He might not be the craziest person in the music industry, but he's definitely the biggest douche. Move over Britney (are we the only ones that were disappointed she wasn't on Rihanna's "Umbrella" remix? That could have sealed the deal for her...); Akon is the Realest of the Year - just clean that shit off your teeth before you come up and accept the award.
Why Akon?
Take a quick look at his year:
February: In an interview with Independent, Akon defends owning a diamond mine in South Africa after the uproar caused by Blood Diamond with the following:
"I don't even believe in conflict diamonds. That's just a movie. Think about it. Ain't nobody thought about nothing about no conflict diamonds until the movie came out. Where was all that shit before the movie?...
It's no different from The Blair Witch Project. Everybody thought that was real."
That's deep, bro. "Ain't nobody thought about nothing about no" could be our new catch-phrase.
April: Everyone's seen this, so let's just roll the footage on Akon dry humping some 15-year-old in Trinidad. Talk about blue balls:
June: After getting hit with a bottle onstage in New York (granted, a douche move in its own right), Akon brings the doofus on stage and chucks him WWF-style off it. And don't you just love the other kids going ape-shit after? I know my reaction to that would be, "Wooo! You rule, Akon!"
July: Akon "apologizes" for the dry humping incident with the song "Sorry, Blame it On Me" - then goes on to blame her dad, the club for letting someone under 21 in (seriously, are you sharing R. Kelly's publicist?), and pretty much the world in general. Really heartfelt, Akon.
September: In an interview with Blender, Akon claims to having a Shawn Kemp-esque 5 kids with three different women. When asked about what his wife thinks about his infidelity, Akon explains:
"From my angle, things just happen. She’s confident enough to know that I’m not going anywhere."
Things just happen? Why didn't Bill Clinton think of this?
As for the kid he threw off stage?
"That was all in fun."
Yeah, me personally, there's nothing I enjoy more than a friend bashing a chair over my head - you know, just for fun.
1.09.2008
2007 REALEST OF THE YEAR: AKON
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HAHAHA that year was a pretty busy and tight year for Akon, do you not think so?? LOL
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