OFFICIALLY BECOMING OHIO STATE'S BITCH

After watching Ohio State ball out of control against North Carolina minus The Behemoth, I really got to thinking: The Ohio State University owns us.

We've already lost 5 out of 6 in football, and we will have lost 5 straight in basketball after this season barring a miracle (and a meeting in the Big Ten Tournament, which would make it six).

Things aren't looking good after we lost to an N.C. State team missing its top three players from last season (OK, they had Atsur for like 5 minutes) and run by a D-list coach that picked us his degree this summer.

Oh yeah, and J. Brady is already talking boycott again.

Everyone circle February 6th on your calenar - a.k.a. Oden-Sims I - when Michigan will reach the lowest point since the Brian Ellerbe era. I wouldn't be surprised if Greg Oden got so mad just looking at Courtney Sims that he punched him in the face at tipoff.


By the way, this picture of Oden on Deadspin is amazing...

BUY THE CLIPSE ALBUM!

The new Clipse album dropped today to near universal acclaim. Almost every review I've had the chance to read has showered praise on the insightful and unflinching lyrics, the dark and sparse production by the Neptunes, and the simmering rage that the Thornton brothers have felt during the label limbo over the last 4 years. I can't add much to what's already been said. This album is fantastic. It's one of the few recent rap albums that I can play all the way through despite my A.D.D. when it comes to repeating/shuffling songs on my iPod.

The subject matter of the album is mostly compelling - I'm a sucker for tales of people selling crack and somehow juking the system and making it big (see: my newfound fascination with The Wire - although nothing ever works out for anyone in The Wire) - and the songs, despite their bleak subject matter, manage to be catchy, if not uplifting ("Hello New World" is the best example of that). Also, the production on the album is fantastic; from the calypso drums on "Wamp Wamp" to the guitar riff on "Dirty Money" to the hollowed out sound on "Hello New World" and "Momma I'm So Sorry," the Neptunes have laid out a canvas that perfectly complements the bravado and remorse that dominates the lyrics on the album. The best compliment I can give the album is that it sounds like it was made by two rappers who know they are on the verge of becoming huge and aren't willing to squander their opportunity. The Clipse say something on the album. And they sound great doing it.

Listening to the Clipse album also allowed me to put the new Jay-Z offering into focus. On my first listen, I thought that the CD was exceptionally defiant. It was a big fuck you to everyone who thought that Hov would pull an MJ-on-the-Wizards comeback; a big fuck you to Dame Dash, the Dips, Jimmy Jones; and crappy rap music in general. Usually defiant rap music is great. But it doesn't sound right coming from Hov. He's not supposed to be defiant! He's the motherfucking president of Def Jam! He owns part of the New Jersey Nets! He's dating Beyonce! He hasn't been an underdog since the late 90's!

After the defiance of the album lost its appeal, I started to feel lonely listening to the album. Granted, part of this has to do with the fact that I've been listening to it while studying in the library and have hated myself every minute that I've been here. Anyway...the album is lonely. What was supposed to be Hov's crowning achievement (the glorious comeback), isn't that glorious because he's got no one to go to Waverly Diner with (so to speak). Over the last few years he's lost one of his best friends and been slammed by almost every artist on his label and other industry figures for his management of the Def Jam roster. What was supposed to be a comeback has been clouded by other bullshit.

My final thought on the album is that I'm not sure what the Hov is supposed to be rapping about now. He's 38! I'm pretty sure he hasn't been running drugs up and down the Eastern seaboard in between marketing meetings; I'm pretty sure he hasn't carried a gun in a while; I'm pretty sure he's not screwing around on Beyonce. That pretty much sums up what Hov has talked about his entire career: drugs, guns, and girls. I liked it when he talked about that stuff. But you can't do that forever because it starts to ring hollow after a while. I think that rappers face a lose-lose situation. Rapping about nonsense is great (or, rather, acceptable) when you're in you're 20s but it comes off as increasingly forced (and, more importantly, repetitive) the older you get. I'm all for rappers talking about "real" things ("Minority Report" is one of the better songs on Kingdom Come) but the nature of rap music (the inherent descriptiveness of 16 bars compared to 4 line rock and roll stanzas) means that songs about something become a little too weighty. And albums about those topics might be difficult too - especially when you're used to the artist rapping about Cris and 40/40.

