The "Real" 2006 MLB Storylines....

Forget about Barry Bonds, steroids, and Jimmy Rollins' hitting streak.

It's time for the "Real" 2006 MLB storylines, just in time for Opening Day....

Q: Will there be beef between new Tigers pitcher Kenny Rogers and the usually mild-mannered John Lowe of the Detroit Free Press?

Skinny: As we all know, John Lowe is the ultimate professional. We're just worried that after the Tigers start 0-8 and Rogers is already on the 60-day DL, Kenny will look to take out his frustration on the media again ....

Q: After failing at pro football (after failing at pro baseball), will Drew pull the flip-of-all flips and return to baseball?

Skinny: I don't care if Drew looked great a couple days ago in NFL Europe against "Cologne". The man's a two-sport bust. The only solution we see is quitting again to try baseball... again. At the press conference, he would be required to read the exact same statement he read the first time he chose baseball (even the outdated parts that would make no sense). Too bad no one would be at the press conference this time....

Q: Will Derek Jeter finally committ to Vanessa Minnillo, or just keep boning everything in sight?

Skinny: DJ has already gone through Jessica Alba, Mariah Carey, "Miss Universe" Lara Dutta and Jordana Brewster. Something's gotta give this season after the two have been dating on-and-off for the past couple years. You're almost 32 Derek, you can't just sleep with the hottest new "it" girl for the rest of your life.... Oh wait - you're Derek fucking Jeter - of course you can.

Q: How long will Sidney Ponson's sobriety last?

Skinny: This guy has sworn off alcohol after recently getting arrested 3 times in just a year - twice for DUIs and another for allegedly assaulting a judge. The Realests remain skeptical, especially because he told USA Today last month that he started drinking at the age of 11 .....

Q: When will John Rocker and Jose Canseco come out of the closet together?

Skinny: They agreed they would come out on "The Big Idea". John was ready to tell the nation, until he saw Jose was really nervous...

Q: Will Izzy Alcantara try and make a comeback?

Skinny: Certainly you remember this video of Izzy in 2001 wreaking havoc at a minor league baseball game in 2001. No one has heard from the guy since 2002. Still just 35, will Izzy "come back wearing the 45"?

Q: Will the Orioles-Mets battle over who gets to sleep with Anna Benson be resolved?

Skinny: Read below for more information on this....