HAPPY B-DAY, PREHISTORIC PRETORIUS!

We don't usually do birthdays here at The Realests.

But today is special.

That's because THE Ohio State University kicker Ryan Pretorius (pictured) turns 29 today.

You thought Chris Weinke was old? This is some Scott Bakula shit right here.

To give you an idea of just how ancient this guy is, here's a list of NFL Players now a year younger than said kicker:

- LaDainian Tomlinson
- Dwight Freeney
- Tony Romo
- Brian Westbrook
- Aaron Kampman

Old Man River's even been married already... and divorced. And apparently he's got this long, winded story about being a former pro rugby player that discovered football on the interwebs, blah, blah, blah.

Whatever.

Hes Tress: If there's a gentleman's agreement to not poach another team's recruits, we think there should also be one about not recruiting 25-year olds.

I mean what's stopping us from going out and signing Justin Gatlin (a mere 26) to be our spread-option QB this year?! He's got plenty of time on his hands over the next couple years and still has two seasons of NCAA eligibility left.

Hey, wait a minute.

Why don't we do that?