Essentially, Jay still sounds pretty great rapping on the album...the problem is that I don't really care about what he's rapping about. I guess what I'm trying to say is that rappers, for their own good, shouldn't age. Hov should always be 26 and releasing Reasonable Doubt, LL Cool J should always be telling fools that his momma wants him to punch them in the face (instead of making AWESOME collaborations with J Lo), Busta Rhymes should have remained a yelling lunatic instead of taking himself to seriously, Mos Def should have stuck with Talib and should have never ever ever ever ever distracted himself with acting, Andre 3000 should have stuck with being an eccentrically great rapper instead of becoming an eccentrically crappy falsetto-singer, DMX should always be a psycho covered in blood on his album cover and should never be a psycho who keeps getting arrested for repeated gun charges. Biggie's and Pac's legacies were forever secured by the fact that they never met old age - their deaths were awful losses, but if the careers of their peers have showed anything, it's that it's hard to grow old in rap.

In the end, I guess that's why I like this Clipse album so much. Because these guys are on the verge. Because their success is still new to them and they're relishing it. Because of the fact that they're underdogs. Because when I saw them perform live at the Knitting Factory, they stopped rapping and started smiling because they were enjoying the fact that the entire crowd knew almost every lyric to their songs. And it wasn't the bullshit "soaking the moment in" pose that a lot of famous rappers do - it was pure joy. All I hope is that they capture that magic for the rest of their careers.


Get the fuck out the throne, you clones. The kings are back!

RUDY GIULIANI'S BIGGEST KNOCK? INCEST

A lot of liberals are considering voting for Republican Rudy Giuliani in the 2008 election. Consider yourself warned:

The New York Post recently did a piece on Rudy Giuliani's biggest obstacles to becoming the next U.S. President - i.e. being very liberal on social issues, living with two gay men at one point and openly cheating on his second wife while he was mayor.

And then just thrown in there as an afterthought was this bombshell: "Married his cousin."

Say what?

Apparently, Rudy married a childhood friend from Long Island named Reginna Peruggi and had the marraige annulled by the Catholic Church 14 years later "after he realized" they were second cousins (if confused, click here for an explanation). Thankfully, they didn't have children.

According to London's "The Independent," Giuliani claimed he thought Peruggi was only a third cousin, adding "few have ever bought it."

ONLY a third cousin???

And Giuliani's uncle, also named Rudy, said this to the New York Daily News in 1997:

"I knew they were second cousins. It seemed natural. They shared common interests."

Tell me that quote won't come back to haunt America's Mayor.

When he debates Hillary Clinton, doesn't all she have to say is, "I might have married a dirtbag, but not a cousin," and it's over?


Hillary might as well concede West Virginia ...

P.S. Posts about the debacles surrounding Braylon Edwards and Michigan basketball are coming soon.

CHLOE O'BRIAN EXPOSES HERSELF AS FRAUD

Some disturbing news from the New York Post over the weekend - granted, it could be complete fiction:

Actress Mary Lynn Rajskub of "24" wants to set the record straight - Rush Limbaugh has not bedded her, nor will he ever. "Last summer, I was on a panel about terrorism that [he] was moderating," the blonde tells FHM. "He said hello to everyone and kissed me full on the lips. I was like, 'Oh, that was odd.' Then the picture was on the Internet and people thought I was going out with him. He's brilliant and hilarious, but I wouldn't say I wanted to get it on with him!"

Woah Ms. Lippy. I don't know about you, but I'd rather be a two-bit hooker than a Rush Limbaugh admirer. As Jack would say: "Damnit Chloe!!!!"

MGOBLUE UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR

"Michigan Unable to Pull Off Upset of No. 5 Duke"

Final score: Duke 92, Michigan 47.


Sorry girl!

COACHING CANDIDATES FOR "THE U"

Like the rest of the nation, we're devastated by Larry Coker's dismissal at Miami.

Greg Schiano has probably already bought a house in Ft. Lauderdale but what kind of message are you sending the kids when you hire the coach of Rutgers?

So we've decided to put together a list of best candidates to fill the vacancy:

1. Dennis Erickson, Idaho head coach - Erickson ran the dirtiest program in the history of college football and won 2 national titles doing it while at "The U."

2. George O'Leary, UCF head coach - He's nearby and sets a great example for his kids in the classroom.

3. Gary Barnett, Unemployed - You think Willie Williams had crazy recruiting trips? Wait until Gary Barnett hits South Bech. Miami would get the talent they were getting 5 years ago in no time.

4. Mike Price, UTEP head coach - You probably thought this guy was in rehab. There is no doubt Price's first move would be putting a pole in the locker room.

5. Rick Neuheisel, Ravens QB coach - Always a players coach, the notorious "pay for play" system would be back in effect - granted, we're not sure how much cash 2 Live Crew and Luther Campbell are throwing around these days...

6. Howard Schnellenberger, Florida Atlantic head coach - Speaking of comebacks: the coach of the 1983 national championship 'Canes is doing a great job of turning around the FAU program (outscored in its first four games this year 192-12).

