5.29.2008

JASON GIAMBI ALTERNATIVE SLUMP BUSTERS

Ever since Jason Giambi admitted he wears a golden thong to break out of slumps, he's been on a tear (well, a tear for Jason Giambi standards).

But the guy's still batting .235 and is well on his way to his sixth straight season with a batting average under .275.

So having a backup plan is probably a pretty good idea.

Here's our suggestions, in order of desperation:

(By the way, is it just us or did Giambi blatantly rip this idea off of JTMD???)

- Shave Your Legs

Go ahead and laugh, but it works for Brian Giles. At least it used to work for Brian Giles. Yes, he'd be completely transformed into a she-male and would probably end up on Channel 35.

- Get a Tramp Stamp

Giambi wouldn't just be a she-male, he'd be a complete slut as well. But how turned on would Alex Rodriguez be?

- Bleach Your Butthole

OK, now the guy's just a porn star. We can already imagine the Yankee clubhouse: Hideki whackin' it in one locker, Jorge pissing on his hands in another and Giambi scrubbing his crack with a toilet brush in the middle.

- Take More Steroids

Remember this guy? If none of the above work, it's time to just sack up again. Literally.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm not so sure about Jorge whackin it lol but I couldn't care less what Giambi's avg looks like, what did Babe Ruth's .AVG look like, I'm not sayin that Giambi is Babe Ruth. All I'm saying is that home run hitters have lower batting averages than you'd expect and Giambi doesn't hit singles. Giambi either strikes out or hits a home run. Find me a Giambi single and I'll find you a polar bear on Oahu. I'm telling you he slumps at the beginning of the season like most of the major leagues(just look at AVG's across the league especially this year their low, though it is a pitcher's year) but recently in the last 17 games i believe offhand he's hitting above 500 and he's getting the ab's to make it real, we're not talking about 2 for 4. Come on man Giambi just whacked 2 HR's onto Utah street at Camden Yards and they were past his old baseball in the road in "hollywoodesque" style with his name on it that was at 420. If you're hitting Hr's that far without steroids WOW!, but I can understand why he can fit into the same thong derek jeter uses with his shrunken grapefruits, and you know you're on the same page as me on that one. But believe me about Giambi I've seen every game this year and he counts bigtime in the lineup especially in the long run. His hits to hr's ratio and his rbi's are probably ridiculous, and we need him without Alex Rodriguez(who hates being called AROD) producing the amount of RBI's the team needed early in the season by being out. So Giambi helped to fill the void in the lineup. P.S. I love the Giambi card email me about it if you can and comments (OOooquestooOO@aol.com)

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