2.05.2006

Super Bowl XL

We've decided to do our second annual running blog of the Super Bowl. Last year's stellar effort really inspired us (it's about 3/4 of the way down the page. Without further ado...The Realests' Super Bowl XL Running Blog.

January 21st - Just before kick off: Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. Jerome Bettis is from Detroit.


Jerome Bettis is the guy on the right. Posted by Picasa

4:22 pm: ABC starts rolling out the pre-taped segments to fill time during the 48 hour pregame show. They cut to a guy mowing the a football field in the middle of nowhere. In a voice over the guy says, "I was just out there cutting the grass on the field. But that field was a place where young kids would see their dreams come true." I almost vomited and thought that ABC was going to report on another contrived sob story - maybe one about how Ben Roethlisberger has no control over his pinky toe for the first 17 years of his life. Then, immediately I realized I was an asshole when they explained that a Pop Warner league for kids with physical/mental disabilities used the field. I'm going to hell.

4:31 pm: A segment about Bill Cowher. Curiously, ABC does most of the filming within an actual steel mill. The question is: Are they just really getting into the whole "Pittsburgh grittiness" angle or are they drastically cutting costs? One of the steel workers starts explaining how his steel working crew is exactly the same as the Steelers football team. Yeah, they're pretty much the same - especially if you forget the fact that the Steelers players get paid about $100,000 for 3 hours of work on a Sunday afternoon. The interview with Bill Cowher made me wonder: which weighs more - Cowher's chin or Bettis' ass?

4:36 pm: Michael Irvin follows up the Cowher segment by saying that "Bill Cowher looks like Pittsburgh." I don't know what that means, but I love Emmit Smith's quote from the other day:


"This is the Pro Football Hall of Fame, not the Life Hall of Fame. His stats are what they are. They are not going to change."

4:38 pm: Mike Tirico goes to commercial and compliments Detroit on being a great host city. What's the over/under on the number of times that is said during the actual game? 10? 15? 100?

5:24 pm: Just in case you've been dead for the last week, ABC is running a segment about how Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. I guess its only official once the pregame show weighs in on it. How come no one is talking about how the Bus almost choked away the Steelers' playoff run when he fumbled on the on yard line. But, we're not complaining about the Bus getting good press and shedding some good light on the D.

5:38 pm: Notice how Mat tHasselbeck specifically requested to leave the top of his bald head out of the Disney World commercial. And if Joey Porter goes to DW, "Oh yes, there will be blood."

5:52 pm: Did Stevie Wonder just say we are going to be annihilated?

6:02 pm: Where was the Ray Lewis dance when he came out as the Super Bowl MVP? By the way, that would make a great Burger King commercial if the King did his Super Bowl shake.

6:04 pm: Lynn Swann already has the politician thumbs up perfected. He just picked up 3 million votes with that gesture.

6:07 pm: Grey's Anatomy looks really good tonight. If "Code Black" turns out to be some cross-promotion like the Bud Bowl, we are expanding the ban to ABC.

6:40 pm: Sorry for the lapse - dinner.

6:45 pm: Our first Charlie Batch sighting - him standing on the sideline with an ear piece. He definitely has NOT gotten the last laugh, as Drew Sharp suggests. That's like saying Peter Warrick got the last laugh on the Bengals.

6:50 pm: Which have we heard more: that the Buccaneers have never run back a kickoff for a TD or Chris Gardocki has never had a punt blocked? Most importantly, he HAS had a punt blocked - it just got passed the line of scrimmage so it didn't count as a block. As we have said, we are the media's watchdog.

6:53 pm: Puffy collabs with Diet Pepsi on a song. We wonder if Diet Pepsi will be on the next Biggie Duets album.

6:55 pm: They just mentioned Andre Reed. Quick story that is especially relevant because of the Hall of Fame inductions yesterday: My co-workers were at a bar earlier this year watching NFL games when Reed walked in. Coworker #1 jokingly said to Reed: "My friend doesn't think you should be in the Hall of Fame." Reed tells them to "get the fuck out of my face" and the bartender tells them never to come back on Sundays. 100% true story.

6:59 pm: Our questions about the new "Beauty and the Geek" host have just been answered, as we have just been notified that Brian McFaddon is now a corner for the Steelers.

7:04 pm: Ben Roethlisberger is 1 for 4 at the end of the first quarter. Maybe he was out enjoying Detroit's night life last night.

7:05 pm: Diet Pepsi stars in a Jackie Chan movie. Who is a better actor: Diet Pepsi or Chris Tucker?

7:07 pm: Peter Warrick has a decent kick return. Is he the new Desmond Howard? Warrick's neon green gloves make the Seahawks uniform look beautiful in comparison.

7:10 pm: Al Michaels with the night's first low blow. ABC cameras spot a Matt Hasselbeck look-alike in the stands. Michaels notes that the fan haHasselbeck's's "haircut" and by haircut he means "lack of hair."

7:14 pm: WE HAVE A CODE BLACK!!!!!

7:20 pm: Big Ben throws an interception. Maybe he was out with Kyle Orton last night? This brings us to an interesting question: Who looks like the biggest jackass? Big Ben, Orton, or Leinart?