7. Lamar Thomas, Unemployed - Who cares if he doesn't know anything about coaching? Just imagine this guy running around the locker room screaming, "Nobody comes into the O.B. and disrespects the U.!!!!" That'd be good for at least 9 wins a season.


Doesn't this seem like ages ago???

P.S. Did anyone see the SoFlo coach crying after the win over West Virginia. That guy should be fired immediately, followed by an apology from the school president.

REAL WORLD EPISODE ONE: WOW

Just finished watching Episode 1 of The Real World: Denver. It's definitely got its swag back, kid.

This stuff has to be scripted. Between the obligatory lesbo action in the hot tub, the backstabbing sluts, the homophobia, the racist remark and the gay guy trying to talk the Southern belle into sex, my head is going to explode.

PUTTING REAL BACK IN "THE REAL WORLD"

Don't even get us started on the debacle of The Real World: Key West. It's pretty obvious that the MTV brass weren't happy with last season's sobfest that was consumed by Paula's problems.

So it's back to the bread and butter for "Real World: Denver" - drunken debauchery and hot chicks.

Let's be honest: there's been one hot chick in the last three seasons (Key West, Austin, Philadelphia): Melinda. And it almost wasn't even worth it - watching Danny get jealous every episode while she ran around with the dirty rooster hairdo.

But finally MTV's gotten it's act together with not one, but two hot chicks this season: Jennifer and (to a slightly lesser extent) Brooke. (Correction: we were duped into thinking Brooke was hot from her pictures and Jennifer isn't so much hot as she is a smelly pirate hooker.)

But that's not all, folks.

Jonathan Murray has gone balls to the wall with two black guys this season (think Chapelle Show's Mad Real World). We really hope the motto is: "One house! Two black guys! All rules are off!"

If that's not enough, it's gotten rave reviews from the New York Post, which was the first to slam last year's season.

Make sure to tune in tonight at 8:00 PM.

PICTURES FROM "THE GAME"

It's been four days and we still can't shake Saturday's loss to Ohio State. It's crazy to think Mike Hart is 0-3 against the Buckeyes. That is a travesty.

This is all we are able to post at this time.

Here are pictures from Saturday's game: the good, the bad and the ugly:


Pre-gaming near St. John's Arena - Brady didn't get the memo it was a football game.


Kickoff... by the way, while Troy Smith was introduced and did his Ray Lewis-esque "wiping the matt" move, Brady screamed at the top of his lungs, "YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"- Yeah, that was probably a bad idea...


Halftime - I'm pretending to be asleep...


This guy was unbelievable. He didn't make a noise all game until it got really quiet and he'd keep going, "MICHIGAN SUCKS!" Just looks like an OSU fan, doesn't he?


Things are looking Memphis Bleek in the second half...


A random picture of Troy Smith, with Morgan Trent looking out of place as usual...


Make me puke


We want a rematch, ho!

BETTER PRE-GAME SPEECH: A.P. OR K.G.?

Varun and I seem to disagree on this. Which would you rather have in the Michigan locker room Saturday to fire up the team?

This is a barn-burner:



AL PACINO



VS.

KEVIN GARNETT



"This is it. It's for all the marbles. I'm sitting in the house loading up the pump, I'm loading up the Uzis, I've got a couple of M-16s, couple of nines, couple of joints with some silencers on them, couple of grenades, got a missile launcher."

BO-ISMS

This is all we got for now:

On how often he prepared for Ohio State:
"Every day! It was our strategy here to do something to beat Ohio State every day! Even if it's in the first meeting of the year, we talked about it."

On Lloyd Carr's 1-4 record against Jim Tressel:
"I don't give a damn about Tressel! Or Lloyd having to beat this guy or that guy. That's hogwash!

On this year's game:
"I don't make any predictions, none at all. I'm just going to tell you one thing: It's going to be a whale of a battle.

On the Big Ten Conference:
"We had an antiquated leadership in the Big Ten Conference. It wasn't until 1973, when they literally screwed us out of the Rose Bowl, and I mean it exactly the way I said it."

On the Big Ten and Pac-10 joining the BCS:
"It just bothers me that the Big Ten and Pac-10 caved in. We were still the most dominant bowl game there was, the greatest matchup, between two great conferences. It was what college football was all about, and we caved in. We joined the BCS. We didn't have to do that. And it was all about money."

On retirement after the 1990 Rose Bowl:
"The one thing I won't miss in retirement is incompetent officials."

On his 1-6 Rose Bowl record before the 1987 game:
"I can give you a thousand excuses, from the playing surface to the distance we travel. But when it all boils down, that's hogwash . . . If they beat us again, damn it to hell, we'll all be mad, but I'm not going to worry about it, although I probably should because I'm the worst guy doing it."

