Eastern Conference Playoff Preview

I don't really need to make a prediction do I? If you read this blog, you know its clear that we think that the Pistons are going to stomp on fools in the East (and then stomp on fools in the Finals). The only question is how many games each series will take. But we like making lists and this is a perfect chance to comment on each of the playoff teams. Without further ado... (Note: The 4 thru 8 seeds might change)

1. Detroit Pistons
The only complaint I have is that people call Chauncey, "Mr. Big Shot." That's Robert Horry's nickname!! Now, I know he ripped the Pistons heart out last year and I hate him for it, but he's earned the nickname. In Chauncey's defense, he calls himself "Smooth" and so does everyone else on the team. The only person we can blame for this are Mason or George Blaha...but they are untouchable in our book.

His belt says Smooth!

Also, on what other team could a key player (the captain!) refuse to enter a game and then have everyone shrug it off and explain it away because he wants to win so bad. That's the definition of real. I love Ben - and just to let you know, I've ordered 6,0000 Ben Wallace Inflatable Dolls and am going to set them up in Times Square during the playoffs to scare away the tourists.

2. Miami Heat
I can't stand the fact that they are cocky. The Pistons invented the piano key neck tie! What have they done?!! Nothing! And I hate the fact that commentators say that the Heat would have won Game 7 last year with a healthy Wade. No one mentions that 'Sheed played the 2004 Playoffs on a bum ankle and Ben plays through injury all the time.

Oh Diesel...Just Do Whatever You Want

And I'm not the only one that noticed that Shaq wasn't fined for calling out the refs and Stu Jackson. As 'Sheed would say, "Those cats are felonious."

3. New Jersey Nets
These guys suck (See here and here). Even Hov owning a part of this team won't make me like them.

Now THAT'S A Tattoo

4. Cleveland Cavaliers
No team that trades away Ricky Davis deserves to make the playoffs. And Lebron...stop biting your nails!!! Even Moondog thinks you should stop.

Hey Carmelo...How Do You Hit All Those Game Winners?

5. Washington Wizards
I liked them much better when they were the Bullets and Chris Webber ran up and down the court making throat slashing gestures. Now, THAT'S real.

Don't Step To This.

6. Milwaukee Bucks
Michael Redd looks like Kanye West. Kanye West is a douche. Have fun during your early vacation Andrew Bogut!

George Bush Hates Black People.

7. Indiana Pacers
First, J.O. said that he wanted to face the Pistons in the first round. Then he said that the Pacers didn't deserve to be in playoffs after the Pistons flip-mctwerked them a few weeks ago on national TV. Which one is it J.O.?

Slide Slide Slippety Slide...Out Of The First Round

8. Chicago Bulls
It was pretty heartless letting Eddy Curry go when he found out he had a heart condition. Karma's a bitch. Have fun getting swept in the first round. Oh, and Scott Skiles - quit your bitching.

Man, Where's MJ When You Need Him?


Anonymous said...

The Bulls offered Eddy Curry a 25-year-settlement due to his heart condition. The Knicks were just dumb enough to take him.


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