7.02.2007

ATHLETES & A-LISTERS DESTINED FOR LOVE

One minute you’re in love, the next your girlfriend is burning your house down and smashing your Benzos.

Such is the life for athletes dating celebrities. Or at least it was for Andre Rison.

But with NBA Finals MVP Tony Parker and Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria set to tie the knot Saturday in a castle south of Paris, a growing number of athletes and celebrities are standing the test of time.

Married since 2001, Dario Franchitti and Ashley Judd certainly looked happily wed after he recently won the Indianapolis 500 in May. Set to invade the U.S., David and Victoria Beckham have survived the British tabloids and even an affair to keep their vows for almost eight years.

And with hot young couples popping up everywhere (is the Reggie Bush-Kim Kardashian sex tape out yet?), the question must be asked: Who’s got next?

With that in mind, we’ve decided to play matchmaker with several athletes and celebrities that seem destined to be together:

O.J. Simpson & Vanessa Minnillo

Nothing turns O.J. on like finding knife-play erotica on the internet. Not only is Vanessa a huge sports fan, the former TRL host is also an aspiring actress. Considering the acting clinic he put on in the Naked Gun series, can you think of a better mentor for someone trying to make it big in Hollywood than “The Juice”? I sure can’t. Of course, things might get awkward at USC home games this fall after breaking the heart of Trojans superfan Nick Lachey, of which there would be absolutely nothing left. What a homo.

Lexie Thompson & R. Kelly

Thoia thoing! Hey, what ever happened to those sex charges against R. Kelly? The man who once married Aaliyah when she was 15 certainly had his eye on this 12-year-old phenom during last weekend's U.S. Women's Open. I mean, how is he supposed to know she isn't 18 if she's playing on the Ladies' PGA???

Shawn Kemp & Britney Spears

Britney has proven she isn’t afraid of a man with a bastard child or two. That’s good news for the “Reign Man,” who Sports Illustrated reported in 1998 had seven children with six different women (just imagine how many mouths he has to feed now…). After battling his own weight problems, Kemp is a natural fit as Brit’s new personal trainer during her comeback attempt. Can't you already picture them doing pilates together?

Dwight Gooden & Lindsay Lohan

These two both hit superstardom way too young and now consider rehab a second home. Just imagine the late-night benders these two would have together. LL does have a thing for older guys and Dr. K is still just 42-years old. Lindsay was probably dating guys his age in high school. Of course, driving would be an issue…

Mike Tyson & Paris Hilton

Both are two notches above brain dead and found religion while doing hard time. Wouldn’t Paris look great with a complementary face tattoo? Of course, there would be sacrifices. The socialite’s plans to open a playhouse for sick kids would have to be nixed on the off chance Iron Mike told parents he wanted to eat their children.

John David Booty & Jennifer Lopez

What's left to ponder?!?!

Anderson Varejao & Miss USA Rachel Smith

They’re both Latino and coming off disappointing appearances in the finals. Judging by her fall in the Miss Universe pageant, even Varejao could use some tips from her on the art of flopping:

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