On coaching again:
"Would I ever take a coaching job? How do I know? I've never been offered one. I might just say the hell with it, I'll do it." - The Toledo Blade

On coaching under Woody Hayes:
''I said, 'Geez, how much longer are you going to coach?' And he said, 'Oh, four or five years, probably.' Well, I went to Miami and he coached 17 years after I left, so I don't think he was really truthful with me.''

On the possibility the Michigan basketball coach would make more than the football coach:
"I have two words for you - never happen. It will never happen here. What do you think this thing was built on? Everybody should know that." - The Detroit News

On replacing basketball coach Bill Frieder with Steve Fisher in 1989 after Frieder accepted the head job at Arizona State:
"I don't want somebody from Arizona State coaching the Michigan team. A Michigan man is going to coach Michigan."

GRIMIEST OHIO STATE-MICHIGAN QUOTES

Listening to both sides before The Game makes us want to puke. Here's a compilation of trash talk through the series:

"Because I couldn't go for three."
-- Former Ohio State coach Woody Hayes on why he went for a 2-point conversation late in a 50-14 win over Michigan in 1968

"I guarantee we will beat Ohio State and go to Pasadena."
-- Former Michigan quarterback Jim Harbaugh before the 1986 game which Michigan won, 26-24

"We want to get (Ohio State coach) John Cooper fired. That's what I want to do. I want to keep on beating that team until he's no longer there."
-- Former Michigan wide receiver Walter Smith before the 1992 Ohio State-Michigan game which Ohio State won, 22-6

"Michigan is nothing."
-- Former Ohio State receiver Terry Glenn to the Detroit Free Press before the 1995 game which Michigan won, 31-23

"If we play our game, we should win by two or three touchdowns.

"I play against better defensive backs than (Michigan's Charles Woodson) in practice every day."
-- Former Ohio State receiver David Boston before the 1997 game...

"I was like a father out there, chastising his son for talking to the wrong people."
-- Former Michigan cornerback Charles Woodson on David Boston after Michigan's 20-14 victory in 1997

"It's a blowout. Ain't no ifs, ands or buts about it. (Defensive tackle Alan) Branch is going to knock the stuffing out of -- what's his name -- Troy Smith. You all set that (Heisman Trophy talk) up anyway. That's some BS to begin with.

He shouldn't even win the Heisman. He's not going to win his league or the national championship. We all know what's going to happen. We're going to win it. It's been long overdue. Tressel's been cheating. So, hey, we're going to keep it real. There ain't nothing else to say."
-- Former Michigan and current Cincinnati Bengals running back Chris Perry on this year's game to the Dayton Daily News

"(Michigan receiver Steve Breaston is) worthless in my mind, outside of returning a few punts. I'll say that, and he'll end up winning the game for them on Nov. 18. But he hasn't done anything since his freshman year."
-- Former Ohio State quarterback and current ESPN analyst Kirk Herbstreit on his Columbus radio show on Oct. 30


It's time for Steve to fire back at Herbstreit with a poem...

COLUMBUS SAFETY ON SATURDAY

Let your guard down for a second after seeing this, and that's how you end up with a knife in the back on Saturday...

By the way, how hilarious are Michigan's tips to safety:

"Avoid High Street, carpool to the game in a vehicle that doesn’t have Michigan plates, keep the wraps on Michigan clothing until inside the stadium, stay in groups, stay low-key and don’t fight, even if harassed."

How about just an e-mail from Mary Sue entitled: "Protect ya neck, kid!"

O.J. HAS LOST HIS DAMN MIND - AGAIN

From the same station that brought you Temptation Island comes O.J. Simpson's exclusive: "How I WOULD have killed me wife."

How is this not a hoax? He's lucky the audio recording of O.J. calling J. Brady wasted hasn't been released to the public... yet.

HOLLA AT YA BOY

Some might say I recycled my 2003 column about my dad. I like to call it a remix. Either way, check it out:

www.nbcsports.com

or

http://www.nbcsports.com/cfb/409516/detail.html

PERRY ALSO CALLS TRESSEL A CHEATER

Love this quote, and looks to me like someone is a Realest reader....

"It's a blowout. Ain't no ifs, ands or buts about it. (Defensive tackle Alan) Branch is going to knock the stuffing out of -- what's his name -- Troy Smith. You all set that (Heisman Trophy talk) up anyway. That's some BS to begin with.

"He shouldn't even win the Heisman. He's not going to win his league or the national championship. We all know what's going to happen. We're going to win it. It's been long overdue. Tressel's been cheating. So, hey, we're going to keep it real. There ain't nothing else to say."

