french fry. Thank you, your honor."

REALEST OF THE WEEK: EARL HEYMAN

There's nothing better than a botched cliche coming from a football player.

Like this quote from Louisville defensive lineman Earl Heyman on the departure of Bobby Petrino:

"I think it'll bring us extra-closer. We've faced diversity this whole season."

Oh, Earl. You just gotta shake your head at that one.

This program is already coming apart at the seams...

FOX SPORTS BCS TITLE COVERAGE: DOH!

Just a little background for everyone: Fox acquired the rights to the BCS over TWO YEARS AGO. So I think it's fair to say the following is an inexcusable mistake just over 4 minutes into their national championship game coverage:

URBAN CRYER APPARENTLY NOT A GENIUS

(UPDATE: We get it, people. Urban Cryer is a genius. We are idiots.) Great piece by Shelley Smith of ESPN on how the Florida Gators are preparing for the national championship: having this guy impersonate Troy Smith on the scout team:

Troy? Is that you?

"Sunshine" (actual name Michael Guilford) is a freshman from Quincy, Florida. All I'm gonna say is that if he looks this scared shitless in the team photo, imagine his reaction when Jarvis Moss is chasing him around in practice.

I know it is just the scout team, but it's unacceptable for a powerhouse like Florida to prepare for a Heisman Trophy winner like this.

Hey Urban: maybe, just maybe you should have superfreak Tim Tebow doing double duty instead of practicing QB sneaks all day. Just a thought.

Realests' prediction: Florida 41, Ohio State 17 (Editor's note: We actually picked the opposite outcome, but didn't want to get blasted by the Gator nation after we looked like idiots. Would expect anything less stupid and juvenile from us? We hope not)

DREW HENSON VERY CLOSE TO DELUSIONAL

I decided to check in our favorite Michigan drop-out, Drew Henson.

After getting cut by the Minnesota Vikings, I wasn't sure if Drew was headed back to NFL Europe and just decided to hang it up altogether.

Well, the dream ain't dead yet.

According to the Saint Paul Pioneer Press, Henson was signed to his second stint on the Vikings practice squad just before Christmas. Ever the optimist, Drew still likes his chances:

"I'm still young. Before it's all said and done, I think it will be a pretty good story to tell."

Let's hope so Drew, because right now the story sucks ass.

But hey, when you are backing up Tarvaris Jackson and Brad Johnson, you can afford to be cocky.

P.S. Speaking of Michigan quarterbacks, Ryan Mallett is an absolute monster. He is destroying fools out there. And secondly, Jimmy Clausen isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. When accepting the U.S. Army trophy for Player of the Year, he said he would like to thank everyone "on behalf of the U.S. Army." Yikes.

IT SUCKS TO BE A MICHIGAN WOLVERINE

Well, there goes our run defense! It'll be all well and good until the last two weeks, when P.J. Hill and Chris Wells tear through our defense like paper bags.

From the Freep:

For those hoping Alan Branch stays at Michigan, don't hold your breath. As of Wednesday afternoon, a person in the U-M registrar's office said Branch was not enrolled for this semester's classes, which begin today.


Don't even try the puppy-dog eyes....

REALEST OF THE WEEK: DWAYNE BOWE

We were on the fence about this one and real close to already handing it out to Pat Robertson after his doomsday predictions, but LSU receiver Dwayne Bowe made a very early statement for 2007 Realest of the Year last night.

If you didn't catch last night's Sugar Bowl (or just turned it off because Notre Dame was getting hammered), you missed Terry Bradshaw tell a beautiful love story.

Apparently, Bowe has played much better this year after getting corrective eye surgery.

Surely Bowe is full of shit, but Bowe told Bradshaw that the first thing he did when he opened his newly fixed eyes is dump his girlfriend. Of course, you can't blame him considering this is a picture of his old flame.

With stuff like that, guys like Chad Johnson, Joe Horn and T.O. better work on their material.

ONLY 33 DAYS LEFT 'TIL "SIMS-ODEN I"

The countdown to Feb. 6 is inching closer and closer. We'd imagine Courtney is wetting the bed at this point.

Which do you think will be a more accurate depiction of their interaction: this picture or the following video?

1) Oden immediately bends Sims over and grinds from behind



















2) Oden never even notices Sims and racks up a quadruple double, while Courtney is left humping himself


Let's hope for Courtney's sake, it's #2.

BRETT FAVRE QUIZ... PLEASE FORGIVE ME

I know we all want to throw up on ourselves awaiting Brett Favre's decision about retirement. But seeing as this quiz I made barely appeared on NBC's website, I've decided to regurgitate it on the blog. Hey, it's a way to pass time at work. Cut me some slack.

There's some pretty interesting stuff in here, such as the following:

1. Brett Favre won a $100 bet with ex-Falcons coach Jerry Glanville after doing what?
A. Drinking a whole bottle of Jack Daniel's
B. Listing every county in Mississippi
C. Throwing football into stadium upper deck
D. Tackling wide receiver Andre Rison

BLOGGERS UNITE! FIRE LLOYD CARR!

Just kiddin', folks. But that was a miserable game. Have you ever heard a broadcast team spend more time talking about the blogosphere? Ridiculous.

A SHOUT-OUT TO CARY, NORTH CAROLINA

We'll admit it: we're obsessed with Site Meter. And it seems like every single time we click on the "Who's On?" feature, there's always one location reading some Realests: Cary, North Carolina.

Please, tell us a little bit about yourself. Stroke our ego for a bit too, while you're at it. Are you possibly the only person that thinks we are more totally sweet than even we think we are?

Tell us it's so....