7:21 pm: Ken sends another text message about the Seahawks. Ken - you are not a Seattle fan. Stop pretending to be one and stop sending mass text messages.

7:26 pm: Berman is doing play-by-play for The Shaggy Dog. This is why we hate ESPN. We also can't wait for the all the talking heads on ESPN to start discussing the two questionable calls in the first half of this game. I hope Jay Marrioti's head actually explodes when he pretends to be upset on Around the Horn.

7:29 pm: Al Michaels just said the Super Bowl was about as neutral as Lake Placid in the 1980 Winter Olympics. Did he just compare the Seattle Seahawks to the Soviets?

7:35 pm: Big Ben just made one of the most heads-up plays we have ever seen a quarterback make. All we need to nut our pants is a Jerome Bettis touchdown on the goal line.

7:39 pm: Gillette has a razor with 5 blades!!! Are you kidding? I hope it comes with gauze and bandages. That thing is like putting a lawn mower on your face.

7:40 pm: Roethlisberger scores on a ridiculous dive into the end zone. We're waiting for the inevitable challenge and then the inevitable 5 minute lecture about how "referees in the National Football League will not overturn a call unless there is indisputable evidence that the play on the field was incorrect."

7:52 pm: Apparently Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb are playing for the Seahawks now. With 48 seconds left in the half, Hasselbeck wastes 20 seconds at the line of scrimmage doing his best Peyton Manning impression. Bonehead play. Now the Seahawks have to kick a 54 yard field goal which goes wide right.

8:06 pm - 8:19 pm: The Rolling Stones are on. Please wake me up when the second half starts. By the way, someone mentioned that Eminem should be performing at half time. Right. I'm sure the NFL would just love that...

Actually, I take it back - the Rolling Stones are really cool. But I would still like to see Hov at halftime. I also swear to everyone reading this that I will learn how to dance like Mick Jagger and put a video of that on the blog soon. Did anyone notice he stole the Will Farrell dance move from "Zoolander" during the brain washing scene? And was he saying "And I Twy"?

8:33 pm: We've singing the Pittsburgh fight song. Please feel free to join in (Thanks to coach Filice for pointing this out):



8:53 pm: Big Ben is an idiot. Was he hanging out with Kyle Orton at halftime?

9:01 pm: Seahawks are getting the ball back only down 4 - Is Peter Warrick the new Desmond Howard??????????

9:02 pm: No.

9:10 pm: Peter Warrick just allowed a punt to role from the 20 to the 2. There is no hope for this guy. Somewhere offscreen we can hear: "We are gonna take the ball!!! And we're gonna score!!!!"

9:32 pm: What is the over/under on the number of times we have heard the word "gadget"? I'd say 20.

9:34 pm: Madden notes that you should challenge if it's the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl.

9:39 pm: The dog has been cleaning himself next to me on the futon for the last 5 minutes. I'm tired of this thing tea bagging himself.

9:43 pm: Let's see - Pittsburgh is up 11 with about 5 minutes to go, they need to hold on to the ball and run the clock out. Why on earth would they be giving Jerome Bettis the ball?!?!? Doesn't Cowher remember how the Bus almost choked away the Indy game?? This is absurd.

9:45 pm: We have looked up Bettis' stats for the day (9 carries, 30 yards). We have decided that even though he has done nothing to help the Steelers today (except for shining the nuts of everyone that has scored) he has our vote for MVP.

9:46 pm: It appears that Charlie Batch is actually calling the plays for the Steelers. Madden just said that Batch was looking for a good play on his wrist band. Maybe he is getting the last laugh at the city of Detroit. Who said minorities weren't getting any coaching positions these days?

9:51 pm: Al Michael's brings the heat. It was definitely weird that the Steelers (including Cowher) were celebrating on the sideline with over 3 minutes to play in the game. Apparently Michael's is the only one in the stadium that remembers that the Steelers almost choked away the Indy game.

9:56 pm: 2 minutes left, Gardocki to punt. Both of us are begging for The King to come out of nowhere, block it, take the ball to the house and turn it into a Burger King commercial.


Super Bowl MVP?? Posted by Picasa

10:04 pm: The Seahawks are definitely running the Eagles' two-minute offense. How do you throw a 1-yard pass in this situation?

10:05 pm: HOW FITTING: Joey Porter ends up standing over Jeremy Stevens, who is lying on the field just short of the end zone without the ball in his hands. Kind of like a poor man's Tennessee-St. Louis Super Bowl......

10:07 pm: We really enjoyed this game - good thing we don't have to hear about it for the next 10 days on ESPN and have it ruined.

2 comments:

Steiny17 said...

excellent continuous posting, didn't think you would be able to keep it up all game. varun congratulations on almost winning

zima said...

Notice how Mat tHasselbeck specifically requested to leave the top of his bald head out of the Disney World commercial. And if Joey Porter goes to DW, "Oh yes, there will be blood."

what a nice mix of saw (one of the best movies i think (yeah,, laugh, assholes))and football.