- Chris "his friends call him Chirs" Perry

SMORGASBORD OF FUN

A friend of mine from high school that is a lifelong Buckeye turned Michigan grad student sent this to me the other day. A single tear dropped down my cheek as soon as I saw it:





Secondly, Scott Bell, David Steinberg, Steve Jackson all answered the trivia question correctly (Seth Klempner too, minus the spelling mistakes and fact he didn't actually list the schools). The four schools with Super Bowl winning QBs and Presidents are:

Stanford (Hoover & Plunkett/Elway)
Michigan (Ford & Brady)
U.S. Naval Academy (Carter & Staubach)
Miami of Ohio (Benjamin Harrison & Roethlisberger)

SCOTT BELL OVERCOMES ELLIOTT'S IDIOCY

If you didn't get a chance to see Scott Bell on the 4:00 PM Hot List, don't worry - we have it Tivoed and will have it up as part of our pre-game coverage for The Game.

Josh Elliott brings two kids on ESPNNews that have never been on television before, and he is the stumbling idiot.

Like when Elliott asked if there was an equivalent to K-Ville at Ohio State. What the hell are you talking about? Everyone already has their tickets, Josh.

The highlight, by far, was when Josh Elliott asked how much Scott Bell hated Scott Woods from The Lantern.

His response: "I don't think I can put it into words right now."

Yeah kid!

SUPER BOWL WINNING QBs/PRESIDENT TRIVIA

We've come across one of the most brain-busting trivia questions ever produced thanks to Michigan alum Matt Litke:

Which four schools have produced a Super Bowl winning quarterback AND a U.S. President?

We'll give you a hint: Michigan is one of them.

The winner gets a leftover ham and a used bowling bowl (note the Kenny Mayne and "2 Minute Drill" reference...)

ARIES SPEARS IN THE PLACE TO BE

As huge fans of X and Jay, this is pretty unbelievable (though his barking needs serious work). Thanks to Sameer for the heads up:

BRITNEY + REMIX + THE GAME = REAL

If you guys haven't noticed, I've been struck by a recent case of writer's block. I feel like Rick Ankiel. One day I'm throwing 100 MPH heaters on the corner of the plate, the next thing I can't stop chucking the ball into the stands.

But out of nowhere I was struck with an epiphany about Britney Spears' comeback attempt.

Brace yourself:

Her first single should be a "Stronger" remix with The Game. Think about the symmetry (Timberlake and 50 Cent remix to "Cry Me a River") and brilliance of that for a bit, while you enjoy the original:

P.S. I want royalties...



Note from Varun: We just got off the phone with The Game's manager. They're making the record tonight and we're filming the video in our apartment tomorrow. We'll be the one in the background holding bottles of Armadale.

ONE STEP FORWARD, ONE STEP BACK

Here's a little more food for thought.

Good news: Evidence that Americans are becoming less ignorant.

Bad News: Evidence that Americans are still ignorant.


Maybe Dead Prez was right all along...

REALEST OF THE WEEK

I never thought I'd say this, but the Realest of the Week is former Michigan Daily photog Ryan Weiner.

Weiner was always in a no-win situation with Daily Sports. He took the assignments Tony Ding didn't have time for, which was like filling in for Annie Leibovitz.

But thanks to Facebook's new crack-cocaine feature, I got a glimpse of Weiner's Halloween costume. You wanna talk about being handed lemons and making lemonade: let's hope Weiner sticks with this look fulltime:



Note: Speaking of real, we just won the lottery and Tivoed "Plastic Boy" performing at halftime of the Cavaliers game. We will get it up on YouTube as fast as possible for those who haven't witnessed his genius. Get a barf bag ready...

STILL GOT A SENSE OF HUMOR

'Sheed had a pretty awful game against the Kings last night - something along the lines of 0 points (but he did have 15 rebounds - suck it, Ben). Though he wasn't able to keep his shooting touch, he was able to keep his sense of humor (via TrueHoop):

Rasheed Wallace was scoreless, missing all nine of his shots (though he pulled down 15 rebounds).

The best shot Wallace took all night came at the expense of a courtside heckler.

“Rasheed, you’re 0-for-8,” the guy yelled.

“I don’t care if I am 0-for-1,000, at least I’m not wearing a pink and lime green shirt,” said Wallace, who for the rest of the game referred to the heckler as Fruit Loop.

If Rasheed can keep his wits about him with a 2-3 record, I think Pistons fans can rest assured that trouble isn't brewing on the horizon and the Pistons will be just fine.



Hecklers beware...

