Ann Arbor is going to be a mad house tomorrow.

We already hear there's a party on Greenwood in Terrelle Pryor's honor, and there will undoubtedly be endless banners at the frats welcoming him to town.

But wait till you get a load of this:

Don't ask us how we got our hands on it, but The Realests have obtained the Athletic Department's official Friday itinerary for Pryor's recruiting trip this weekend.

As you can see, Rich Rodriguez is pulling out all the stops for the nation's #1 recruit:

*************For internal use only*****************

8:00-8:15 AM: Schembechler Hall

Terrelle arrives!!! Meet and greet with Coach Rod, newly revamped Team Blue imported from State

8:15-10:00 AM: Coach Rod's Office

Shred files of entire 2006-07 Michigan team, starting with Ryan Mallett

10:00-11:00 AM: Lloyd Carr's Office

Trash the place, take turns pissing on Lloyd's desk

11:00 AM-Noon: Deja Vu

Brunch buffet at Coach Rod's new favorite spot:

12:00-2:00 PM: Campus

Tour of campus with Team Blue's newest member, AleXXXis

Note: Make sure she remembers stop at Grad Library

2:00-3:00 PM: South Quad

Private tour of dorms by the twins, Cindy and Mindy

3:00 PM: Michigan Union

Surprise visit by Noel Devine, who announces his plans to transfer to UM!!!

3:00-3:15 PM: Michigan Union

Pryor babysits Devine's kids while #7 hits the Union bathroom with Cindy & Mindy

3:15-4:00 PM: State Street Barbershop

Haircut with Rita Rodriguez with conversation to revolve around hilarity of Tyler Perry

Note: Extend open invitation for Pryor to bang Rita

4:00-4:30 PM: CCRB

"Introduction to Cliches" with Bruce Madej, pass out "Get Out Of Jail Free" cards courtesy of Coach Rod's lawyer, Sean McGinley

4:30-5:00 PM: Coach Rod's House

Tour of Coach Rod's new diggs:

5:00-6:00 PM: West Quad

"Taco" Night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6:00-7:00 PM: Schembechler Hall

More shredding.... there's still 125 years of history to go!

7:00-8:45 PM: Yost

VIP seating for Notre Dame hockey game with Bill Martin

Note: Remind security not to be alarmed by minority in attendance

8:45-9:00 PM: Yost Student Section

Bill Martin teaches Pryor "See Ya!" chant, adds: "You know who's a real c*ck sucker? That Jim Tressel."

9:00-9:05 PM: Campus Corner

Meet the guys, pick up booze, then porn, porn, and more porn

9:05-9:15 PM: Volleyball Frat

Meet up with Donovan Warren, show Pryor the place is dead, make him vow never to go back

9:15-9:30 PM: BETA House

Tell guy at front door you know "C.J.", steal sluttiest white chicks there, leave

9:30-9:35 PM: Phi Psi

Burn the bitch down

9:35-10:00 PM: Greenwood St.

Make cameo at own party, have Warren explain meaning of "Michigan hot"

10:00-10:45 PM: Delta Delta Delta

Panty raid with newly reinstated d-lineman Larry Harrison!

10:45-11:00 PM: Scorekeepers

Pick up fake IDs for all lower 48 states

11:00 AM-Midnight: Rick's Jewish American Cafe VIP

Meet and greet with Rick himself

Midnight: Rick's Jewish American Cafe Bathroom

Take turns snorting coke off asses of Cindy and Mindy

Midnight-1:00 AM: Rick's Jewish American Cafe

Celebrate with hockey team and puck sluts, win or lose

Note: Make sure Kevin Porter tells Pryor his second cousin's good friend is black

1:00-2:00 AM: Rick's Jewish American Cafe Dance Floor

Make it rain with budget for women's tennis team

2:00-2:50 AM: Pizza House

Meet up with former UM legend Larry Foote for pizza sticks and chipatas, then pound fools

2:50-2:55 AM: Diag

Regroup with AleXXXis, Cindy and Mindy, plus any additional groupies picked up

2:55-3:00 AM

Surprise delivery of 10 boxes full of pizza courtesy of Hello Faz... and by pizza we mean $100 bills

3:00 AM: Campus Inn

Lights out!!!!


bucketdrop said...

Don't forget:

9pm - 10pm - stop by Oosterban field house to meet the straight half of women's golf team during practice - note: 'make the striaght girls dike it out for a bit anyway'

Chuck said...

If you were a real Michigan hockey fan, you'd know one of the players is black (Scooter Vaughn).

NEBforOSU said...

hence the comment.

Reading comprehension will take you a long way in life.

Forest said...

This was great. Best post yet.

- Forest

Jim Boccher said...

I'll be helping with this visit.

Anonymous said...

How do you think credit crunch affected porn?