8.14.2007

REAL NBA QUOTES

We live in a world where everything has been reduced down to a single sound bite. If you can't get your point across in one witty sentence, you might as well keep your piehole shut. Movie and TV studios pay writers millions of dollars a year to come up with witty taglines and dialogue that will stick around in the cultural zeitgeist.

Live together, die alone. They may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom. Very niiiiice. That's why I fucked your bitch, you fat motherfucker.

Of course, these are great lines. But if you want spontaneous hilarity without paying for it? Well, just go up to an NBA player and ask him a question. The mix of money, swag, and a complete lack of humility (and often times, common sense) provides the setup for a perfect quote. We realize that we're missing a ton of quotes (so feel free to add them in the comments) but here are our Top 10 Realest NBA quotes:

  1. Kevin Garnett - On getting ready for Game 7 of the Western Conference Semis..."This is it. It's for all the marbles. I'm sitting in the house loading up the pump, I'm loading up the Uzis, I've got a couple of M-16s, couple of nines, couple of joints with some silencers on them, couple of grenades, got a missile launcher. I'm ready for war."
  2. Antoine Walker - On why he shoots so many 3's..."Because there are no fours."
  3. Latrell Sprewell - On why he held turned down a $14.6 million contract extension..."Why would I want to help them win a title? They're not doing anything for me. I've got a lot at risk here. I've got my family to feed.
  4. Rasheed Wallace - On meeting George Bush after winning the 2004 title..."I don’t have shit to say to him. I didn’t vote for him. It’s just something we have to do."
  5. Mike James - On free agency..."I'm just tired of being treated like a cheap prostitute."
  6. Karl Malone - On dunking..."What excites me the most is when a coach calls a timeout and chews out his forward because I just dunked on his head."
  7. Ricky Davis - On dunking on Steve Nash while kicking him in the head..."Oh shit! Oh shit!"
  8. Dikembe Mutombo - On soliciting women to have sex with Mutombo..."Who wants to sex Mutombo?!?"
  9. Rasheed Wallace - On crap-ass Darko Milicic..."I'm telling you, Darko is a Serbian gangster. Darko's got some bodies back there. He can go psycho on guys."
  10. Charles Barkley - Mocking Vince Carter's injuries and his "Half-man, half-amazing" nickname..."That's Vince Carter for you. Half-man, half a season"

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