IN R WE TRUST

Ricky Davis has been pretty quiet since heading up to Minnesota. No temper tantrums, no passing the ball everytime he touches it, no shooting the ball every time he touches it, no almost triple-doubles, no slam-dunks followed by inadvertently/purposely kicking a defender in the head while hanging on the rim. But, luckily the Sports Guy found a gem about Ricky. (Note: I still hate the Sports Guy, don't get it twisted). The following quote is in reference to the new Celtics dance team:

"Before tipoff, there was a lot of good-natured joking about the new in-game entertainment and who would or would not be paying attention to Doc Rivers during huddles. Pierce revealed that before being traded, Ricky Davis was the biggest proponent of a dance team in Boston. 'I won't get a chance to check them out; I'll be in the huddle,' said Pierce, as he offered a sideways glance, showing how he just might get a glimpse. 'I know Ricky Davis really promoted it. I know he did, for sure. He used to ask why we didn't have them.'"

Ricky, we would expect nothing less from you. You are a hero to us all. Simmons, on the other hand, is not real. He followed up the Ricky quote with his own analysis:

Come on, man! Ricky needs cheerleaders! And you wonder why he's played in seven playoff games in eight seasons.

Ricky is everything that is right about sports. He doesn't need a joker like Simmons challenging him. Plus, at least he's leering at women who are legal (we see you Deshawn Stevenson - you scumbag).


Ricky belongs on the Mt. Rushmore of Realness

REAL HONORABLE MENTION: PAUL TRACY

As pointed out by reader Ian Robinson - Champ Car World Series driver Paul Tracy, who recently broke his shoulder and will surely become the latest punchline to Jeff Foxworthy's series' "You Know You're a Hick When..." series:

"I was at a party and had a little too much to drink, and we thought it was a good idea to go out on a golf cart and try and jump some sand dunes with it."

GOOD RIDDANCE

If you read The Realests regularly (and you should, there's absolutely no reason not to), then you might be lead to think that we only care about basketball, rap music, sports references, video games, ham and cheese omelettes, turkey burgers, Kumar and Bobby and the guys at Waverly, tapioca pudding, and ourselves. Well, we also care about this country.

After seeing Borat a few nights ago, we were very amused and very troubled. Amused because of the sheer balls it took for Sasha Baron Cohen to pull off most of the things that he did in the movie and troubled because of the things that it revealed about parts of our country. It's one thing to know that there's anti-Semitism, homophobia, and racism in America; but it's another thing altogether to see people revel in it as if it's no big deal.

Anyway, with yesterday's election purporting to be a referendum on the last 6 years of the Bush Adminstration, it looks like Americans had a chance to have their voices heard. With the Democrats winning back the House and probably winning back the Senate, the GOP is now scrambling to make sure that they don't get bent over in 2008. The ax had to fall on someone... and it fell on Donald Rumsfeld.

It's a good thing he's gone, because he was largely responsible for the tangled situation in Iraq and the general decline of American popularity around the world. Had it not been for Flavor Flav and Kevin Federline's immense popularity around the world, Rummy might have tarnished the U.S. image permanently. Seriously though, we're glad to see him gone.

But before everyone starts patting themselves on the back, The Realests would like to make two quick points. The first is that his resignation isn't going to magically turn around the mess that's already there. The second is that this resignation doesn't mean that President Bush has suddenly seen the error in his ways. All it means is that the GOP is pissed that it lost the midterm elections and is attempting to ensure that 2008 doesn't go badly for them. This resignation/firing is something that should have happened a long time ago.

It's sad that it seems that this administration values keeping Democratic bodies out of legislative seats more than it values keeping American soldiers out of body bags.


Clearly, we need more bozacks...

DANIEL HORTON SCREWED BY HEAT

After he was cut on October 24th by the Miami Heat, we've been biding our time until Daniel Horton resurfaced.

Do you want the good new or the bad news?

The good news is that he's still on the beach.

The bad news is that's in Izmir, Tukey.

That's right folks, Daniel Horton is playing basketball right here (team roster).

What really chaps our asses about this is that the Heat kept former Notre Dame guard Chris Quinn. Chris Quinn?!

Chris Quinn couldn't take one drag off Daniel Horton's blunt. He couldn't punch his way out of a wet paper bag - with scissors in his hand, bitch the RZA.

Didn't the Heat's scouts see last year's NIT game when Horton dominated Quinn in the double OT classic?

Fuckin' Notre Dame...


"Turkey????? Awe shiiiiiiiiiiit..."

HURTS SO GOOD

I wanted to do a monster post where I hit up a bunch of things to recommed to everyone. But the post is taking too long to write up all at once. Instead, here's segment one - The Wire.

