That's right, it's again time to harp on all that plagues sports. The countdown rolls on with Part II of the Biggest Cancers in Sports (click here for Part I).

5. Milton Bradley

We gotta admit: If our name was Milton Bradley, we'd be pretty pissed off too. But no matter how much torture he endured as a child, no one could have predicted he'd turn into this monster.

In Cleveland he pissed off his own teammates so much by showboating after homers that a sign in his own clubhouse read: "Shut up and play." As a Dodger, he took his anger out on the balls. Always down for a reclamation project, even the A's shipped his ass out though he was batting near .300.

And in San Diego, well everyone knows how that turned out...

4. Ricky Davis

You know how we feel about Ricky D. This whole website was inspired by him.

As noted earlier, he probably has the worst winning percentage of any player in NBA history. Bill Simmons has nicknamed him the "Ebola Virus." He's shot on his own hoop in an attempt at a triple double. He's bitched out LeBron and been passed around more than a Saigon whore.

We'd have him higher on this list but Rick hasn't done anything extremely stupid in awhile. Dude, you've changed.

3. Elijah Dukes

Listing Dukes' troubles is too exhausting so click here instead.

We'll leave it at this: he's strangled a teammate, been suspended every single season since high school and threatened to kill his wife and kids. Rays manager Joe Maddon readily admits it's a relief Dukes is gone and, in his absence, even Tampa is good.

The Nationals were crazy enough to trade for him with a delusional Jim Bowden picturing this guy hitting clean up for the next decade. Instead, the guy's batting a whopping .148 this year.

2. Chad Johnson

It'd be easy to place Chad Johnson atop this. But you know what? He wants to be atop this list. Out of spite, he will have to settle for No. 2. SO EAT IT!!!

Tired of not getting enough attention, Chad tried to make news yesterday by saying he'd report to training camp (flip!), then immediately saying he won't report. Hey Chad: No one cares if you play next season, just like no one cares Barry Bonds isn't playing right now.

It's pretty sad when an athlete calls into SportsCenter to bitch and by the end, even Brian Kenny is begging you to get off the line.

1. Stephon Marbury

The Patrick Ewing Theory fits Starbury perfectly (ex: Minnesota, New Jersey, Phoenix) except he's not any good, so it really shouldn't come as a surprise. But somehow there's always a team willing to take a risk on him.

Marbury went completely AWOL this year by ditching his teammates, blackmailing his coach (not that Isiah didn't deserve it...) and shutting it down with season-ending surgery that just-so-happened-to-be much more complicated than originally thought.

Now that D'Antoni is in charge, Steph is rededicating himself by "running in the mountains," a.k.a. smoking a lot of weed.

P.S. Surprised these guys weren't on the list? We're listing these cats as "in remission" because at any moment they could rear their ugly head again (feel free to add your own):

- Terrell Owens
- A.J. Pierzynski
- Randy Moss
- Jerry Porter
- Allen Iverson


Anonymous said...

Barry Bonds

Anonymous said...

Dudes, jerry porter is the kind of cancer you get years ago and for some reason its fine, then your like oh shit..and its too late hes moving on to his next victim with all your money.

Anonymous said...

was the saigon whore line in reference to "Dirty Work"? If so, well done.