"Welcome to New York City - Duck Motherfucker"

The haters are coming out of the woodwork.

As if it wasn't annoying enough to deal with the drive-by haters that leave anonymous comments on our blog (which we still publish even though you guys have no spine), now we have Goliath coming after us.

That's right. Gawker has decided to clap at The Realests. They decided to link to us and diss us at the same time - what, you didn't think we'd notice?

Well, if we were normal people faced with this situation, we'd have a few options: A) We could be ecstatic that Gawker linked to us and brush off the insult; B) We could e-mail them and see why they dissed us; or C) We could just ignore them.

Well, The Realests aren't normal people. We have only one option.

To clap back.

First, let us note what Gawker had to say about us:

"Even worse than the fresh-faced college kids who will soon be descending on our city? The only slight less fresh-faced who’ve been here a few years and now think they’re experts."

Gee, that's funny. Co-editors Jessica Coen (25) and Jesse Oxfeld (29) run "The source for daily Manhattan media news and gossip" (their words, not ours). I'd say that is a much better example of "fresh-faced kids" claiming to be NYC experts than two guys joking about harmless observations they have made in the city.

It's hard to figure out why Gawker would go at us. We're not sure, but as far as we can tell, it's pretty hypocritical. Given the fact that Gawker recently linked to a similar post (which can be found here) but chose not to slam its author, this whole thing just stinks of hypocrisy. If you read the post, you'll see that they're pretty similar - and equally as funny.

Maybe Gawker thinks that they can just bully people around because they are the big kid on the block. Maybe they've grown complacent in their throne and have gotten lazy with people spoon-feeding them all their content (coming up with original stuff must just be too taxing for them).

The rest of the blog community has shown nothing but love to us. The folks at Deadpsin have linked to us and Need4Sheed has given us some shout outs. We've even gotten love from the Detroit Free Press. We're just new-comers, gettin' on the grind, trying to build some readership. It's a shame that Gawker would flip it on us like this. We would just expect fellow bloggers to watch out for us, not stab us in the back.

So let's go blow-for-blow.

First of all, their comedy is supposed to be biting, but instead just comes off as bitching. The site seems to be run by a brat that wishes she was an heiress and some dude that tried to bring attention on himself by writing "controversial" columns for his school paper.

Yeah, we said it.

And we aren't the only ones with beef. Take a look at what Page Six had to say:

''This (Coen) is the face of snarkiness incarnate."

''Unknown outside the dork-infested waters of the blogosphere, her name is Jessica Coen, and she's the co-editor of Gawker.com, where she regurgitates newspaper and magazine stories and slathers them in supposedly witty sarcasm.

''She smiles and showers us [Page Six reporters] with sycophantic praise [in person], but her every mention of Page Six on her Web site is snide and snarky.

''Next time you see us at a party, keep walking -- or slithering. You can't be a bootlicker and a back stabber at the same time.''

Maybe it's time to stop making enemies.

It's pretty clear: You're with us, or you're with them.

If you're reading us for the first time, sorry we had to meet under such awkward circumstances. Feel free to browse through the Best of The Realests (links on the right side of the home site) to see what we're like when we're not trying to pull knives out of our back. We highly recommend Anchondo, 24: Realest Style, No More Beers, Brah, and our Super Bowl XL Running Blog.

Co-Editor Jessica Coen - we're embarassed to have graduated from the same school as you...

Co-Editor Jesse Oxfeld

Note: if you are looking for the post Gawker ripped, please look below on main site.


Chris Chafin said...

Immediately after leaving "The Aristocrats" (which is like 80% about shit, in case you forgot), I saw a bum in the subway just finishing dropping the most disgusting green puddle of shit-goo i've ever seen. He was on the deserted upper level of the platform, just pulling his tighty-whiteies up as an entire trainload of people invaded his "private" "bathroom."