This is the most depressing show on television...and I can't wait to watch it every week. After I watched the finale for Season 3, I sat in my room for half an hour with the lights off and felt like someone had punched me in the stomach 300 times...but I somehow felt satisfied on the inside. It's quite ironic that a show that builds its story lines around crack has become as addictive itself. No show on television is as intricate in its character development or story lines. No show puts this much effort into making sure that its viewers get something out of the narrative. 24 (another one of our favorites) is great for the surprises and for Jack's never flinching faith in doing the "right" thing. But The Wire is great for all the opposite reasons - there's no "right" in its universe, there's no neat surprise at the end of every hour, there's no hope. Sure, 24 attempts to find some gray area in Jack's moves..but let's be honest - we all want to see Jack merck some fool at the end of the day.


George Bush doesn't care about poor people

Where 24 builds its momentum off of very unrealistic scenarios, The Wire builds its momentum off of the minutae of everyday activity that most of us never see. The innerworkings of police departments, city hall, drug dealing, and the school system are laid bare every week. And just like 24 has recurring themes (Don't trust your superiors...There are moles everywhere...Jack will always be abandoned...Women are evil) - so does The Wire. But The Wire's theme of inescapable bleakness and inevitable betrayal by the institutions that we serve is a much more powerful theme than anything 24 can throw at us for one simple reason - it's real. The show manages to perfectly capture the slowly simmering frustration and rage bubbling under the surface of an America that many of us have never seen.


As good as it gets

Go rent seasons 1 and 3 of The Wire. They're masterpieces, especially Season 3. Season 4 is great too - I have a bad feeling that I'm going to want to cry like a baby at the end of the season (note: I would never actually cry like a baby...I'm not a punk). Haven't had a chance to check out Season 2 yet, but I'm sure it's sweet. For great analysis of the show, go here. For an indepth interview with the show's creator, go here.

We give Baltimore a hard time on this blog (sorry Steiny) - but without Baltimore, we wouldn't have The Wire. So...Baltimore is now our favorite city in America. Congratulations!

RASHEED'S IGNORANCE IS BLISS

I'm as tired of hearing about the Pistons on this blog as the next guy, but I have to give credit where credit is due. Check out Rasheed Wallace's postgame quote from last night on the new technical foul policy for arguing with officials:

"I know they're going to have to do something about this crazy zero tolerance law. That's retarded. In my mind, it's kind of like a slave and master or father and son. You've got your little son and (you say) don't say nothing back to me -- and to me, that's totally wrong. It ain't like that in any other sport."

Let's put the over/under on him being fined by the league at 4 hours and, just to make it interesting, put the odds at 5:1 that he gets sensitivity training on top of it.


Brilliant!

ARMAGEDDON

I can't wait for Michigan-OSU. This video might be the greatest/worst thing I've ever seen. Never has the difference between good and evil been more clear. (via Deadspin and MichiganZone).

STEP YOUR GAME UP

It's gonna be a big couple of months for rap music. In the next few months we can expect releases from the The Game, Mos Def, Snoop Dogg, Nas, Jay-Z, Ghostface, and others. The discussion will inevitably turn to who moved more units, who dissed who, who should have gotten more promotion, etc. You won't here any of that nonsense from The Realests. The beginning and end of every discussion is Jay-Z. Regardless of our bias, however, we enjoy listening to other rappers for their creativity and feeble attempts at throwing rocks at the throne.


Weezy F.

In that vein, we were happy to hear Lil Wayne's freestyle of Jay's "Show Me What You Got." The Great Zubino put me up on Lil Wayne a while ago and Carter II has gotten consistent airplay on my iPod. Despite his fraudulent claim of being the best rapper alive, I enjoy Lil Wayne. He seems like he cares when he's rapping and his wordplay is pretty good. Well, he's taken his game to a new level with this latest freestyle. Witness the truth:

"I have no brain, I'm retarded. We're not the same, I'm a martian" -- Lil Wayne


Marvin? Wayne? Hov?

I'm speechless. Probably the best line I've ever heard...until I buy Ron Artest's new album. Here's a sample lyric - "I don't feel I'm insane, the world's crazy." Don't worry Ron, I'll do the dishes - you cooked the food for thought.


Scholar, Gentleman, Defensive Player of the Year, Grammy Winner...

MISTAKEN IDENTITY

Hmmmmm...I can't tell these pictures apart. Which one is Terrence Howard (actor) and which one is Eddie Jordan (New Jersey Nets head coach)?


Vince, please play hard.


It's hard out here for a piiiiimp.

GRAND OPENING...GRAND CLOSING??

The hangover continues...

"I'm so tired of you all talking about Ben," said Detroit power forward Antonio McDyess, who is not easily irritated. "He's gone, we're not going to get him back. It's about us trying to come together as a team to find our identity now that he's gone."

