8.08.2007

NOT REAL: AIR CONDITIONERS


Specifically, my air conditioner. At some point during arguably the hottest and most humid (that would be humidest for all you English majors out there) night of the summer, my air conditioner decided to call it quits and abdicate its sworn duty of cooling air. As a result, I woke up this morning (and several times during the night), with Patrick Ewing-like sweat and skin stickier than Lucky Lucy after Friday Night Bukkake.

I couldn't sleep, so I decided to chronicle all of the thoughts flowing through my head:

  1. Anyone that thinks calling UF's sports teams the "Gaytors" is clever should check to see if their mom and sister are the same person.
  2. Barry Bonds forgot to thank Balco.
  3. Jim recently ruined a major part of Season 4 of Lost by reading an entertainment magazine. This is serious and it is only going to get worse. As a result, Jim and I have decided to enter into complete communication silence in the months leading up to the season premiere of Lost in January. We will be hiring 2 interns to screen every form of communication (talking, writing, email, dogs barking, etc.) that could reveal the secrets of the island. It'll be a tough but enjoyable job. We're hoping Jessica Alba applies.
  4. Want to know what the Lost Spoiler was? Sawyer is an Other. Suck on that.
  5. Bad news for Johnny Cakes.
  6. If one more person calls Weezy F. the greatest rapper alive, we're going to give up on rap music. Actually, that's not true - let me revise. If one more magazine calls Weezyana the greatest rapper alive, WE will then call him the greatest rapper alive and claim that we did it before everyone else. That sounds about right.
  7. We've put ads on the blog. Now, we're taking the next step and auctioning off the blog in its entirety. Bidding starts at $400,000 OR 400 ham and cheese omelettes (egg whites only) OR 400 turkey burgers with fried eggs on top.
  8. Jim and I are shooting our version of this picture.

1 comment:

amish said...

WHAT THE FUCK MAN! I'm not even through Season 3 yet.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

You're such a dick.