APOLOGY 101

We try not to listen to the radio very much. It's mind numbing. One of the drawbacks of that is that we miss out on some pretty good jams. I've been back in the D recently and I've been driving around a lot listening to the radio because I wanted to catch up on things.

First let me say that I hate disc jockeys. I think they're the lowest common denominator. For example, on a local Detroit station, they have a segment called "Confessions" where the DJ asks women to call in and give up some scandalous confessions. Well, on this night, a girl called in and said that her confession was that she was at a club a while back and ended up having sex with a Girls Gone Wild camera man on the Girls Gone Wild bus. And, wait for it...she got pregnant.

I almost crashed my car when I heard that because she was laughing her ass off and the DJ was calling her a "hero."

Luckily, right after that the DJ put on the Akon song where he apologizes for dry humping the shit out of a 15 year old on stage in Trinidad. Here are the lyrics to the song:

I'm sorry for the hand that she was dealt
And for the embarrassment that she felt
She's just a little young girl trying to have fun
But daddy should of never let her out that young

I'm sorry for Club Zen getting shut down
I hope they manage better next time around
How was I to know she was underage
In a 21 and older club they say

Why doesn't anybody want to take blame
Verizon backed out disgracing my name
I'm just a singer trying to entertain
Because I love my fans I'll take that blame

Even though the blame's on you
Even though the blame's on you
Even though the blame's on you
I'll take that blame from you

Now, call me crazy, but maybe Akon should have thought about blaming himself for this one:



And here's what the lyrics should have been:

Sorry I dry humped the shit out of you
You were only 15, should have been in school
Didn't know that you had a preacher for a dad
Man, I'm really sorry for hitting it from the back

You told me that you name was Kiki
Good thing we didn't get into the bukkake
This whole thing has been a pain in the ass
Why couldn't you have just gone to class

The blame's on me
The blame's on me
The blame's on me
Because I dry-humped you on stage and you were only 15

Oh, and here's Akon ragdolling Tara Reid on-stage. This girls has fallen off since Van Wilder:


(Note: Seriously dude, what's with the dry humping fetish? This guy's like everyone's worst nightmare at the dog run. Let's just chop the man's balls off and get it over with already.)