Well, Game 1 of the 2006-2007 campaign confirmed what I thought about this Pistons team. The simple truth is that this is a team that still has to figure out who it is. That my sound absurd given the fact that its returning 4 starters (3 of whom are coming off All-Star years), but it's the simple truth. Losing Ben was just one factor in a perfect storm of events that is forcing this team to find a new identity. Along with Ben's departure we have the addition of a new starting center, the transition of the team from a defensive orientation to a more free-flowing offensively focused style of play (which started last year), and the challenge of developing a bench. Throw in the fact that we aren't allowed to complain anymore and that Flip has to find a way to really gain control of this team and we're headed for a bumpy few months - but that's not necessarily a bad thing. The team needs to figure itself out and it'll take some bumps and bruises to do it.

There were some bright spots in today's game. The bench got some burn and Maxiell and Delfino looked alright. With some playing time, they should be able to spell the starters for sustained periods of time. Flip Murray and Nazr looked alright - it'll take some time for the rotation to works itself out and for them to feel comfortable (and us to feel comfortable watching them) on the court; remember Nazr isn't in his best shape yet and Murray still doesn't really know what his role is when he's out on the court. I think that Delfino, though, will be more important than Murray by the end of the season. Also, it's pretty clear that this is Chauncey's team - in the 4th quarter I saw him barking at the other players, "We can't stop now." It's good that he's taking over...but maybe it's bad that he has to say that IN THE FIRST GAME OF THE SEASON.


Uh! This season's going to be interesting!

Frankly, the team is going to be fine IF two things happen. First, the team has to recommit itself to trying every night. Jim was completely right when he made the point that this team hasn't tried in 3 years. More importantly, it hasn't had to think that it NEEDS to try. Now, they need to try. They need to try on offense and they damn sure need to try on defense. And that goes for everyone (Nazr alone isn't responsible for 68 points in the paint!) - if we're playing man defense then people have to stay in front of their man and play help defense; if we're playing zone then they have to commit to zone. Second, 'Sheed needs to keep his head in the game. The NBA changed its whining rules and he has to adapt - it's that simple. We can't afford games where he goes 0-3 in the first half and then decides to peace out to the locker room for the second half.


Get your swag back, kid!!!!

I would have loved it if the Pistons had won this game or at least lost it in a competitive fashion. At least that way they would still be able to fly under the radar. But if the year gets off to a rough start, the media might be all over this team for the next few weeks and it seems that gut-check time could come a lot sooner than it should. Anyway, the first few months of this season are very important, but not just in terms of wins and losses - we don't want any of the players to mentally check out or get complacent. I think we'll hover slightly above .500 for the first few months of the season and then start destroying people. Actually, I think we're gonna go 71-1 and Jason Maxiell will be named MVP of the league. Actually (for real this time), I think we still win the Central and then have to slug it out in the playoffs. Ain't nothin' nice this year.


MVP! MVP! MVP!

Alright, I'm done writing. We've decided to do a few more predictions for the NBA season that are strictly Pistons oriented. Those will be up tomorrow.

UNREALEST OF THE WEEK: PRIMOZ BREZEC

European players have hit a new level of soft. From the AP:

"Charlotte Bobcats starting center Primoz Brezec will miss the first two weeks of the season because of exhaustion and dehydration."

The season hasn't even started yet, Primoz!


Somewhere Tskitishvili is running suicide drills...

IT BEGINS TONIGHT

The Detroit Pistons march to an NBA Championship begins tonight. Protect ya neck dunnies!!!

DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO USE MY AK

Have had an eventful day so far today - eventful being a relative word of course. Here's the recap - as always, even if you don't think that you're interested in my day, you really are.

-- Bought a suit at Lord & Taylor today. Big up to Allen and Ron in the suit department who had me out of the store in less than 40 minutes. Road dogs. Big up for the discount too. This experience adds further evidence to my theory that the old guys that work in suit departments are the nicest, most knowledgeable salespeople in the world. If you walk up to them with a healthy dose of humility and kindness, they'll be a road dog for life. But I always feel bad when I meet them because I'm dressed like a slob and they're rock suits every day. And they don't rock suits because they want to be fashionable or because they are forced to. They wear suits because they love suits. Now that's gangster.

-- In other news, the Italian Chicken Sandwich is back at Burger King. In my opinion, there is no better sandwich in the world than the Italian Chicken Sandwich. I'm planning on starting a petition to have it added to the permanent BK menu. It's a gangster sandwich.

-- Finally, the Bulls beat the Heat by about 40 points last night. I hope this isn't an indication of things to come. We know that the Heat are going to sleep walk through the regular season and we know that there was going to be an inevitable let down on the night that they got their rings...but come on. Regardless, every second that I see Ben Wallace in a Bulls uniform feels like someone is slapping me in the face....with their dick.