Anonymous said...

you are a fucking idiot. your witty "observations" are about as original as saturday dinner at the olive garden. why don't you go back where you came from, d-bag.

R2K said...

: )

Anonymous said...

wow, talk about biting the hand that feeds you. I would have never come to your lame-ass blog if Jesse and Jessica hadn't done you the favor of naming you you on gawker. Instead I see your really mean post about them and must consign you to the hall of shame. good bye, i like most other gawker readers will not be returning to this sad sack of a site.

Anonymous said...

The Jesse thing doesn't really seem that incriminating- it was dumb that he got fired. I actually really like Jesse.

But I agree with you about Jessica, what a fucking asshole.

scott said...

So does Gawker just have pretty much one reader named Anonymous, or are those chicken shit wouldn't know funny if it crawled up their ass haters just too scared to leave their names on this "sad sack of a site"?

grow a pair, haters.

annicka@gmail.com said...

this is pathetic. you idiots don't deserve special treatment just because you live in new york city and - wonder of wonders - you write a witty blog about it. gawker has linked hundreds of blogs identical to yours, and most of their authors are smart enough to ignore the insult and be grateful for the publicity. sure, posting a pathetic declaration of war might win you even more publicity, but it also makes you look desperate. get over yourselves.

wtf said...

Your internationally posted blog reaches a lot more than any circle, especially linked from gawker.com. I must say that your posts are more appealing than gawker's. Their posts seem to be cookie cutter with a generated shock factor involved. Blech, .. it seems a lot of things go that route once they receive popularity. So while they're still getting their kicks out of linking to their "subordinates" or however they want you to be perceived... you are the ones that have heart, originality, and appeal...... thx for standing up for your "mom and pop" website, f*ck the corporate pigs :)

Anonymous said...

Heather, a gawker staffer links blogs. Not Jessie or Jessica. they edit the site. Every time I get linked I touch myself. It's awesome!

Anonymous said...


"The site seems to be run by a brat that wishes she was an heiress and some dude that tried to bring attention on himself by writing "controversial" columns for his school paper.

Yeah, we said it."

But nobody was asking you to say anything.

You should have just wiped the cum off your faces and looked up into their faces, smiled, and said "Thank you". Today's spike in readership will melt away tomorrow.

Ps what is the point o this site? You're terrible writers and the prose is painful. Is it just to show off for your little playmates?


Neantaeus said...

Gawker is a Coney Island whitefish with just enough jizz in it to make you puke if you happen to pick it up off the strand without knowing what it really is.

Kick their celebrity-brown-nosing butts right up the side of the Conde Nast building. -Metaphorically speaking, of course. I do not advocate violence, not even towards preening snobs.

Anonymous said...

Gawker isn't particularly clever or interesting - but then again it is american. its pretty stupid to wage some lame war on them, they've probably forgotten who you are anyway and not many people would have noticed your blog if gawker hadn't linked to you...kinda stupid

Clifton Smalls said...

Sure, Gawker has its ups and downs, but this is a really, really lame takedown.

"Yeah, we said it."

Said what? What plenty of other people have written?

I don't see what Gawker owes you as a fellow blog.

There's nothing inherently wrong with attempting to bring down a popular site a few notches, but that route has a much higher success rate when the insults and insights are more fresh and funny, and less cringe-worthy.

Anonymous said...

I never comment, but today I will because you are so wrong. Who ever even heard of you? The points you bring up are trying to be deep and original, but they are not! Good luck with the whole writing thing. Your going to need it!


Anonymous said...

Relax, dudes.

You think Gawker is "bullying" you around? What is this, the 6th grade?

Grow a pair and take snarky comments in stride, I'm sure it's not the last you'll hear. Especially in New York City, of all places.

Talk about fresh-faced...

Anonymous said...

You should be grateful to get your site in front of eyes that run the media. I also think you have a problem separating business from reality. Stop being retards.

Anonymous said...

Hey poseurs from the midwest, chill out